To the stars through hardship
by Ivy3
Summary: LOTRHobbit crossover, if you check the timeline in ROTK it works and I guess I should say AU. Young Estel is eager for adventures and he gets his chance when a wizard, 13 Dwarves and one Hobbit come to Rivendell...
1. Everything has a small beginning

"Per aspera ad astra." [To the stars through hardship.]  
  
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca  
  
Author's note: The idea is actually not mine, it belongs to Celeste Jade. In one of her chapters in her "Estel's Childhood" story, she discovered the fact that Aragorn was ten when Bilbo set off on the adventure in "The Hobbit" and what if-. But she never wrote in that direction, so with her consent I decided to do so myself. This is the opening to a very hard-to- write fic, and reviews are encouraging, but I'll write this even without, because I feel this story needs to be told. Special thanks to Galahan for putting up with my nonsense and questions and helping me out and being a terrific Beta Reader! But I didn't get the fixed file, so I decided to just go on ahead with it and fix it later!  
  
**  
  
"Omnium rerum principia parva sunt." [Everything has a small beginning.]  
  
- Marcus Tullius Cicero  
  
Estel son of Gilraen and Lord Elrond sat on a tree branch, watching the sunset. It was, in his eyes, one of the most beautiful marvels to behold in Rivendell and at the tender age of ten winters he felt it a wonder that after parting, the sun would return the next morning. Though he loved to watch the sun rise, he felt the setting of her to be more special, for in his eyes when the sun set and left the kingdom of the sky to the moon and stars, she went on an adventure to a forgotten land. Why would she want to return after such an adventure, day after day, was beyond his understanding.  
  
Estel's ears perked as he heard dim and faint voices. His bright grey eyes opened in horror as he remembered that he was not allowed to stay out that late, especially without notifying his father. He jumped down from the branch, which was not that high up because young Estel had not yet reached his full height and could not climb that high and began to run back to his house. Perhaps if he snuck in, the Elves would fail to notice he was gone. It was a silly thought, but it was the only hope he had, so off he went, as quiet as he could be and reached the window of his room. No one heard him stalking up to the house, and his stealth would make an Elf proud, as it was his brothers- Elladan and Elrohir who taught him to sneak up on a wild boar. Though there was a marginal difference between a boar and an Elf, they too did not notice him and he smiled, striking another winning blow for the 'man-elf.'  
  
Indeed perhaps that was the reason why he insisted on testing his limits, in getting himself in trouble as well as in contests with the other boys. They would ridicule him, calling him "Ai edan", little human, because his ears were not shaped like their own. He knew the only reason that his ears were different was that his mother was a human. His hair and eyes he associated with his father, the venerable Lord Elrond. Their teasing only strengthened his resolve to be the best elf there was and so he trained long and hard with a bow and any other art of his race. Including moving without being detected.  
  
Estel was on his hands and knees, under the bushes of his window. He looked up and noted with a frown that it was some stories up, meaning he would have to climb something to get to it. He quickly looked around before his keen eyes saw a barely visible (in the near total darkness) vine from the nearby tree. That too was attributed to his Elf characteristics. Estel jumped several times in the air, cursing his lack of height, before he finally caught the thin vine and dangled in the air. He quickly started climbing it slowly, like his brothers many years ago showed him, and was now finally at the height of the window ledge. He heard voices in the halls, urgent and loud and he guessed they were frantically searching for him. And judging from the loudness they weren't too far away, either. He gulped and tried to reach the window with his short arms to no avail.  
  
Begrudgingly he started to swing the thin vine towards the window, moving forward and backwards, the window just out of reach. He couldn't tell from the dim light, but he hoped that the window was open, otherwise it might be unpleasant. As his swings grew broader, he heard a silent 'snap' and gasped when he realized- it was the vine! He knew he didn't have much time, so with a final huge swing he jumped to the window, just as the vine snapped and fell to the ground below. Estel clutched the windowsill and started to lift himself up and was soon sitting on the ledge panting. When his heart stopped beating in a frantic pace, he cautiously placed his hand in front of his face, remembering he closed the window this morning. His fingers were already looking for the knob when they found nothing but air and he lost his balance, tumbling into his room.  
  
"Hello there," A voice greeted him in Elven. He would recognize that voice anywhere- Elrond!  
  
Estel quickly got to his feet and did not dare to respond, or look his father in the eye.  
  
"What is this?" Elrond asked mildly amused as he got up and lit a torch. "You cannot think of anything to say? Glorfindel tells me that is rare to happen." He looked at his son sternly. "Do you know why I make these rules?"  
  
"T-to protect me," Estel finally muttered, gaze downcast.  
  
"Indeed," Elrond's voice softened. "You age me so, little one. I think it is worrying for your safety that causes me to be weary more than any other factor. Why can you not listen to my orders?"  
  
"I do not know, father," Estel spoke at last, daring to look him in the eye. "There is a great. Fire burning in me. I do not know what it wants me to do, but I yearn for adventure! Do not misunderstand, I love you and my mother greatly, and I love my home, but there's a whisper in the air, telling me the joys of travel."  
  
"When you come of age, you will travel indeed," Elrond said sighing. "But you are still young and you must grow some more before that time comes!" Estel looked at him disappointed wishing he would understand his need for travel. It was as if the answer to every question was in the world outside, all one had to do was find it!  
  
"I understand," Estel shifted in his place, eyes downcast. "I am sorry I am a burden."  
  
"One we are most happy to carry, my son." Elrond said gently, stroking his long and tangled black mane. "You must put your plans for the road on hold, and leave it for another day," his eyes grew dark. "For I see great danger ahead of you, that you cannot possibly be aware of now." Estel shivered, feeling some of the threat. Even though he did not see into the future as often as his father did, he too, like his mother and her parents before her, had glimpses into the future. At one time he saw a man bearing his eyes clad in muddy clothes with a serious and frowning face, a moment later dressed in white and shining like the brightest star. He could not know what this meant and did not give it much thought.  
  
"And so I regretfully must punish you, in order to make sure you understand how grave the matters are." Elrond continued sadly. Estel's eyes grew in fear.  
  
"I will not raise my hand at you, if that is what worries you," Elrond said quickly. "But you are not to leave your room, other than schooling for several weeks, is that understood?"  
  
"Yes, father," Estel said quietly, before being embraced into a tight hug.  
  
"Your mother and I both love you very much," Elrond said, before leaving. "That is why we act the way we do." And left at that note. Estel slumped on his bed and glanced out of the window at the stars, wishing he were anywhere but there.  
  
***  
One morning, long ago, Bilbo Baggins was standing at his door after breakfast smoking his wooden pipe, when an old man with a staff came along.  
  
"Good morning!" Said Bilbo sincerely.  
  
"What do you mean?" The man said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"  
  
"All of them at once," said Bilbo. "And a very fine morning for a pipe of tabacco out of doors, into the bargain. If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! There's no hurry, we have all the day before us!" He sat crossed leg and blew a fine grey ring of smoke.  
  
"Very pretty!" Said the stranger. "But I have no time to blow smoke-rings this morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone."  
  
-END PART 1- 


	2. Closed Doors

"When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us."  
  
- Alexander Graham Bell  
  
**  
  
Bilbo jumped awake the morning after the unexpected party, fully prepared to cook his guests some breakfast. But when he reached the kitchen, all he found was a mess and no guests. He was quite relieved they decided to go without him and didn't even bother to wake him, yet there was a surprising feeling of disappointment. He shook it off and began making himself breakfast (the second one actually) when in walked Gandalf.  
  
"My dear fellow," said he, "Whenever are you going to come? What about an early start?-and here you are having breakfast, or whatever you call it, at half past ten! They left you the message, because they could not wait."  
  
"What message?" Asked Bilbo confused.  
  
"Great Elephants!" said Gandalf, "you are not at all yourself this morning- you have never dusted the mantelpiece!"  
  
"What's that got to do with it? I have had enough to do with washing up for fourteen!"  
  
"If you had dusted the mantelpiece, you would have found this just under the clock, said Gandalf, handing Bilbo a note.  
  
"That leaves you just ten minutes. You will have to run," said Gandalf when Bilbo finished reading it.  
  
"But-" Started Bilbo.  
  
"No time for it," said the wizard.  
  
"But-" said Bilbo again.  
  
"No time for that either! Off you go!"  
  
And so Bilbo Baggins found himself outside, without his hat, walking stick or any money, and running as fast as his furry little feet could carry him…  
  
*  
  
"Where did you go, if I may ask?" Thorin asked Gandalf as they rode on after the troll incident.  
  
"To look ahead," said he.  
  
"And what brought you back in the nick of time?"  
  
"Looking behind," said he.  
  
"Exactly!" said Thorin; "but could you be more plain?"  
  
"I went on to spy out our road. It will soon become dangerous and difficult. Also I was anxious about replenishing our small stock of provisions. I had not gone very far, however, when I met a couple of friends of mine from Rivendell."  
  
"Where's that?" Asked Bilbo.  
  
"Don't interrupt!" said Gandalf. "You will get there in a few days now, if we're lucky, and find out all about it. As I was saying I met two of Elrond's people. They were hurrying along for fear of the trolls. It was they who told me that three of them had come down from the mountains and settled in the woods not far from the road; they had frightened everyone away from the district, and they waylaid strangers.  
  
I immediately had a feeling that I was wanted back. Looking behind I saw a fire in the distance and made for it. So now you know. Please be more careful, next time, or we shall never get anywhere!"  
  
"Thank you!" Said Thorin.  
  
****  
  
Estel sat on the windowsill in his room, gazing out at the bright stars. He sighed a deep heart-wrenching sigh, but no one was in the room to hear it and pity him. It had been over two weeks since his father punished him, and he was still persistent. Estel thought that he could change his father's mind, or perhaps lighten the punishment a little, if he gave it some time and nagged him. Instead of lightening the punishment, Elrond added to it, and his meals were to be eaten in his room alone for the next fortnight. What was more it was midsummer's eve and he would miss the annual celebration.  
  
"I should have just kept quiet," he reprimanded himself. "Why can't I do anything right?"  
  
"Estel?" A soft voice informed him that his mother entered his room. "Are you alright?" Gilraen glanced at his untouched plate of food. "You have not eaten a thing!"  
  
"I am not hungry," he said with determination of a child.  
  
"Do you think starving will help change your father's mind?" She asked gently, combing her fingers through his hair. He moved away from her touch and sat on his bed.  
  
"Don't treat me like a baby! I'm already ten years old, why is everyone protecting me, and what from?"  
  
"There are some things you cannot understand now. And you ARE a child, Estel, even when you are a fully grown man, you will always be OUR child." Gilraen said choking. "Why are you so eager to abandon us?"  
  
"I do not wish to cause you pain," he said slowly. "But I feel caged. Do not think that I don't love you, for I do. It's just…" He couldn't finish, not knowing what words could describe the feeling inside.  
  
"I know," she said plainly, though he couldn't imagine she did, and left it at that. From downstairs he heard some talking and gazed at his mother questioningly.  
  
"We have guests," she said simply and kissed his forehead. "Sleep well, my child."  
  
"How long have they been here?" He asked curious.  
  
"Fourteen days," she said quietly. "But they are leaving soon."  
  
"Do I know any of them?" He asked, angry he was not allowed to go downstairs and see these visitors and that nobody mentioned it to him.  
  
"Yes, I believe you have met Gandalf the Grey," she said, moving towards the door.  
  
"Uncle Gandalf is here?" Estel asked crushed. Every time the wizard would arrive, fireworks and magic was a guarantee.  
  
"Do not fret, I am sure he will be back soon enough," his mother tried to soothe, but his spirit was in torment. How could his father do this to him? Gilraen left wordlessly, knowing she gave out dangerous information. The reason Lord Elrond did not tell Estel about the visitors was because he feared the child would try and join the perilous quest for gold, just for the sake of adventure. Keeping the truth from him was for his own well being, but Gilraen feared she just made a terrible mistake, one she would live to regret. And she didn't need any glimpses of the future to know that.  
  
Estel sat on his bed, deep in thought for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. He knew his father would punish him double, perhaps triple if he caught him. But he had a feeling this was important, that something about these mystery guests beckoned him like a torchlight at night on shore to a sailing boat. Finally he got up, after weighing the dilemma as seriously as a ten year old elf could. As he stood by his window, about to climb down with sheets or whatnot, he paused suddenly in fear. For some reason he felt that by going down the window he would change everything as he knew it, which was absurd, wasn't it? How could it possibly be this life altering? No, he was probably over reacting as usual, he scorned himself.  
  
Estel used his sheets to form a rope and climb down the window, but it was a few feet short of the ground. He swung his feet and jumped down, hitting the floor hard and bruised his arms and legs. He crept silently into the house from one of the servant entrances and followed the echo of the voices into the main room, adjoined to the dining room. He stood with his back to the wall, alert of any servant or other elf to tell his father he was out of his room. The voices grew louder and he could make out their sentences, something about swords, so he listened in intently, for though he was a fair archer, he felt the sword a more masterful weapon.  
  
"These are not troll-make." He heard his father's stern voice. "They are old swords, very old swords of the High Elves of the West, my kin. They were made in Gondolin for the Goblin-wars. They must have come from a dragon's hoard or goblin plunder, for dragons and goblins destroyed that city many years ago. This, Thorin, the runes name Orcrist, the Goblin- cleaver in the ancient tongue of Gondolin; it was a famous blade. This, Gandalf, was Glamdring, Foe-hammer that the king of Gondolin once wore. Keep them well!"  
  
"Whence did the trolls get them, I wonder," said a voice. Estel risked a peek and saw a small bearded man glancing at his sword. Since this was most definitely not Gandalf, he assumed it was Thorin.  
  
"I could not say," Elrond continued, "but one may guess that your trolls had plundered other plunderers, or come on the remnants of old robberies in some hold in the mountain of the North. I have heard that there are still forgotten treasures of old to be found in the deserted caverns of the mines of Moria, since the dwarf and goblin war."  
  
"I will keep this sword in honour," the same bearded man said. "May it soon cleave goblins once again!"  
  
Estel's eyes widened in delight, hearing the words 'dwarf', 'battle' and 'goblins'. It sounded exciting! And he realized this was not simply a 'little man', but a dwarf, and probably respectable at that.  
  
"A wish that is likely to be granted soon enough in the mountains!" Elrond stated. "But show me now your map!" There was silence as Lord Elrond of Rivendell studied their map carefully, giving our young friend some time to think. They were obviously on a quest of some sort, being fifteen (unless his eyes failed him), and an important and dangerous one if they are to encounter goblins! What was in the mountains that set them on this journey? He continued to think the matter over, guessing wild guesses of setting prisoners free, finding some powerful weapon and such, while his father started talking about ancient runes on the map, which failed to interest the young boy. But he kept his eye on them just the same, not forgetting his guard. He assumed the other twelve were dwarves as well, but there was a creature he could not identify. If he had to describe it, he would say a chubby-little man-with pointy ears- and bright eyes- and rabbit feet. Of course he was certain this was in fact not the man's name, but for lack of a name he called him 'Rabbit Feet.'  
  
"That remains to be seen," Gandalf commented on something Estel didn't catch. "Is there any more writing?"  
  
"None to be seen by this moon," Elrond said and gave the map to Thorin (he assumed once more, who appeared to be the chieftain of the dwarves). They started to return through the dining room, so Estel hurried on to hide, as they passed right by him, heading outside for midsummer's eve festivity. But he didn't care about it anymore, he heard elves singing and watched them dancing ever since childhood, he could miss one festival, this was more important. He quickly returned to his room, but not to stay. He packed a few important belongings, making sure he traveled light. He did not forget to include his bow and several arrows, just incase they DID run in to goblins. He snuck out outside and went to the stables, to look for the horses that surely belonged to the travelers. He finally found the new animals and Estel went over to a splendid white horse. He saw that the horse carried several parcels and equipment, one of which was a blanket. The smile the spread across his face was so bright, that if someone had witnessed it they would have surely gone blind from its radiance. He climbed onto the horse's back, and snuggled under the blanket, as small and unnoticeable as he could be. He felt lucky, for he saw under the blanket several fruits, and if he wanted to distance himself from Rivendell before being discovered, he might want to stay hidden for a while, days even.  
  
That entire night Estel couldn't sleep, the adrenaline keeping him awake. At some point he felt the horse moving, and had to stifle a moan as he was bucked up and down, banging his bruised ribs and flesh in the horse's back. He had to bite his tongue in order to keep himself from making a noise, which was a good thing indeed, at least from his perspective, for it was Gandalf himself who mounted the steed, and his ears were quite sharp. Before long the group left the gates of Rivendell, almost like they came, only now instead of fifteen, their number was sixteen.  
  
  
  
  
  
-END PART 2-  
  
Author's note: A lot of parts are taken from "The Hobbit" itself, as this story does take place during the story. I hope no one is offended that I altered a few parts here and there from the original book, the full version can be found in it, this is a story. I hope people are very well aware that because this is an AU it means I'll have to change and add parts to the original lines, so that they fit. I think I just, with no intent, gave an explanation as to why the party didn't meet Estel during their fourteen day stay at Rivendell, I mean he is the foster son of Elrond! Well, I didn't mean to, so whatever! I have so much schoolwork to do; I don't know when I'll manage to post the next part or even write it, so you're warned. But like I said, if I get a sufficient amount of reviews, they tend to urge me to write more, and make the extra effort. Hint hint, I'm done now.  
  
Ivy 


	3. Bad weather and bad dreams

Estel nodded on and off during that first day of traveling, though not the most comfortable bed he ever slept on, he was tired enough to sleep anywhere. But he kept trying to keep awake (and the bucking kept waking him up anyway) so that he would not fall off the horse in his sleep. But more fearful of that, he was petrified of the time not too long in the future when the company would stop for camp and he would be discovered.  
  
'I dread to think what Uncle Gandalf would do…' he thought sadly. He knew the wizard long enough to know that crossing him was a dangerous thing and folly act if you could avoid it. He gulped and kept as quiet as possible, which was not really necessary for the blanket muffled any noise he would make. But it also kept him in utter darkness throughout the day, with nothing to do but eat from the fruit, and once he was full he grew bored.  
  
'I wonder what adventures lie ahead…' he tried to cheer himself up. By now, he heard enough of the company's talk to understand what they were doing. Yes, it was a lucky thing Dwarves loved to gloat and boast, he overheard two young ones (by their voices) talking about what they would do with their share of the treasure, and two older ones; travelling very near his horse; talking about slaying the dragon. He managed to piece all the pieces of the puzzle together to a startling conclusion that they were heading to slay a dragon and steal its treasures and gold! Though his spirits were lifted immensely by the news he would have the privilege of seeing a dragon (wouldn't those boys back home envy him when they heard it!), they were also solemn due to the goal ahead. He never understood the need of stealing, why take from another when you have all you need? He thought they were out to help prisoners or of a noble quest, not this demeaning theft. Perhaps this Thorin wasn't as important as Estel thought he was, otherwise how could such a man at a high state allow himself to be morally corrupt?  
  
Though some of you may shake your head and mock Estel's childish view of life, you should be warned that there isn't a sincerer outlook on life than that of a child. They do not yet understanding how low human beings deteriorated with our petty wars, murder over nothing and the list goes on. What is more it is worth mentioning again that he was raised by the esteemed Elves of Rivendell, and so he was not yet exposed to man's true nature, as he started to on this mission, but we digress and should get back to the story at hand.  
  
And so our young friend spent most of the day listening to the Dwarves' talk (Gandalf was gloomily quiet and so was Rabbit Feet, or maybe he was so far away Estel could not hear him) and trying to figure out the lure of gold and theft. Before he was ready for it, the sun decided she delayed his discovery too long and began her setting. The horse stopped its trotting to Gandalf's strong command, and Estel could not think of an area in his body that was not aching. He heard soft THUMPS of feet hitting the ground and knew that the fellow travelers were dismounting their ponies and preparing for camp. Estel gulped and closed his eyes awaiting his doom, which was close to follow.  
  
"We should make camp here," he heard Gandalf's voice too near for comfort. "We still have a long journey ahead of us in the mountains and we will get no further tonight." Estel felt the blanket being yanked away from him and shut his eyes closed even tighter and held his breath-  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Gandalf yelled, surprise mixed with anger. He pulled the boy off the horse and dropped him unceremoniously on the ground. Estel groaned and rubbed his side before standing up on his unsteady feet, nauseated from the ride.  
  
"I…" He tried to come up with a good excuse. "I-I must ha-have fallen asleep on t-the horse," he managed to stutter, seeing the condemning flare in the old man's eyes.  
  
"What a small creature," Rabbit Feet said, examining the child like a specimen. "Is he a small Dwarf?" Both Dwarves and Estel snorted at the insult. But it was not intended as one, as our Hobbit had not been out of the shire and barely saw Dwarves, so he assumed they could not have been born with beards, and probably reached a certain height at youth and ceased in their growing. He never saw a man (besides Gandalf of course) and so it was beyond his comprehension that 'Big Men' could possibly be small children.  
  
"I am NOT a Dwarf!" Estel said, emphasizing it by stomping his foot (on Thorin's foot might I add) and glaring at the Hobbit angrily. "I am an elf!"  
  
"Are you now?" Bilbo asked confused rather than mocking. "Where are your pointy ears? And silky blonde hair? You are the queerest elf I've ever seen, though it cannot be said I've seen many."  
  
"And you are simply queer," Estel retorted indignantly. "For I cannot even come up with a name for you! You are small, fat and have enormous rabbit feet!" Needless to say the Hobbit didn't think much of him at that point.  
  
"Now now, Estel," Gandalf reprimanded with a finger. "Do behave cordially towards others, I'm sure Elrond taught you THAT much. Now what ARE you doing here?"  
  
  
  
Estel buried his face in the ground in such a fashion Bilbo couldn't help but feel compassion towards the child. "I heard you were going on an adventure, so I… I wanted to join you!" Estel whispered the first part, but in the second part his voice raised and he looked up with clear eyes.  
  
"Quests of this sort, or any sort for that matter, are not for children," Gandalf said strongly but gently.  
  
"I am not a child! I can take care of myself! I want to go with you to slay the dragon!"  
  
At which point Gandalf decided he had enough of this nonsense and whacked the child on the head with his staff.  
  
"Ow!" Estel said, rubbing his head. "What was that for?"  
  
"That was on behalf of Elrond because he is not here," Gandalf explained gruffly.  
  
"But HE never hit me!" Estel argued pouting.  
  
Gandalf in response hit him once more with the staff before answering: "Well he should have! Maybe it would have knocked some sense into you earlier!" After that Gandalf sighed and appeared to Estel to be a hundred years older.  
  
"What's done is done, I'm afraid."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Thorin asked angrily, still holding his assaulted foot. "That thing is a menace and we cannot have him along on this trip. We've put up with one of your friends, we will not put up with another."  
  
Several of the Dwarves agreed with Thorin, but Gandalf shushed them with a wave of his hand.  
  
"We cannot turn back, we are too far ahead. For the meanwhile the child will join us, until I find a suitable opportunity to return him home."  
  
"How will you do that?" Gloin asked, who was looking at the child distastefully.  
  
"I will personally take him home, or to a place I will know he will be safe at." Gandalf announced, surprising them all, including young Estel.  
  
At this news every member of the company looked questioningly at Gandalf- was he going to leave them? Would they have to go one without him? Surely not! Thought them all, dreading to part with the wise wizard.  
  
"Can we not send him back with a horse?" Oin suggested, scratching his beard.  
  
"No, I will not allow this boy to leave my sight until he is safely at home," Gandalf glared at Estel. "I perish to think what Elrond would do if he found out any harm came to his son."  
  
Thorin was about to argue when Gandalf added. "And if anyone feels this child has no place amongst you, then know that you will forfeit me as well. For until he is safe I will take personal care of him." Estel felt glad and safe at the wizard's words, but also annoyed to be considered a child who needed protection. But he dared not speak these feelings out loud, afraid of enraging the party even more. So they camped that night there, and introductions were made (though Estel doubted he would remember all the people's names, he was grateful to know Rabbit Feet had a name- Bilbo) and they made a quiet camp, not daring to sing or speak too loud. Estel felt more intimidated by the silence than by any noise he could think of until a few nights later.  
  
But at the moment he rode with Gandalf on his steed the next day (actually sitting on it, thankfully) and tried to learn about the curious people as much as possible. Fili and Kili were the first to allow his approach, being the youngest of the group and knowing fully well the implications of that. He told them about his childhood in Rivendell (they still didn't believe he was an Elf) and they in return told of theirs. He learned that the respectable Thorin was in fact their mother's brother and several other family trees (Oin and Gloin were brothers and cousins of Balin and Dwalin and such) which dwarves prided in, but made no difference to Estel. Why did it matter who's cousin you were and who's great grandson you were? Why should it give you more honor? Is it a title? By saying 'Heir of Durin' does it give Thorin more honor than normal dwarves? He shook these tiresome thoughts away and concentrated on listening and learning as much as possible.  
  
The following night Estel watched curiously as Gloin and Oin made the fire.  
  
"There's nothing to it," Gloin commented, teaching the young and eager pupil the art. He laughed heartedly at the young one's attempts, but with some instructions he finally succeeded and rewarded his teacher with a smile that brightened up the sky like a thousand diamond stars, with more intensity. And consequently in his now lifted heart (for not even Lord Elrond off guard or Gandalf the Grey could resist that winning smile and not smile in return, happier than they were) Gloin had no doubt that there was some elf in the lad.  
  
*  
  
The next few riding days up the mountain were quiet. The weather was horrible and it grew colder by the moment, but Estel dared not complain. No, he left that to the Hobbit and several Dwarves who enjoyed being gloomy. All and all the party was rather impressed with the boy, who sat riding in front of the Wizard, getting his share of the icy breeze. He carried himself with what he hoped was the Elven confidence and stature, but could have been conceived of conceited. Though he would never admit it to the boy, Gandalf took great pride in the way he ceased from behaving like a boy and tried quite successfully to act like a man. His heart was filled with sadness at the thought of this youth growing up too fast and losing his innocence, but something in his keen grey eyes told the wizard he was always this way. Always walked as if the weight of the world was on his tiny shoulders, which it very well might be in the future, but at the moment it is a waste of precious years.  
  
The next day the company met a thunderstorm, no make that a thunder- battle. The stone-giants were hurling rocks at one another and they made camp that night under a hanging rock. Estel sat there, shivering from head to toe under Gandalf's blanket, which he shared with the boy. He wouldn't say a word to anyone about it, but truth be told he was frightened. He never experienced thunder and lightening to this extent and dread was creeping through his veins and dripping to his heart and the pit of his stomach. Like rain- drops by drops and pretty soon it was overflowing and overwhelming. He startled out of his morbid thoughts when he heard a whimpering and glanced aside to see Bilbo cowering under his blanket. Estel couldn't help but smile at the pathetic sight and found the seed of courage he needed. He crawled out of the comfortable blanket and crawled over to the Hobbit.  
  
"Scary, isn't it?" Estel asked quietly, looking straight ahead. Bilbo stuck his head out from under the blanket and saw that the child was speaking sincerely.  
  
"I have never met such a storm in the Shire before," Bilbo whispered, more to himself than to Estel.  
  
"I've never heard of the Shire before," Estel said curiously. "Tell me about it, if you may." And so Bilbo went on to a thorough examination of the fields, people and different places in the Shire. About parties and presents and his very own Hobbit-hole. Bilbo took great pride as he described his cozy little house with all its merits. As he went on he hardly paid any attention to the sky or the drenching rain, reliving pleasant memories and keeping himself occupied. His spirits were lifted and for the first time in days he smiled a bittersweet smile, wishing he were back in the Shire.  
  
"You miss home, don't you?" Estel said understanding. "As do I." Bilbo glanced at the young boy and saw something odd. He knew that he was looking into the face of a very wet child, but what he saw was a wise and ageless confidant. He found himself reassured by those deep and emotional eyes and all his trouble seemed to lift from him and disappear. But it didn't disappear; it simply found a new owner, one who was willing to take on himself all the sorrow in the world, as long as others need not suffer. He was truly a remarkable child.  
  
"This won't do at all!" Thorin said, interrupting their moment. "If we don't get blown off or drowned, or struck by lightening, we shall be picked up by some giant and kicked sky-high for a football."  
  
"Well if you know of anywhere better, take us there!" Gandalf retorted grumpily. Estel covered his ears and tried to disappear. He never liked it when adults argued, it made him sick to the pit of his stomach. Luckily for him there weren't many arguing in Rivendell, but even the all mighty Elves weren't exempt from anger and strife. The discussion ended rather quickly when it was decided to send Fili and Kili, who had sharp eyes and being the youngest often got these types of work, to find better shelter. Fili and Kili returned soon enough, holding on to the rocks in the wind.  
  
"We have found a dry cave," said they, "not far round the next corner; and ponies and all could get inside."  
  
"Have you thoroughly explored it?" Asked the wizard, knowing fully well that caves up in the mountains were seldom unoccupied.  
  
"Yes, yes!" they said, but everyone knew they came back too quickly to explore it long. "It isn't that big, and it does not go far back." Though you could never know how far a cave went, this seemed good news enough and before long they arrived at the rocks before the cave. There was just room to get the ponies through with a squeeze, when they had been unpacked and unsaddled. Gandalf lit up his wand and by its light they began to explore the cave from end to end.  
  
It was a fair size, not too large and mysterious. It had a dry floor and comfortable nooks. They put their ponies at one end (who seemed grateful for the change in environment) and Oin and Gloin wanted to light a fire to dry their clothes, but Gandalf would have none of that. So they spread their wet things on the floor and took dry ones out of their bundles. They made their blankets comfortable and got out their pipes (besides Estel naturally) and blew smoke rings, which Gandalf turned into different colours and set dancing by the roof to amuse them. Estel jumped up and down and tried to get to the rings, which magically would move just beyond his reach- teasing him. They talked and talked and forgot about the storm, and discussed what each would do with his share of the treasure.  
  
"What will you do with your share, young Master Elf?" Balin asked jokingly.  
  
"I do not need treasure," Estel argued with conviction. "Gold will never buy happiness. All I wish is for adventures and fights, and I will be pleased."  
  
"I fear you will live to regret such a statement," Gandalf said tutting. "But let us sleep now, for we are weary and the road ahead is greater than the time we have!" And so one by one they dropped off to sleep, and that was the last time they used their ponies; packages; baggages; tools and paraphernalia that they brought with them.  
  
Estel was in the middle of an odd dream, tossing and turning and covered with a thin layer of sweat. In his dream he saw great armies fighting together, his Dwarf friends among them. He saw some Elves, man and other creatures laboring against creatures of the night. He saw men falling with blank eyes and open mouths, as though they were about to say something but died before it left their lips. He saw great carnage and massacre and wanted to shield his eyes, but in the dream his eyes were wide open and unblinking. He saw sights he could not decipher, that flashed by too quickly to register in his mind, he saw faceless people falling and not getting up again. The colours changed and blurred and suddenly he wasn't in the same battle. He saw men of great stature together fighting evil. Saw the death, smelt the decay and tasted the metallic taste of blood. There, amongst the valiant warriors was a lone figure, one destined to such a life. He turned towards Estel and the young boy's breath was caught in his throat. It was the same ageless man with his own dark and ancient grey eyes and unruly dark hair. He immediately recognized him and he swallowed hard, knowing this was what he could expect, these horrors. Then the man smiled at him sadly, as though apologizing for all he would have to endure in the future- this man's past and present. Then the man turned his back on him and with a shrill cry plunged his sword into the enemy's heart-  
  
Estel woke up with a start when he heard a scream not from his dream.  
  
  
  
-END PART 3-  
  
Author's note:  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Aralondwen, I hope you ate and slept, girl! Seriously you got me to write this chapter quicker than I intended and motivated me. Well I had my huge test today (yes I learn on Sundays, bumber) so other than being really depressed about it, it gave me a chance to write a bit. I have a few more tests coming up, so I'm not sure when I'llw rite again, but who knows. Your reviews might just push me to write faster, hint hint.  
  
A little explanation, incase some of you didn't get it, like Eugenides:  
  
In my opinion Estel doesn't know that Elrond isn't his real father. Elrond and Gilraen decided to keep it from him because it would revoke questions they're not ready to answer and might be dangerous. They might not have said 'Elrond is your father' but they never said anything to counter it and give him a reason to doubt it. When characters talk about Elrond and Estel I tried my best that they don't specifically say 'your father' (even though he IS his father the moment he adopted him). If anyone understood my babbling, there you go. No fancy quote in the beginning, I'm afraid, but the next will have one.  
  
-Ivy- 


	4. Courage and Fear

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."  
  
- Ambrose Redmoon  
  
***  
  
Estel got to his feet immediately, any thought of sleep forgotten. It took him only moments to find the being that emitted the startling sound: Bilbo. A quick glance at what made the poor Hobbit yell caused the child to stumble and gasp.  
  
"Goblins!" He tried to yell, but no voice came out of his throat. He saw the Dwarves struggling with six goblins each and Bilbo himself had two. He felt himself being tugged and realized a single goblin was trying to drag him. The goblin underestimated the capacity of a small child to escape his guard. Estel dully knew this was the moment to act, the moment where he would have a chance to prove his worthiness to his party. As he was dragged towards the hole his hand edged towards his stash of arrows, hidden at his back in all times. He reached for his bow at his side and while the beast was busy he knocked an arrow in and pulled the string back and-  
  
Nothing.  
  
Estel froze, arrow pointed at the goblin's face, quivering. The creature laughed and roughly brushed the arrow aside, and smacked the boy across the face harshly. He was about to drag the boy by his long mane when there was a terrible flash of lightening followed by a smell of gunpowder. Different hands grabbed Estel and he saw scattered on the ground dead goblins. The hands quickly pulled him through a crack in the wall that was closing quickly and they went through in the nick on time. He was thrown to the ground, with the weight of the hiding person above him, shielding him while suffocating him.  
  
"Stay close to the ground!" A familiar voice hissed in his ear and he need not look up to know whom his savior was- Gandalf.  
  
"Where are the others?" Estel asked shivering, but not from the cold.  
  
"They've been captured. Come! We mustn't waste time staying here, we must rescue them!" Gandalf said quietly, pulling Estel up to his feet. Gandalf was about to follow the goblins when Estel stopped him, tugging on his robes.  
  
"What is it, child? Speak, we haven't the time!" Gandalf said exasperated.  
  
"I-I failed you," the boy said with self-reproach, disgusted with his behavior.  
  
"I don't see how you had enough time to do so," Gandalf said with a kind smile, but his voice conveyed the urgency he felt.  
  
"I was attacked by only one of those foul things," Estel explained slowly, making sure the wizard would follow his train of thought. "It turned its back on me, giving me enough time to remove an arrow and aim with my bow, which I did. I aimed right between those horrid eyes, b-but I…." He licked his cut lips from the blow of the goblin. "I couldn't do it." He hung his head in shame, expecting the other to anger. But Gandalf felt no such emotion towards the kind and heartfelt child.  
  
"I wish to speak with you very much, young one. But if we stand here any longer we will lose sight of our friends." Gandalf explained, and pulled the child along.  
  
"Who are these miserable persons?" the heard the great goblin saying. They paid no heed to the conversation, knowing time was pressing. Gandalf sat crouching on the floor, working spells of great magic and fire. He gave quiet orders to Estel, who preformed them to the letter. While they worked in dead silence, Gandalf felt this to be the most fitting time to address the issue Estel brought up.  
  
"Nobody expected you to fight off goblins," he said quietly, angry with himself for the state the boy was in. He was HIS responsibility, how could he allow him to be handled by goblins and on a dangerous quest?  
  
"Then what good am I to you?" Estel asked, still fingering his stick of fire, which Gandalf told him to tie. "The Dwarves are on a quest, the Hobbit is a burglar you are a wizard- how am I to contribute?" His eyes seemed crushed. "I hoped to prove myself in battle, but my courage failed me."  
  
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." Gandalf lectured. "We are all afraid at one point in our lives or another. It is in overcoming that fear that threatens to cripple us. But you are still young, you will have many chances to overcome it."  
  
"How do you overcome it?" Estel asked nervously, feeling his heart in the pit of his stomach.  
  
"You need to realize that death is a natural part of life, something you might not have thought of growing up in Rivendell." Gandalf said, putting together his magic. "Once you've realized its folly fearing something that will happen sooner or later, you ask yourself this: Does your purpose outweigh the danger and risk of death? Are your friends worth risking your life for?"  
  
"I understand," Estel said solemnly. "And I shan't fail you again!"  
  
"You could never do so, while still being true to your nature," Gandalf said kindly, embracing the child. "I fear you are growing up too fast for my liking."  
  
"I wish I would grow UP height-wise," Estel complained. "I fear I will be dwarves' height till the end of time!"  
  
"Dwarves are respectable folks, you don't see them complaining!" Gandalf smiled. "Besides, I have a feeling you will live to tower over me someday. Come, we must save our friends now, the time for pleasantries is over."  
  
In a moment the lights in the cavern went off and the great fire went off into a tower of blue glowing smoke, scattering-piercing white sparks all among the goblins. Noises beyond description soon followed and the goblins were rolling on the floor biting and kicking and fighting. A sword flashed in its own light and pierced the Great Goblin and he fell dead. Estel clinged to Gandalf as close as possible, afraid of losing him in the dim light.  
  
"Follow me quick!" Gandalf's fierce voice commanded as they followed him in a line. "Quicker, quicker! The torches will soon be relit." Estel found it difficult to keep up with the wizard's long strides and slowly fell behind, almost as far back as Bilbo.  
  
"Half a minute!" Called Dori, who picked the Hobbit up and resolved to carrying him on his shoulders, as they ran down the halls, the clink-clink of the chains the only sound they heard.  
  
After what seemed like forever they finally stopped and Gandalf lit up his wand, cut the chains that bound them and returned Thorin's sword to him.  
  
"Are we all here?" He asked. "Let me see: one-that's Thorin; two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven; where are Fili and Kili? Here they are, twelve, thirteen- and here's Mr. Baggins: fourteen! Estel? Oh I see you now, don't stay so far behind next time: fifteen! Well, well! It might be worse, and then again it might be a good deal better. No ponies, and no food, and no knowing quite  
  
where we are, and hordes of angry goblins just behind! On we go!" And on they went and Gandalf was indeed right: They heard goblins' shrieks and cries coming just from the passages they evacuated, growing closer and closer still. The Dwarves took turns in carrying poor Bilbo on their backs, as he couldn't move fast enough. Estel himself was half dragged, half carried by Gandalf, who was afraid of letting the youth out of his sight.  
  
"Why, O why did I ever leave my hobbit-hole!" They heard Bilbo complaining as he bumped up and down on Bombur's back.  
  
"Why, O why did I ever bring a wretched little hobbit on a treasure hunt!" Said Bombur in return, sweat dripping down his forehead in heat and fear. Now Gandalf and Thorin fell behind and Gandalf pushed Estel ahead of him for the first time. They turned a sharp turner and heard Gandalf crying: "About turn! Draw your sword, Thorin!" As the goblins came scurrying around the corner they found Goblin-Cleaver and Foe-Hammer shining bright and angry, killing the first row of goblins. Estel watched the sight and heard the blood curling yells of the creatures as they were slain and he made up his mind. He took a deep breath and reached for his bow and arrow, knowing it was now or never. He gathered what courage he could and concentrated on the first goblin within range, relying on the glowing swords for light. He knocked an arrow in and pulled the string back, holding his breath, his heart beating in his ears. He felt sweat trickling down his forehead and brushed it with his shoulder.  
  
"The safety of my friends is more important than mine, the safety of my friends is more important than my life…." Was his mantra as his hand quivered in place. The goblin sneered at him and lunged forward, managing to escape both Thorin and Gandalf's swords' wrath. The startled Estel quickly let go of the arrow, causing it to shoot out and pierce the goblin's flesh. The creature's eyes widened as he looked at his killer with shocked, but already blank eyes. Estel was good in archery and he hit the goblin in the heart. He looked dumbfounded at the dark blood slowly gathering under the creature of the night, mystified.  
  
He did it. He shot a goblin. He took a life. He should have been proud, but instead he felt sick to his stomach and vomited in the corner. He had little to no time to recover as he was yanked off his feet by Gandalf, who knew he was in no state to walk, and was carried the rest of the way. What none of them knew was that the goblins were clever and put out their torches, slipped on soft shoes and sent out their quickest runners with the sharpest ears and eyes, who followed the faint light from Gandalf's wand. And so the Dwarves, led by Gandalf hurried down the dark tunnels of the goblin's realm. They heard a shout and THUD from behind and soon they heard and felt goblins biting and clawing in the dark. Gandalf and Thorin thrashed about with their swords, nearly missing several party members' heads (including Dori and Estel's) when a sudden blinding flash sent the goblin yelping back.  
  
"Follow me everybody!" Gandalf yelled. They were in great hurry and with no time to count. Estel was nearly trampled over but he kept close to Gandalf, holding onto his arm or robes, not daring to let go and be lost in the tunnels. They finally dashed through the gate-guards, out of the lower door and were out of there! They wondered out of the little high valley, over its edge, and down the slopes beyond. They went on a stony path winding downwards; with a rocky wall on the left hand. On the other side the ground sloped away and there were dells below the level of the path overhung with buses and low trees. They found a dell under the bushes and rested there. Estel was weary both physically and mentally.  
  
"Are you alright?" Gloin asked him concerned. During the short time Estel was part of the group, Gloin felt that the youth was in need of his protection and decided to look out for him. Whether or not it had something to do with the fact Gloin was a father himself I could not tell. "Your wound needs mending." He continued and examined the bleeding cut on his face.  
  
"Not as much as the wound in my heart doth," Estel replied, as Gloin tore a piece of his fabric, wet it in the river and washed the boy's cut. Estel smiled at him kindly, but the smile did not reach his cold eyes.  
  
"It does not seem deep, it shall heal well," Gloin said calmly, though he was not a healer. Gandalf came over and checked the wound, nodding his agreement.  
  
"Yes, you will survive this ordeal quite well, young master Estel. And how is the goblin-slayer feeling?" There was a pride gleam in his eyes.  
  
"Why is it that I am feeling ill?" Estel asked confused. "They are foul creatures, the enemy. Yet…"  
  
"Even theirs is a life wasted," Gandalf said gently. "You are growing up, my child. You are getting rid of your childhood notions of fighting and war, and learning how it truly is."  
  
"I don't care much for it," Estel admitted reproached. "I wish they were no wars! Why must people fight and kill each other? Why can we not gather together and live in peace?"  
  
"You cannot live with goblins, if you want to wake up in the morning! They will stab you in the back the first chance they get!" Thorin pouted angrily from his place.  
  
"No one is born evil," Estel argued naively, reminding them he was yet a child.  
  
"Shows how much you know, young one," Thorin said conceitedly. "THEY are."  
  
"Come now, let us not argue over opinions, once you have them they are hard to change," Gandalf said mediating. "We have much to do and less time to do it in!"  
  
"Wait, there is something amiss," Estel said thoughtfully. "Has anyone else noticed it is dreadfully quiet here?" It took them but a moment to realize what it was that was missing, or should I say WHO was missing.  
  
"WHERE'S BILBO!" They cried as one, and began searching around for him.  
  
  
  
  
  
-END PART 4-  
  
I have to admit I was disappointed I only got only 2 review (please don't review the same chapter more than once, it just depresses me and I'll just erase all your reviews. If someone has something to say to me they can email me.) considering it was twice as long and as good in my opinion (and I rarely like stuff I write) as the first two. But I decided to write this one with a warning:  
  
I love this series, but not getting any reviews gets me down, so unless I get three reviews at least (NOT from the same person) I will put this story on the back burner and move on until I see I get more reviews. Not such a big request considering chapter 2 got about 7 reviews and chapter one got 4. So hope people are reading and reviewing, I need honest and constructive feedback to motivate me. I don't blame people for not seeing this story; I mean a day after putting this story up it was bumped to page 8. Plus there are far too many 'Mary Sue pops into Middle Earth and meets Legolas' stories, and Legolas/Aragorn stories, so some good stories are passed over. This very well might be one of those, but I hope I'm wrong.  
  
Ivy 


	5. I don't want the world to see me

"And I don't want the world to see me  
  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand…" –Iris  
  
**  
  
For the entire day and the following, until the sun started to set, the party searched for Bilbo vigorously. At first they thought he couldn't have possibly gone far, and searched near camp- splitting into groups and calling his name out. All the while they felt the still lurking danger the goblins possessed and tried to be as cautious and quiet as possible. When the sun started to set, they finally admitted that he didn't leave the cave with them and was lost inside.  
  
"For all we know, the goblins ate him for supper already!" Oin bristled as he sat on the ground exhausted.  
  
"Come now! That is no way to speak, we must have faith that he still lives," Gandalf reproached sternly, his brow frowning in concern. Estel sat by his side quietly, knowing full well that the grownups were upset and any little thing he'd do would set them off. He learned it plenty of times from his father's important meetings with powerful people, where any miniscule thing he said, any off hand comment would bring upon him Elrond's tight glance and harsh words. When he was very young he remembered cringing at such an open display of displeasure from an Elf Lord who was known for his patience and even temper. But with time he learned when not to talk or speak of his mind and when to do so. At least he thought so.  
  
"Mister Baggins will be alright," Estel said in what he hoped was an assured voice. "I bet he's been in hundreds of tight situations like these before. I bet he'll be bouncing along the path in no time."  
  
"Ignorant child," Thorin shook his head. "You know not of what you speak, or of danger." Estel got up loudly and left camp to be on his own. He tried to hold the tears back, and the few that managed to get away were brushed aside harshly with the back of his hand. Balin, who was on watch, saw the distraught child and motioned for him to sit by his side. Estel welcomed the company, and the silence of the watch and so he gladly sat there, to submerge in his thoughts.  
  
'It isn't fair…' he said in his mind. 'They keep telling me to grow up, saying I will understand things better, or that they'll tell me more stuff. When I do try to act and do what they do, they yell at me. What did I ever do to them? Why don't they want me? I thought I proved my worth when I- I killed that… Isn't that what adults do? But they don't accept me, they still think of me as a burden. I don't want to be a burden! Was I a burden to you, father? I keep getting into trouble, but it's not my fault! Do you sometimes wish you never had me? That I would just disappear and so would all your troubles? Well you probably got your wish!' Estel shifted angrily on the ground, trying to unwind. 'But I still miss you… I don't want this anymore, I just wanted to have fun! To go on an adventure! But this isn't fun anymore and they don't want me. So who does? I want to be home…'  
  
*  
  
Gilraen the Fair, daughter of Dirhael and Ivorwen paced in Lord Elrond's study. Ever since her son vanished, she rarely ate and rarelier slept. Every waking moment she sat and hoped for a messenger yet simultaneously dreaded it. She wished for word that her precious was safe, but a messenger could bring the news of his death. And so with mixed feelings she finally sat down and watched, as the Sun parted from this plain and set behind the sea. She sighed inwardly, her mind registering footsteps announcing the Lord's arrival. She smiled a thin smile, knowing that Lord Elrond wanted his presence known, otherwise she would have never heard him come in. She got to her feet and bowed respectfully.  
  
"My Lord," she said cordially, her eyes betraying the turmoil inside. "Is there word?"  
  
Elrond seemed to hesitate and she gasped, fearing the worse.  
  
"No!" She said, feeling slightly dizzy and holding on to the side of his desk for support. "It cannot be!"  
  
"You misunderstand," Elrond said hastily. "The news that came do not announce his death."  
  
Gilraen shut her eyes and let out a breath, slowly sitting down. "Thank the stars!" She gulped the panic that was brought about with the thought of her Estel's death, her hope. She was beyond relieved and was about to smile when several things did not seem right. "Wait… Then what do the news announce, my Lord?" She asked, fear grasping at her heart once more as he seemed reluctant to talk. If it were good news his tongue would be looser than this.  
  
"Gandalf the Grey sent word, the child is with him and is unharmed." Elrond said, sitting opposite her and trying to convey serenity.  
  
"There is more, I can sense it," Gilraen said uneasily.  
  
"Yes," Elrond nodded. One thing he learned over the years Gilraen the Fair lived in Rivendell was that she was very perceptive. Little went by her and it often helped keep a certain rascal in check. Now, however, it merely made the news more difficult to say.  
  
"Gandalf stopped by here several days ago, you know of this," Elrond started slowly. "He was accompanied by thirteen Dwarves and a Hobbit. They were on a quest to retrieve their ancestors' gold from Smaug the dragon." He looked her intently in the eye. "Estel is now with them."  
  
"Oh no!" Gilraen whispered, sinking deeper into despair. "But, but he is just a child, what business does he have with dragons and quests? From what I heard the road they are taking is full of peril and now my son is in the midst of this? He will surely die!"  
  
"Estel is a smart boy and he can hold his own," Elrond tried to comfort her. "But Gandalf assures me it will not come to that. He is protecting the boy himself and before they reach their destination he will head to some council, where I shall meet him and retrieve Estel from him."  
  
"My poor Estel!" Gilraen said, nearly breaking down in tears, making Lord Elrond feel uncomfortable. "He's my only son! What will I do if he comes to harm?" Elrond begrudgingly went over and sat besides her, trying to comfort the woman.  
  
"You know I care for him as a son," he said to her soothingly. "I pray for him and dread for him and age because of him." At that Gilraen was forced to grin in agreement.  
  
"Sometimes I fear I will die worrying for him," she said with a sad smile. "Why can he not stay safe, with the people that love him?"  
  
"Then he would be acting against his nature," Elrond said thoughtfully. "He has fire in him, one I hope will never die, and it drives him to action. A trait I suspect he gets from his father."  
  
Gilraen looked at him curiously. "You do not think I was of such at his age?" A smirk caressed her tender lips. "But you are right, he does resemble you a lot."  
  
"I did not mean-"  
  
"I know whom you were speaking of. You were referring to my late husband, Arathorn. And he was a very energetic man, you are right. But Estel never knew him. YOU are his father, in his eyes, and he grows more like you as the days count by. The same courage, the same honor, the same stubbornness…"  
  
"But I am not his father," Elrond said sadly, his shoulders slumping a little. "And he will soon find out. I wished to keep the truth for him, until he was old and mature enough to understand its implications. But I fear he is growing up too soon and in less than a dozen seasons I will be forced to tell him."  
  
"You dread that day," Gilraen observed keenly, yet respectable. "Why do you fear it? Do you fear he will love you any less than he does now? If so you are mistaken. The truth will only grant him title and duty, not a different father. As much as I loved Arathorn I am glad, if not him, that at least you raised him. You have been more than generous to us and I highly doubt Estel's love for you could diminish with a few words. He will always love you, you can be sure, my Lord." She spoke not more of this subject, knowing it was a personal one and very delicate. Instead, she turned to the window to watch the retreating sun.  
  
"He loves to watch the sun set, you know," she spoke in a hushed voice. Elrond stared out of the window as well.  
  
"Indeed, many a times have I caught him outside after hours watching her set. What is it about the setting that makes him willing to break the rules?"  
  
"It mirrors his desires," Gilraen said, eyes not wavering. "His yearning for adventure and escape. He wishes to go where the sun goes off to, when she leaves our view." Elrond was silence for several minutes, as he tried to arrange his thoughts.  
  
"Then I hope he returns to us, just as the sun does."  
  
***  
  
Estel was still on the lookout when he felt a breeze swoosh by. He tightened his small coat and continued to listen to the conversation in camp.  
  
"We cannot possibly go on with the journey, leaving Mr. Baggins in the hands of the Goblins, without trying to find out if he's dead or alive, and without trying to rescue him." Gandalf said. "After all he is my friend and not a bad little chap. I feel responsible for him. I wish to goodness you had not lost him."  
  
"He has been more trouble than use so far," Dwalin complained. "If we have got to go back now into those abominable tunnels to look for him, then dart him, I say."  
  
"I brought him, and I don't bring things that are of no use," Gandalf replied angrily. "Either you help me to look for him, or I go and leave you here to get out of the mess as best you can yourselves. If we can only find him again, you will thank me before all this is over. Whatever did you want to go and drop him for, Dori?"  
  
"You would have dropped him," Dori said. "If a goblin had suddenly grabbed your leg from behind in the dark, tripped up your feet, and kicked you in the back!"  
  
"Then why didn't you pick him up again?"  
  
"Good heavens! Can you ask! Goblins fighting and biting in the dark, everybody falling over bodies and hitting one another! You nearly chopped off my head with Glamdring, and Thorin was stabbing here there and everywhere with Orcrist. All of a sudden you gave one of your blinding flashes, and we saw the goblins running back yelping. You shouted 'follow me everybody!' and everybody ought to have followed. We thought everybody had. There was no time to count, as you know quite well, till we had dashed through the gate-guards, out of the lower door, and helter-skelter down here. And here we are- without the burglar, confusticate him!"  
  
"And here's the burglar!" Bilbo said appearing in the middle of them. Everyone jumped in shock and delight and Gandalf called to Balin and Estel. He told Balin what he thought of a lookout man who let people walk right into them like that without warning. They bombarded Bilbo with questions, but he merely chuckled and when they asked how he did it, he said: ""O, just crept along, you know- very carefully and quietly." Estel was curious as to how he managed to creep along an experienced watchman like Balin, not to mention an Elf! Though he had to admit that there was a moment of distraction when Balin decided to teach the youth some watching techniques…  
  
"Well, it is the first time that even a mouse has crept along carefully and quietly under my very nose and not been spotted," said Balin. "And I take off my hood to you. Balin at your service."  
  
"Your servant, Mr. Baggins," Bilbo said. He proceeded to telling them about getting lost in the tunnels and meeting the strange creature Gollum. He told them of the riddles they told, how he ran out of riddles and asked: "What's in my pocket?" How he came to kill Bilbo and how Bilbo escaped by dodging the guards. All in all the party's respect towards the Hobbit went up when they heard he dodged the guards and jumped over Gollum. Estel listened with his mouth open and his eyes wide, thinking Bilbo must be an incredible Hobbit to have done all that and in incredible shape! Which definitely did not show! He was considering asking Mr. Bilbo if all Hobbits are athletic and if so why are they so fat, but he decided to keep it for later.  
  
Next Gandalf told Bilbo of what happened since the goblins attacked, but Estel wasn't interested since he already knew the tale. He dozed off, imagining as if HE were in Bilbo's shoes (and what very large shoes to fill!) and telling smart riddles, running from slimy creatures and jumping over them! Secretly he envied the Hobbit that he had a chance to be courageous and brave and not Estel, and he wondered if he'd ever get the chance.  
  
'Not very likely…' Estel thought bitterly. Though his father allowed him to hunt and fight with his brothers, he never really liked him fighting. Which was even stranger, considering Lord Elrond's battle reputation! He always excused it by stating that Estel was too young to hear of the horrors of battle and not old enough to understand the consequences. Every time guests arrived and Elrond was about to embark on another one of his famous stories, he would tell Estel it was his bedtime. No, according to his father, Estel should study at school and develop his mind and intellect rather than his combat skills. Intellect- ha! What good was that for for a fighter? To bore your enemies to death with stories?  
  
Gandalf woke him out of his reveries. "We must be getting on at once, now we are a little rested. They will be out after us in hundreds when night comes on; and already shadows are lengthening. They can smell our footsteps for hours and hours after we have passed. We must be miles on before dusk. There will be a bit of moon, if it keeps fine, and that is lucky. Not that they mind the moon much, but it will give us a little light to stir by."  
  
*  
  
"I am so dreadfully hungry," Bilbo groaned, causing Estel to frown angrily. So far Estel had kept quiet about the nagging feeling of emptiness in his stomach, because he was afraid it would bring upon him the party's wrath. And now this absurdly fat rabbit is complaining like… Like a baby!  
  
"Can't help it," Gandalf answered. "Unless you like to go back and ask the goblins nicely to let you have your pony and back and your luggage." Ha! If it were Estel, they would be scowling at him by now! Grownups are so not fair…  
  
"No thank you!" Bilbo said.  
  
"Very well then, we must just tighten our belts and trudge on- or we shall be made into supper, and that will be much worse than having none ourselves."  
  
His stomach growled in protest so loud one of the Dwarves looked at him peculiarly. Estel moaned quietly. Back at home they never missed a meal, and every meal was a feast! And there were interesting people, singing and stories… No! He will not allow himself to get homesick. Warriors don't get homesick, they travel a lot of have many wonderful adventures and close death experiences! Just like with the goblins, only ten times more exciting! And he was going to slay a dragon! How many others could say they have done the same? His father would look at him differently and he'd finally have something to show off about to his older brothers! And the kids in school? They'd never look down and him again!  
  
They went on, and the rough path disappeared. The bushes and the long grasses vanished, and they found themselves at the top of a wide steep slope of fallen stones. When they started to go down this, small pebbles and stones and soon the entire slope started rolling and sliding down! The trees at the bottom saved them. They caught hold of some lower branches and swung onto them (save for Bilbo who hid behind one) and sheltered themselves from the onslaught of rocks.  
  
"Well! That has got us on a bit," Gandalf said. "And even goblins tracking us will have a job to come down here quietly."  
  
"I daresay," Bombur grumbled. "But they won't find it difficult to send stones bouncing down on our heads." Estel gulped and the rest weren't too happy either.  
  
"Nonsense! We are going to turn aside here out of the path of the slide. We must be quick! Look at the light!" The sun had long gone behind the mountains and already the shadows were deepening around them. They limped along now as fast as they were able down the gentle slopes of a pine forest in a slanting path leading steadily southwards.  
  
"Must we go any further?" Bilbo complained once more. "My toes are all bruised and bent, and my legs ache, and my stomach is wagging like an empty sack." Estel was too tired and too hungry to even think of resenting the Hobbit for being allowed to be lazy and fat.  
  
"A bit further," Gandalf said. After what seemed like ages to the young child, the came to an opening where no trees grew. The moon was shining in the clearing, but the place didn't strike anyone as nice. All of a sudden they heard a long shuddering howl down hill. It was answered another away to the right and a great deal nearer to them, then by another not far away to the left. Estel's heart sank in his stomach, any thought of food forgotten. He recognized the sound, from his numerous hunts with his brothers and it was never good. It was wolves howling at the moon, wolves gathering together!  
  
  
  
-END PART 5-  
  
  
  
Author's note: Wow, finally! The reason it took me so long was school, finals, computer phobia and writer's block! So sorry people for keeping you waiting, I'm glad you reviewed the last chapter and enjoyed it! Some of your reviews made me smile. Oh, just so you know I don't write this for reviews, but reviews are a stimulator to writing. Good criticism- motivates, constructive criticism- builds, flamers- annoy. I'm not sure when I'll get around to writing the next installment, I got finals and then vacation, which means I'll be a councilor for four weeks in camp, and I go to Europe! Yay for me! So don't worry if you don't see it any time soon!  
  
Ivy 


	6. Like a bird

If it doesn't come out Italic, dreams/memories will also come after a ~*~

Small warning- if you don't like flashbacks you might not enjoy this chapter. I, my self, find they give the characters more depth. But that's just me. Too bad, this is my story!

*

**__**

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away… -Nelly Furtado 

*

"Wolves!" Estel cried panicked and nearly dropped his bow.

"What shall we do, what shall we do!" He heard Bilbo cry. "Escaping goblins to be caught by wolves!" Estel took a deep and shaky breath and was about to take out an arrow when Gandalf grabbed his arm.

"Up the trees quick!" Gandalf said, already running with Estel to look for one.

"Get on my shoulders." He told the youth, whom complied, jumping up the tall man's shoulders and clutching for dear life. Gandalf started to climb a large pine tree at the very edge of the glade. Estel shut his eyes as the boughs scratched at his face. His eyes were still shut when Gandalf ducked from a branch, sending Estel headfirst into it. He yelped and lost his hold on Gandalf and started to fall down the tree.

"GANDALF!" Estel yelled, as he grabbed a hold on a slender branch, not more than six feet from the ground. His entire body was sore from hitting all those branches on the long way down and his arms were throbbing. He looked down and saw wolves gathered at his tree, snapping their jaws at him and trying to pounce at him. 

"Ahh!" He cried as one nearly bit his dangling leg. He quickly swung his legs out of the way, which only served to strain the branch further. He watched with dread fascination as the branch he held onto slowly snapped, bit by bit, until the branch began to lean back, closer to the tree trunk.

This was not good.

Estel tried clawing at the trunk and got a hold on it, right before the branch snapped completely, sending it diving to the waiting, open jaws of the wolves. He dug his nails deeper into the tree, afraid to even breathe. He felt his fingers slipping down the trunk.

"No!" He cried as they finally came loose, sending him too diving straight to the open mouths of the guarding wolves.

Or at least it would have had Gandalf not chosen that moment precisely to reach the boy and grab his shirt.

"Hang on!" Gandalf said, as he slowly lifted the boy to his branch. The boy lay quivering on the strong, big branch, panting.

"That was close," Gandalf commented, shaking his head. "I was truly afraid I would not reach you in time. But luckily it seems you are a skilled tree-climber."

Estel smiled widely, though still shaking. "It comes from the years of sneaking back into my room after curfew, when my window is that high up."

"Indeed?" Gandalf smiled amused, but he quickly sobered. "Come now, we must climb back up to where we were. Get on my back."

"Oh no," Estel shook his head vehemently. "I think it will be safer if I climbed alone this time." He said, and started climbing in front of Gandalf. Gandalf shook his head in awe. The boy kept surprising him, drawing courage from some hidden place. Yes, he could very well fill the position he was destined to fill, to bring men together under a strong leadership to more glorious times. But in order for that to happen he had to survive this adventure first12.

"Where are the others?" Estel asked, once they were safe again. "I hope Mr. Baggins found a tree all right, I don't think he climbs trees."

"No, he does not. I saw Dori getting out of the tree in order to help him up, the poor soul. To answer your first question the others are there-" Gandalf pointed at four different trees, all guarded by wolves.

"Why do they keep on coming?" Estel asked all of a sudden.

"I beg your pardon?" Gandalf asked confused.

"The wolves, there must be hundreds of them!" And indeed there were; hundreds and hundreds of wolves kept coming and formed a great circle in the glade.

"Must be a gathering of some sort," Gandalf muttered, eyeing the great grey wolf in the middle of the circle. He hushed Estel and perked his ears, trying to catch the wolves' conversation.

Estel edged closer, careful not to fall off the branch, and tried to listen as well. They spoke in the dreadful tongue of the Warg, which Gandalf understood, but he wasn't the only one…

~*~

__

"Hey there!" Gandalf said, as Estel bumped into him, seeming in a hurry. "Where are you rushing off to?" It was a clear spring day without a cloud in the Rivendell sky, and Gandalf was sitting on a bench, smoking his pipe and enjoying it.

"I'm off to hunt a wild Beast!" Seven years old Estel said importantly, sticking his chest out with pride.

"Oh?" Gandalf asked suspiciously. "I wonder what Lord Elrond has to say about that…"

"Nothing," Estel said quickly, realizing his position. One wrong move and it was bye bye Wild Beast.

"Nothing?" Gandalf asked surprised. "That is truly odd, as I seem to recall a certain Elf Lord telling a certain messy child that he is not allowed to go hunting till he is older." He leaned forward, smoke blowing from his pipe. 

"Perhaps he changed his mind," Estel tried to no avail. 

"Estel-" Gandalf said warningly.

"Alright, alright- perhaps he does not know," he admitted, hanging his head in shame. "Please don't tell him, I saw Elladan and Elrohir going hunting and if I catch up to them they'd let me hunt." The look in his eyes was unbearably miserable. 

"I cannot do so, you know that," Gandalf said gently, picking Estel up and placing him on his lap.

"Why not?" Estel pouted, his grey eyes hurt.

"Well, for starters I am a guest at your house, it is rude for a guest to lie to his host about the whereabouts of his son, hmm?" Gandalf's eyes twinkled.

"I want to go hunting," Estel said earnestly, not willing to give up.

"I dare say you will have your share of hunting when you're older, but at this moment you will be a good little boy and listen to your father's rules. Now, tell me master Estel- what do they teach you in school?"

Estel sighed deeply. "Well, we have archery classes, which are the only interesting thing to do there. Most of the time they bore us with historical stories about some great Elf or another that did something magnificent."

"What is wrong with those stories, I thought you liked adventures," Gandalf asked curiously.

"I do, but the 'magnificent things' that they teach us about in school are architecture and poetry, rarely about any great wars or courage. Who wants to hear about how you build a house inside a tree trunk or around a river?"

"Not all lessons are that dull, I'm sure."

"Really? Name one," Estel challenged him, his arms crossed. Gandalf picked the boy up and placed him next to him on the bench.

"Languages."

Estel snorted. "Those are the worse! Why should I care about anything other than the one I speak? Everyone hear speaks Elvish."

"What about communicating with other beings?" Gandalf blew another smoke ring.

"I speak basic tongue, my mother taught it to me," Estel said proudly.

"Alright then, what about languages that are important to a hunter?" Gandalf challenged, crossing his arms.

"What languages are those?" Estel asked eagerly, any mentioning of hunting drawing his complete attention.

"Well, there are the languages of such animals as birds, wild cats, wolves-"

"You know the language of the wolves?" Estel asked excited. "Teach me, Uncle Gandalf," his eyes pleading. "Please?"

~*~

Estel wasn't as learned in this tongue as Gandalf the Grey was, but he understood enough to realize they planned a meeting with the goblins in order to raid the woodmen's village. And that they thought the party was woodmen spies.

"This is not good, is it Gandalf?" Estel asked quietly from his perch. 

"No, I'm afraid it is not," Gandalf said darkly, trying to come up with a plan.

"We don't have much time, the goblin soldiers will come down from the mountains any moment now." Estel's voice grew colder. "And they **_do_** know how to climb trees."

"You understood their conversation," Gandalf nodded, not that surprised at all. "You see? Not all lessons are in vain."

"I would have rather not known what they said, and be able to hope they get bored and leave us be," Estel replied. "What are we going to do, Gandalf?"

Wordlessly Gandalf began collecting pinecones from the branches and set them blue fire. He threw them down to the circle of wolves; they hit several wolves (including the grey leader) and caught their coat on fire. Estel watched with growing hope as the wolves howled and started rolling over, running around and looking for water. He smiled broadly and reached for his bow, knocking several arrows in it.

__

'Steady,' he thought to himself, concentrating on the fast beasts. _'Follow their movement.'_

~*~

__

"Estel!" Elrohir said exasperated. "I thought father told you not to come hunting with us."

"He might have," Estel said, adjusting his arrow sack. "When was the last time **you** listened to something Father has to say?"

"He has a point," Elladan smiled mischievously. 

"But he is nine mortal years of age, how on earth can he know anything about hunting?" Elrohir complained. "Besides, Father will literally **kill** us if he finds out we took him hunting."

"**If** he finds out," Estel smiled brightly. "I won't tell."

"Neither will I," Elladan said, eyes twinkling. "How about you, brother?"

Elrohir sighed, seeing he was out numbered. "Very well then, but if he catches you I was the one protesting."

"Yay!" Estel cried jumping and was quickly shushed by the twins.

"Be quiet!" Elladan whispered. "We don't want to scare it."

"What are we hunting?" Estel whispered excitedly, crouching next to them in the bushes.

"That-" Elrohir said, pointing at a huge black boar.

"Wow," Estel's eyes grew wide. "That is the biggest boar I have ever seen!"

"When was the last time you saw a wild boar?" Elladan asked.

"Maybe I haven't ever seen a wild boar before," Estel admitted embarrassed. "Look- it's moving!" Sure enough, the boar began to trot down the path, the three brothers carefully after it.

"Why do we not take our bow and arrows and kill it?" Estel asked confused. "Why sit here doing nothing?"

"We are not doing nothing," Elrohir sighed impatiently. "We are studying its movements."

"Why?" Estel asked confused.

"So we can hunt it," Elrohir snapped quietly, eyes trained on the beast.

"Why not simply shoot it?"

"Because, if we make too much noise, or miss by just a bit, the boar will run off and we will lose it." Elladan explained softly, slowly extracting the bow. "If we study its movements, we can predict how fast it will move and even **where** it will move to." Estel nodded and tried to learn the boar's movements.

'Watch the boar,' he instructed himself. 'Where will it go to?' He watched the boar in utter silence and fairly soon he began to see a pattern in the steps, rhythm in the strides. He tried a few guessing games, guessing where the boar will move to next. When he got several right, he glanced at his elder brothers and nodded to them. Without a word, the three knocked an arrow in the bow and released it in unison.

~*~

Estel remembered that day as if it were yesterday. His arrow was the first to get to the boar, hitting him in the thigh. His brothers were the ones who actually delivered the killing arrows, but he felt a swell of pride in himself nonetheless. But that pride was crushed when they got home and Elrond found out Estel went hunting. There was a weird glint in the Elf Lord's eyes as he asked if Estel killed the boar, a glint Estel didn't understand. When he heard that his wasn't the fateful arrow a sigh of relief escaped his tight lips, before the admonishing came. Estel never understood that sigh or that glint, but he had a feeling he was beginning to now.

Estel shook his head and quickly released several arrows, most of whom reached their target. Though the wolves moved faster than the boar, Estel caught up on their rhythm, and managed to kill several wolves and maim several more. He heard Bilbo and the Dwarves cheering Gandalf as more and more wolves caught fire. Gandalf spared only a glance at the boy, before returning his attention to the wolves. The Wargs that caught fire ran into the forest and set it alight in several areas, but the wolf-guards, remained near the trees, leaping and howling near the trunks.

Then goblins came running up yelling; thinking some form of battle with the woodmen was at place. The sat down and laughed when they saw what really happened. Soon they stacked ferns and brushwood round the tree trunks, others beat and stamped the fire out, except for the one near the trees where he Dwarves were. They fed the fire with leaves and dead branches. Soon the fire started licking the fuel piled under the trees; the smoke was in their eyes and they could feel the heat of the flames. The goblins started dancing round and round in a circle and sang a dreadful song:

__

Sixteen birds in five firtrees,

Their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze!

But, funny little birds, they had no wings!

O what shall we do with the funny little things?

Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot;

Fry them, boil them and eat them hot?

Then they stopped singing and shouted out: "Fly away little birds! Fly away if you can! Come down little birds, or you will get roasted in your nests! Sing, sing little birds! Why don't you sing?"

"Go away! Little boys!" Gandalf shouted in answer. "It isn't bird-nesting time. Also naughty little boys that play with fire get punished." He said bravely, taunting, though he was rather scared.

"I'm in a right mind to sing them to sleep with my arrows," Estel muttered angrily, trying to take his mind off the flames, very near their tree. "Horrible, nasty creatures."

But the goblins took no notice of Gandalf and continued singing.

__

Burn, burn tree and fern!

Shrivel and scorch! A fizzling torch

To light the night for our delight,

Ya hey!

Bake and toast 'em, fry and roast 'em!

Till beards blaze, and eyes glaze;

Till hair smells and skins crack,

Fat melts, and bones black

In cinders lie

Beneath the sky!

So dwarves shall die,

And light the night for our delight,

Ya hey!

Ya-harri-hey!

Ya hoy!

And with the _Ya hoy!_ The flames were under Gandalf and Estel's tree and within a moment it spread to the others. Gandalf quickly climbed to the top of the tree, with Estel following close behind.

"I am sorry, my dear child," Gandalf said to Estel sadly, regret lining his face. Estel looked at him confused, but before he got a chance to ask him what he meant by that, Gandalf prepared to leap.

"No!" Estel cried frightened, knowing fully well that although he would have probably killed many goblins in the process, it would have been the end of him. Suddenly the Lord of the Eagles swept down from above and seized Gandalf in his talons. Before he swept away with the wizard, Estel pounced on the Eagle's back, holding tightly, but still hitting his small knuckles against the eagle's back.

"Let him go!" Estel cried, plucking several feathers. The eagle let out a cry before turning his head to the silly little thing causing him pain.

"Estel! Leave the Lord of the Eagles alone! He does not wish to harm me, he is saving our life! Forgive him dear Lord, but he is a young and reckless lad. He thought you meant me harm," Gandalf explained. "Estel- look!" Estel looked down puzzled and watched as one by one eagles swooped down, their talons tearing at goblin faces. Others went to the tree-tops to retrieve the Dwarves. Estel watched dizzily as Bilbo grabbed Dori's leg, swinging in the air.

"Poor Hobbit!" Estel cried out sympathetically. 

"Don't worry about Bilbo, he is a stout Hobbit- he'll be alright," Gandalf said from the eagle's talons, his mood improved by much. Estel relaxed a bit, but not his hold on the eagle and he watched with fascination as the view changed in a dizzying way. He leaned forward and hugged the eagle's neck, afraid of falling from this height. He did not know how long the flight lasted, because after a while he closed his eyes. When he felt a hand on his shoulder he dared open them, and saw Gandalf's smiling face, and realized they landed. He allowed Gandalf to lift him off the eagle and looked around.

"Where are the others?" He asked curiously, as he looked around. He was on a wide shelf of rock on the mountain-side. He saw no path leading down and assumed one could only do so by flight.

"On their way," The Lord of the Eagles answered. "I told the others to bring them here." Eswent to a corner to sit down, feeling like his legs weighed a ton. It was probably one of the scariest experiences in his life, and he did not wish to repeat it any time soon. Gandalf and the Lord of the Eagles started to speak with one another and before long all the others were there as well. Estel drew closer to the group and learned that Gandalf healed their leader from an arrow-wound. Gandalf started to discuss plans with the Great Eagle for carrying them away and setting them well on their journey across the plains below. 

The Lord of the Eagle refused to take them near where men lived. "They would shoot at us with their great bows of yew," he said, glaring at Estel's bow in a way that made him hide it. "For they would think we were after their sheep. And at other times they would be right. No! We are glad to cheat the goblins of their sport, and glad to repay our thanks to you, but we will not risk ourselves for dwarves or a man-child in the southward plains."

"Very well," Gandalf said. "Take us where and as far as you will! We are already deeply obliged to you. But in the meantime we are famished with hunger."

"I am nearly dead of it," Bilbo said so weakly, nobody save for Estel, who stood next to him, heard. Estel smiled at the good-old Hobbit's words.

"That perhaps can be mended," the Lord of the Eagles said. The eagles brought up dry branches for fuel, and rabbits, hares and a small sheep. Bilbo was too weak to help, and so the Dwarves [with the help of Estel, who had to get his mind off food] managed all the preparations. Gandalf sat back and rested, after doing his share in setting the fire, since Oin and Gloin lost their tinderboxes. Soon they were all well fed and content, and went to sleep. Estel cuddled near Gandalf, who was staring transfixed at the fire.

"I was scared," Estel said quietly, shivering but not form the cold. "But I knew that it would be alright, because you were there and you did not give up hope. You were brave all the time, talking back to those horrific creatures." He looked up at the wizard to see he was sound- asleep and snoring. Estel chuckled lightly, before drawing nearer to him and planting a kiss on his broad brow.

"Good night Uncle Gandalf, you silly wizard," Estel whispered, as sleep overcame him. He yawned loudly, before turning over and falling fast asleep, dreaming of meadows and lakes, but also dreaming of adventures.

-END PART 6-

Ha! Finally!

Sorry about the long delay, I was in summer camp for a month, then went to Belgium and Holland for 10 days. But I started writing this chapter a day after I got back (yesterday), and a chapter of this story takes about 2-3 days just to write it.

ElvenOnes- welcome aboard, good to have new people interested in my little humble story. Just don't turn all Aralondwen on me and stick 5 reviews on one chapter and kill me if I don't continue. More than one review a chapter from the same person and I delete it.

I got school on Sunday, should be interesting. But I finished writing my book, so I should have more time for my computer stories, only my smart dad put a new whatever in and I have no files! All my stories, original stories, not on ff.net are lost forever! AAAAAH!

Enough venting, I like this story, and the character [gotta admit he makes a better and cuter hero in the hobbit rather than Bilbo, right? The nagging and complaints get to you after a while!] Aragorn is the coolest, most courageous and with the most issues! And a younger more happier version of him? What a challenge! Well, I'm going to keep writing this story, and hopefully it's like wine: Gets better with the chapters [instead of years? Never mind!]

Ivy


	7. light does the darkness most fear

".I won't be made useless I won't be idle with despair I will gather myself around my faith For light does the darkness most fear  
  
My hands are small, I know  
  
But they're not yours, they are my own  
  
But they're not yours, they are my own And I am never broken."  
  
"Hands" by Jewel  
  
*****  
  
Estel tossed and turned in his sleep, moaning quietly under his breath. Words kept rushing past his ears, delicately stroking him but simultaneously stinging. The Elf children in Rivendell pointing at him and calling him 'Ai edan', the Lord of the Eagles calling him 'man-child' and many more. He ignored them, though they always stung him and opened up room for doubt. He had to keep on reminding himself that they were simply jealous that his father was Lord Elrond and that they had no idea what they were talking about.  
  
But deep down inside he knew.  
  
He supposed he always knew he was different, from the time he first thought and talked, that he wasn't like the other children, try as he may to be them. They were swifter, had sharper ears and sight and always seemed happy and refreshed, which he seldom felt. But he would deny it, saying he resembled his mother more than his father and until now he succeeded even in convincing himself that he truly was an elf.  
  
Until now.  
  
Estel rolled on his stomach once more, sweat slowly trickling down his forehead. The voices became louder by the moment and soon the different names that were spoken entwined into one sentence:  
  
Who is your father man-child?  
  
Estel tried to answer back, to scream Elrond's name, but his voice disappeared. Tears started to fall down his cheeks as he tried to call to his father, to ask for his assurance. But no one else was there, simply him and the voices, refusing to leave him in peace until he answered them. Estel covered his ears, but he had no hands and was all ears. He finally opened his mouth and the answer was yanked from the bottom of his soul:  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!!!"  
  
Estel took a deep breath and shut his eyes. "I don't know," he said miserably and slumped to the cold ground. The voices seemed to embrace him in their pity before they swirled into an image. It was a weary man, though he looked young in years. He had the same grey eyes as Estel and the same dark mane blowing behind his head. He smiled gently at Estel before turning his back on him.  
  
"Wait!" Estel cried, rising from the floor. He tried to grab the man's long coat, but instead he grasped air. The man's image shuddered slightly before it became clear again. He turned around again to Estel with a questioning look.  
  
"Who are you?" Estel asked, though he already knew the answer. The man took a retreating step backwards. Estel felt his last bit of hope slipping away with the stranger.  
  
"Who am I?" He cried desperately. "Please- tell me who I am!"  
  
The man seemed to debate with himself whether he should break his silence, when at last he said:  
  
"When you are ready, you will know who I am and who you are." The voice tickled his ears like a light wind and Estel tried to force every detail of the man into memory.  
  
"Don't go!" Estel pleaded. "I need answers, please- I need you." He looked at the man searchingly, aching to have a few more moments with the stranger that should have been closer. He watched as the stranger turned his back on him and shrieked in pain as an Orc-arrow pierced his eye. Estel cried out in terror and anguish before darkness swirled around him and engulfed him.  
  
*  
  
"No!" Estel cried as he woke up shivering. His eyes quickly searched his surroundings, but the stranger was no where to be found. Already as he grew more and more awake and alert, the image from the dream began to fade. Estel looked around and saw that Gandalf was still sleeping, but was not by his side any more. It seemed that in his sleep Estel rolled further down to where Gloin and Oin slept. Gloin yawned and looked at Estel with tired eyes.  
  
"What is all the yelling about, Master Elf?" He asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes. Estel swallowed angrily at the name 'Master Elf', but quickly replied: "Nothing."  
  
"Well this nothing of yours managed to wake me up," Gloin complained tiredly. He sat up and scrutinized the youth carefully. "And it seems to have upset you quite a bit." Estel turned his face away from the questioning eyes. He let the wind whip his hair about his face. Hair that he did not get from Lord Elrond.  
  
"What can you tell me of men?" He asked suddenly, eyes still averted. He watched movements in the dark and estimated that it was around midnight.  
  
"Men?" Gloin asked, taken aback by the question. He scratched his beard. "Well, I myself keep to underground caves and try to avoid meeting them. They're towering, quick to anger and fierce. And they love greed; I'll tell you that. They have no respect for beauty and think only of themselves."  
  
"But if you've never met any, how do you know?" Estel asked, slightly offended and finally fixed his frowning face upon the Dwarf.  
  
"How do we know of anything we haven't experienced?" Gloin retorted. "From stories and legends. It is well known among my race that Big People cannot be trusted. They'd stab you in the back the first profiting chance they'd get."  
  
"I'm sure not all men are like that," Estel said, growing indignant.  
  
"The same can be said for a general comment about a species. Some might, for example, say that Dwarves are crude and cannot love anything but their mines. That is in itself not true at all, but it is enough for some to behave a certain way for us to judge their entire race by it."  
  
"But then how will I know what men are like?" Estel asked desperately.  
  
"By walking among them, how else?" Gloin stated. "My you have some weird questions tonight! Is something bothering you?"  
  
Estel shrugged his shoulders and looked out at the dark sky, willing the sun to come out. He was trying to remember all he knew about men from his mother's stories. But those times were rare and when she did tell him something he didn't have the patience to listen. Now, sitting on this cold rock in the middle of the night he wished he had. He frowned as an illusive memory toyed with him for a while, not quite revealing itself. He strained his memory more and eventually he remembered his father- no his foster father- Elrond at a banquet. He was starting to recall a great adventure of his at the last alliance of Elves and Men- but stopped when he realized Estel was in the room. He looked at Elrond with beckoning eyes, hungry for his stories, but was rewarded with a hasty: "It is past your bedtime I believe, Estel."  
  
Why did that memory resurface now, he did not know. But he wanted to know more about men and about who his father was, though something told him to be wary of the day he would discover his father's identity. Estel's young mind tried to form the image of him from his dream, but already he was nothing more than a shadow of an image. So instead, Estel decided to revert his efforts to learning as much as he could about HIS people, to prepare him for the inevitable time when he would have to become one and live as one.  
  
"Why did you go on this quest?" Estel asked quietly, perhaps asking Gloin, but perhaps asking someone else entirely.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Gloin asked, wondering where these questions were coming from. In the morning he would have to tell Gandalf about the child's strange behavior.  
  
Estel suddenly turned to face Gloin with a dark accusing look in his eyes. "You have a son, how could you go on an adventure, knowing you could very well make him an orphan?" Unshed tears threatened to break through, but he held them strongly back.  
  
"There are things in life worth risking our lives for," Gloin said slowly.  
  
"Is it worth hurting him? What if your son were younger, a baby- would you want him to grow up never knowing who his father is?" Estel's voice started to rise and Gloin had to shush him gently.  
  
"Of course I wouldn't want that, I don't think anyone does," Gloin said confused. "And for the sake of my family I will make my best effort to return home to them, but these things are out of our hands. I believe this quest is worth the risk I'm taking. We aren't going to fight a dragon for the 'fun of it' as you have joined for. No, we are doing this to reclaim our heritage, our legacy. How may I return home to my son and look him in the eye and tell him that I did not try and take back what's mine- that I cowered in the face of danger? This gold is ours by right and greed isn't our motivator, it's preserving our past for the future."  
  
"I still think that's rubbish," Estel said stubbornly. "A father should not be taken away from his son."  
  
"Are we still talking about my family, Master Estel?" Gloin asked keenly, a wry smile touching his lips. Estel opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find anything to say, so he quickly shut it.  
  
"You should get some sleep, it has been an eventful day and I dare say it will be so tomorrow as well," Gloin stated, lying back down. "Do not worry yourself about heritage and duty, you will have plenty to worry about when you are older. Youth should not be wasted with such serious matters, it should be spent playing, enjoying life and chasing young girls," Gloin winked at him.  
  
"Ewww," Estel said disgusted. "Why would anyone want to chase girls? The girls I know are so boring, very few of them ever go hunting in the woods and they talk and giggle all the time," he mimicked them by posing his hand in a feminine manner and chuckling shyly.  
  
Gloin couldn't help but laugh out loud, though he tried not to wake the others up. "Oh, you just wait, young child. As you grow older you'll cherish those gestures and worship the ground they walk on. People have done the strangest stuff in the name of love."  
  
"Well I wouldn't mind if I never fell in love," Estel crossed his arms. 'And besides,' he thought to himself. 'Why would any Elf like a dirty little human boy like me? What about men's girls? I don't even know what they're like! If they're anything like Elf girls I'll pass!'  
  
"Goodnight!" He said quickly and retreated to his sleeping area, next to Gandalf. In his haste to get back he bumped into the wizard, accidentally waking him up.  
  
"Humph! Estel, do be careful where you put your clumsy feet, It is not dawn and I would have preferred not to have been awoken before dawn."  
  
"Sorry Uncle Gandalf," Estel said quietly, easing into his cover gently. Gandalf examined him with his keen eyes.  
  
"What were you talking to Gloin about just now?" He asked, turning completely to face the youth.  
  
"I thought you said I woke you up, how then did you hear our conversation?" Estel asked, smiling at his own smartness.  
  
"Do not be cheeky with your elders, Estel," Gandalf said with good humor. "I still have my staff at ready, or have you forgotten what a blow to the head feels like?" Estel quickly ducked away from the wizard's outstretched arm and laughed, rubbing his head.  
  
"Oh, I don't think I will ever forget what it feels like to upset a wizard."  
  
"You will see upset if you continue to keep me up!" Gandalf said, turning over. "Good night, Estel. We have a long day ahead of us and the more sleep these tired bones get the better!"  
  
Estel was quiet for a while, watching the changes in the sky when he whispered: "Gandalf?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Was the slurred response.  
  
"I'm not going to see the dragon, am I?" He asked sadly. Gandalf sighed.  
  
"No, you will not."  
  
"You're taking me to father soon, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes, so get you some sleep before he accuses me of neglecting you!" Gandalf said. Estel turned to look at the wizard's back rising up and down with even breaths. For no apparent reason, though children rarely need one, Estel grabbed the wizard's shoulders in a tight embrace, and for the longest moment refused to let go- afraid he would disappear like his dream image.  
  
"Estel?" Gandalf asked concerned, noticing the strong emotions coursing through the youth.  
  
"Promise you won't leave," Estel said through tightly shut eyes. "Promise father will not leave, promise me my mother will not leave me." The distress evident in his voice. Gandalf pried him off and looked into his comprehending eyes.  
  
"None alive can make such a promise, Estel- you know that," Gandalf said, searching his eyes for the reason for this behavior. "I should like to speak with you, when we turn down a separate path from this group." Estel nodded meekly. "A great deal has happened to you over the past few days and dare I say a great deal shall happen over the next few days." A look of sadness crept into his ancient eyes. "I would have preferred if you would have been spared these trials, but alas, it seems you have matured too quickly for my liking."  
  
Estel didn't know how to respond, so instead he bowed his head in silent defeat. Gandalf raised his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.  
  
"Indeed," continued the wizard. "It is hard for me to see the young boy I knew, but he is still there. No matter what happens, or what you may learn, remember that boy, Estel, the boy that is here-" he touched the tip of Estel's nose, causing Estel to smile. "And here," he touched right between his eyebrows. "But most importantly, here." He placed his warm hand over the boy's heart.  
  
"Thank you Gandalf," Estel smiled, somewhat relieved. He bit his bottom lip, as though about to ask something, but Gandalf raised a hand: "Stop! Do not ask me that question, not here and not now. When we are well slept and alone together on the road will be a better time to confront that, though I would have preferred if it were Lord Elrond here with you and not I."  
  
Estel nodded his head and sprawled down to sleep. He heard the wizard's even breaths and the numerous Dwarves' snoring. He smiled to himself, remembering to comment about that to them tomorrow, especially to Thorin. He heard the Hobbit's twisting and turning at night, muttering something about teakettles and the soft swooshing of wings.  
  
Several hours later the sky began to brighten in color. At first it was in lighter hues of blue, then it slowly changed to a dark purple, teasing the eye. Estel got up from his seat and gasped as he watched the sky changing again to a lighter purple and then the horizon basked in different shades of red and orange, as if the sky was bleeding from a wound. He saw several sunrises in Rivendell, but none were as magnificent as on this rock, high up into the sky where he could see miles on end. He crawled to the edge of the rock to get a clearer view and smiled as he saw how the edge of the sun was gently stroking all the helpless beings of the earth with her warm caress. He felt the air swirling in excitement and anticipation, waiting for the warm embrace of day. He watched as her majesty sun took her time coming up, toying playfully with him. The sky brightened, and the animals and beings began to live again. His camp slowly began to rise, but he felt like gloating that they slept through the most amazing experience ever. He felt the warm fingers of the sun reaching out to him and stroking his face fondly, like an old friend. He smiled back and her before being shaken by Gandalf, telling him dawn has come and they must go at once. Estel regretfully tore his gaze away from the sun and went to start another day with a cheerful heart.  
  
  
  
-END PART 7-  
  
Sorry it took me so long! I really love this story and all my other stories, but like always; writer's block plays a crucial part. Plus this is the hardest story, though this chapter was shorter and easier to write because it had no Hobbit in it, but generally these chapters take some time. Plus my Grandparents came and took over my brother's room with the computer and he moved in with me (not only does he snore, but I have no floor space now!) so it's been difficult to write, what with finding time between school work and such! Plus the jerk upgraded the computer, so I couldn't get online and now I don't have MSN, ICQ, Odigo and such! And I'm royally pissed!  
  
I don't remember who said it, but someone stated that they couldn't wait until I write when they get to Mirkwood and meet Legolas. Well, there's a problem there since Gandalf doesn't GET to Mirkwood, but in one of my flashbacks I decided to add Legolas, so you have something to look forward to! Oh and I promise, I'm cutting back on dreams and flashbacks! LOL, sorry, I don't really write with my brain but with my fingers, so blame them! LOL.  
  
Hopefully this chapter is just as good as all the rest, and in order to know that I need feedback, because I'm not sure about this chapter, please let me know what you think, it means a lot to me! Even constructive criticism is appreciated!  
  
For those that are wondering about the song, after this chapter I felt like Estel needs a little picker-upper so I chose this song to cheer him up! Don't despair! Gather around your faith! Your hands might be small, but they're yours and you can do great things with them! Remember always that no matter how dark it is, the sun always comes up for a whole new day!  
  
Ivy 


	8. I don't Want To Miss a Thing

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
  
While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever Well, every moment spent with you Is a moment I treasure I don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, baby And I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you, baby And I don't wanna miss a thing."  
  
-Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing  
  
*  
  
CHAPTER 8  
  
The only thing to eat that morning was cold mutton and rabbit, but Estel did not complain. He was determined to at the very least appear cheerful, though questions kept bubbling inside his head, not allowing rest. The only thing that seemed to sustain those thoughts from bursting from his head was the knowledge that soon Gandalf would answer some of them, when they were apart from the group. For the first time since the beginning of the adventure Estel actually looked forward to parting with the Dwarves. Estel noticed the Hobbit was waking up and smiled amiably at him. Bilbo seemed disoriented and agitated as he sat down to eat his breakfast. Estel silently wondered if the fact that Bilbo is eating rabbit means that he eats his own kind? Perhaps that is why he seems so agitated?  
  
Estel did not have time to ponder the matter further, for the Dwarves were boarding the eagles and Gandalf was waiting impatiently for him. Estel sat in front of Gandalf on the back of the lord of the eagles and clutched several feathers to stay balanced. The moment they took off he forgot about his questions, his worries and everything else. All that passed through his mind was the freeing feeling of flying in the skies. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and that he himself was weightless. He felt Gandalf's strong arms around him, but it was at the back of his mind, along with anything other than the wind in his face. A slow smile spread across his face as he let go of the eagle's feathers and spread his arms as if they were wings. He thought he felt Gandalf tighten his grip around him and perhaps even admonish him, but he did not care. He found the most relaxing and fun experience ever and he wished he had born with wings. Perhaps in his next lifetime.  
  
Too soon for Estel the ride was over and the eagles were dropping them one by one on the top of a great rock. Estel gingerly stood, almost forgetting what it felt like to have legs. He grinned up at Gandalf's stern face and was rewarded by a tug on the wizard's lips. Estel knew he was trying hard not to smile and to keep the stern look. He looked longingly at the lord of the eagles, wondering if his father would allow him to keep a pet eagle. His father... The words suddenly crashing through his dreamy state. How easily did he forget that the Elf was not his father. Suddenly all the questions began to resurface in his mind and a frown crossed his young features. He needed answers.  
  
"Farewell!" The eagles cried, "Wherever you fare, till your eyries receive you at the journey's end!" Estel looked around to see if the others were as confused with the parting words as he was.  
  
"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks," Gandalf answered and Estel decided that it must be a bird thing. But how did Gandalf know all of these sayings and languages? His face suddenly lit up. ' I'll bet Uncle Gandalf goes on many adventures,' he thought. 'Maybe the next time he comes to visit I shall beg for him to let me join one, I have proven my worth, haven't I?' The thought of what started this adventure caused the boy to cringe, thinking of the pain his mother must be going through. He doubted very much that Elrond was in any pain- he barely showed any emotions save discontent and besides, Elrond had two more sons to worry about. He was the only family his mother had.  
  
There was a flat space on the top of the hill of stone and a well worn path with many steps leading down it to the river, across which a ford of huge flat stones led to the grass-land beyond the stream. There was a little cave at the foot of the steps and near the end of the stony ford. Here the party gathered and discussed what was to be done.  
  
"I always meant to see you all safe (if possible) over the mountains," said the wizard, "and now by good management and good luck I have done it. Indeed we are now a good deal further east than I ever meant to come with you, for after all this is not my adventure. I may look in on it again before it is all over, but in the meanwhile I have some other pressing business to attend to." He glanced at Estel as he said the last part. The dwarves groaned and looked most distressed, and Bilbo wept.  
  
Estel glanced up at Gandalf curiously. The Wizard's presence obviously comforted the party on their journey, perhaps they even thought he would travel with them all the way and always help them out of difficulties. He silently wondered what it was about Gandalf that caused them to trust him with their well-being. Was it his magic? Estel frowned as another thought came to mind. Was it his height? His height made everyone look up to him physically...  
  
"I am not going to disappear this very instant," Gandalf said, waking Estel out of his reverie. "I can give you a day or two more." Estel's mind disregarded the rest of Gandalf's long speech as he learned to do a while back. They were often more confusing than helpful and pointless as far as he was concerned. A day or two more... In a day or two Estel and Gandalf will be alone and they would have their talk. "When we are well slept and alone together on the road will be a better time to confront that, though I would have preferred if it were Lord Elrond here with you and not I". Gandalf preferred Estel had this talk with his father, he said so early in the morning. Did Estel prefer to have this talk with his father or with Gandalf?  
  
If he asked a difficult question, Gandalf could very well say that it is a question best answered by Lord Elrond. On the other hand, his father could simply state that Estel is not old enough to understand the answer and so he cannot answer him yet. If Gandalf does answer his question he had no doubt the answer would be so confusing and riddled that he would not understand it. However, when his father chooses to answer his questions he does so succinctly and clearly so Estel could understand. Estel shook his head and decided to grab whatever answer came his way- he had so many questions!  
  
He sighed inwardly as he thought of what awaited him when he returned home. If staying out past curfew meant being grounded, he wondered if running away from home meant his father would finally result to physical violence. Estel squared his shoulders and made up his mind that whatever punishment his father deemed appropriate he would take it like a man or elf, he didn't really know, but he assumed they took it with dignity. If all else fails, he would be reverted to a little sobbing child and count on his mother's compassion. She always forgot she was angry with him when she saw those big grey eyes filled with tears. She was so easy to play to his advantage.  
  
"In fact it would be very dangerous." Gandalf continued, causing Estel to wonder what was very dangerous. "We must go and find him; and if all goes well at our meeting, I think I shall be off and wish you like the eagles 'farewell wherever you fare!' " Estel cursed himself for not listening, he had no idea who they were going to meet! He vowed to himself to remain attentive throughout conversations just as he spaced out of another one, albeit not an important one.  
  
*  
  
Gilraen woke up early in the morning. She scanned her environment and realized she fell asleep in her son's room once again. She got up to stretch her aching limbs and immediately slumped back on the bed. She did not eat more than a toast of bread with a touch of jam for almost three days. Enjoying everyday activities such as eating seemed wrong when she did not know how her son was faring. She recalled the last time she spoke with Lord Elrond in his study. How long has it been since then? She shook her head, the days mixed with the nights until she could not keep count anymore. She got up grudgingly from the bed that smelt like him and went to wash her face in order to appear somewhat presentable. She was a guest at Rivendell and she did not mean to disgrace it by appearing anything less than a Lady.  
  
She looked at the reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red with crying, her face ghostly pale and her skin was clinging too tightly to her body. She tried not to smirk as it occurred to her that after eight seasons she still thought of herself as a houseguest, not a house member. Est- no! She reminded herself sternly. Aragorn was a member of the house, being the foster son of Lord Elrond. She cursed herself for the slip of tongue. It was hard to remember that before Lord Elrond bestowed upon him the name 'Estel', he lived for his first two years as 'Aragorn'. She stared at her reflections accusingly. Did she already forget her husband and her life before Rivendell?  
  
It could have been her lack of nourishments or her mind playing tricks on her, because the face that stared back accusingly from the mirror was no longer her own, but that of Arathorn. She quickly walked away and returned to her son's small bed. Does Arathorn accuse me of forgetting? She felt remorse at once for every time she called him 'Estel' instead of his real name. Was she allowing herself to forget the love of her life? Was she allowing her son? True, he probably did not remember his father, seeing as how he was merely two when he was killed. She remembered trying to comfort Lord Elrond that Aragorn will always be his son, and regretted it. It felt like she was betraying her husband. Every day she stood by and watched Aragorn grow to be more and more like Elrond. The boy admired him and her foresight told her the greatest betrayal her son would feel would come from Elrond. She did try and counter raise him on stories of men, but the boy did not want to listen to them. He was determined to be the best elf he could, to make Elrond proud of him.  
  
She grabbed her stomach, as she felt nauseous. She remembered the day Aragorn went hunting with Elladan and Elrohir. She felt such dread and panic when she knew where he was, what he was doing. She knew it was irrational, but the only thought that passed through her mind was: Not Again... She feared losing Aragorn- her life, just like she lost the love of her life. She knew she could not stop Aragorn from going hunting, or on adventures, just like she could not stop her husband. She only wished she could delay the inevitable. She knew there would come a time when Aragorn would know his true name and would be thrust down the path to his destiny. He would leave Rivendell, leave her and go traveling, learning and growing as a man. Where would she be? Would Elrond throw her out the moment his foster son left the nest? Or would she stay here, stagnating, living on his short and infrequent visits?  
  
She heard a knock on the door, but refused to move. A timid elf- maiden entered with a tray of food and said something about Lord Elrond requesting that she eats. She nodded her head and waited until she left. She slowly sat up, feeling week and dizzy. It would do no good if she were sick; the last thing she wanted was Aragorn to return to find her in this state. She shakily nibbled on her food, forcing her senses to acknowledge it. She felt a rush of sugar from the food and tried to clear her head of her previous thoughts. It was not Lord Elrond's fault, nor his sons' that her husband was dead. It was hard for her not to blame Arathorn himself for abandoning her, so she opted to not dwell on that particular thought. Elrond has his reasons for not disclosing to Aragorn who he really is, who his real father is. It is for Aragorn's own protection from the evil that wishes to harm any heirs of Isildur left- she knew that much from listening in on Lord Elrond's conversations.  
  
Gilraen finished her breakfast, feeling full and slightly better and lay back on his bed. She remembered a custom of hers that began the moment her husband died: Sneaking into her son's room, sitting on a chair besides his bed and listening to his even breaths, watching him sleeping. It was a comfort to her to know that he was truly there, that some force did not sweep him away while she was not alert. A few nights before he left, as if prophetically she sneaked into his room and watched him sleep peacefully. He was so young, so innocent- how could the world demand so much from such a small creature? Elrond would speak of the great things he would yet do, but all she saw was a child craving for love and adventure. She felt her eyes slowly grow heavier and knew sleep was soon to come. Every time she would feel restless she would go to his room and watch him, knowing she could rest assured he was all right. As she fell asleep she knew her dreams wouldn't be happy and serene, but plagued with dread and fear and imaged of terrible things happening to her little boy.  
  
*  
  
At some point the dwarves stopped pleading and took off their clothes in order to bathe in the river, which was shallow and clear and stony at the ford. After some hesitation Bilbo joined in, leaving Estel and Gandalf the only ones not in yet. Estel walked to the river's edge fully clothed still and leaned over to examine his reflection. He was surprised to see he looked exactly like he did before he left Rivendell. He expected to see a gruff looking man with greasy hair, slumped shoulders and old eyes. Instead, he saw a young and dirty face with greasy hair, slightly slumped shoulders and aging eyes.  
  
"There is a tale I have heard about a man who fell in love with his reflection in the river so much, that he could not eat nor sleep," Gandalf said amused behind him. Estel's eyes watched Gandalf through his reflection in the river, but did not answer. "Somehow I doubt you are loving what you see."  
  
"I feel so different," Estel finally answered, thought his eyes were still on the water. "I am trying to find that change in my reflection." He turned for a moment to peer meaningfully into the Wizard's eyes before returning to his water image. "I find it only in my eyes."  
  
"The eyes are the windows to our souls," Gandalf mused, standing at his side now, peering into the water as well. "Some more than others." Estel was trying to answer that when he noticed a twinkle in the water Wizard's eyes. Before he could understand what was happening he felt the ground slipping from beneath his feel as he fell headfirst into the shallow river. He stood up, the water reaching his waist and stared in shock at the Wizard.  
  
"You pushed me into the river!" He said dumbfounded.  
  
"Yes, I did," Gandalf said, his long beard hiding the evil smile Estel knew was there.  
  
"Why?" Estel asked confused, running a hand through his wet hair.  
  
"For starters, you needed a bath," Gandalf said humorously. "But more importantly, you need to enjoy yourself, to feel young and juvenile." He leaned on his staff with all of his weight.  
  
"Oh really?" Estel asked malevolently as he tugged as hard as he could on the staff, causing Gandalf to fall front-first into the river. Estel swam a bit where he stood, laughing heartedly at Gandalf. The Wizard stood up indignantly, his face, beard and his entire front completely wet. The Wizard stared daggers at the boy, who simply shrugged.  
  
"You told me to be young and juvenile," Estel smiled pleasantly and was rewarded with a blow to the head. "OWWWW!" He moaned. "Why are you allowed to throw me into the river, but I am not allowed to do the same?"  
  
"Because I am an adult," Gandalf huffed and tried to get him again with his staff, but Estel was already swimming rapidly towards the dwarves, who were lazily swimming about. He noticed Thorin and an evil thought came to mind. He dived under the surface and crept up on the Dwarf. Once he was directly behind him, he jumped out of the water and drowned him. All the dwarves stared in shock as Estel moved away and Thorin jumped back up. Gandalf quickly treaded water to where they were and stood protectively behind Estel. Estel gulped, thinking that it was another one of those ideas that seem good at the time, but prove to be stupid. He was in trouble now.  
  
Thorin thumped water out of his ear and stood face to face with Estel, hands on hips. Everyone held their breaths, even Bilbo who by now noticed the tension. Estel winced as he thought of what Thorin might do to him, but was completely caught off guard by what happened next.  
  
Thorin laughed.  
  
Everyone gaped at the respected and serious dwarf, as he rolled over in laughter. Estel stared at him worried; afraid he was ill or perhaps lost his wits. Thorin manage to hold himself together and smiled a small smile at Estel. Estel didn't know how to reply, but was suddenly splashed by Thorin. The dwarves decided to take their cue and soon all were caught up in a short splashing game. Estel was completely drenched by the time they all got out of the river, as was Gandalf who participated against his will. Estel and Gandalf both took off their clothes to allow them to dry in the sun. Thorin walked over to Estel after putting his clothes back on.  
  
"Sometimes serious quests such as this one tend to be heavy spirited," Thorin explained while shaking his head dry. "It is good and refreshing to laugh every now and again." He gently squeezed the boy's shoulder in gratitude and went to dry off in the sun. Estel was still sore and a bit hungry, as were they all, but he felt suddenly refreshed and happy. After they all dried in the sun, they began to march through the long green grass and down the lines of the wide-armed oaks and the tall elms. Estel walked in the front next to Gandalf and Bilbo, beginning to feel the discomfort of walking around in the now dry and scratchy material.  
  
"And why is it called the Carrock?" Bilbo asked Gandalf as if continuing a conversation rather than starting one. Estel did not want to ask what is a Carrock; afraid of admitting he did not listen to Gandalf's explanation. It sounded suspiciously like carrot, perhaps it was food?  
  
"He called it the Carrock, because carrock is his word for it. He calls things like that carrocks, and this one is the Carrock because it is the only one near his home and he knows it well."  
  
"Who calls it? Who knows it?" Bilbo asked the question before it could leave Estel's lips. Estel's ears perked up to hear the answer.  
  
"The somebody I spoke of- a very great person. You must all be very polite when I introduce you. I shall introduce you slowly, two by two, I think; and you must be careful not to annoy him, or heaven knows what will happen. He can be appalling when he is angry, though he is kind enough if humoured. Still I warn you he gets angry easily." As they heard this the dwarves all gathered around and asked if he is the person that Gandalf is taking them to now, if he could not find someone more easy-tempered and shouldn't Gandalf explain it all a bit clearer?  
  
"Yes it certainly is! No I could not! And I was explaining very carefully," Gandalf answered crossly. "If you must know more, his name is Beorn. He is very strong, and he is a skin-changer." As Gandalf went on explaining it further, Estel tried to imagine this Beorn person who can become a huge black bear. He thought if he were born a skin-changer he would want to turn into a huge eagle. That way he was also dangerous in combat and could run to the sky if necessary. And when he did not hunt for orcs, he could fly for pleasure. He wondered if skin-changer could choose what they want to change into.  
  
They continued walking up slope and down dale, sometimes resting under the trees. The sun was lashing at Estel like a whip and he did not notice anything save for the dryness in his mouth, and Gandalf's walking figure in front of him. He was walking without thinking, like in his sleep- though how long he did not know. Eventually Gandalf stopped at a belt of tall and very ancient oaks, and beyond these to a high thorn-hedge through which you could neither see nor scramble. Estel noticed the position of the sun and realized it was already afternoon.  
  
"You had better wait here," said the Wizard to them; " and when I call or whistle begin to come after me- you will see the way I go- but only in pairs, mind, about five minutes between each pair of you. Come on Mr. Baggins! There is a gate somewhere round this way." And with that he went off along the hedge taking the frightened hobbit with him. Estel felt slightly peeved that Gandalf preferred to take the Hobbit, rather than him and saw that everyone except for the fat Bombur had a pair. Great, Estel thought, as he stood last, next to a non-pleased fat dwarf. He got impatient so he went to the front of the line, where Dori and Thorin stood waiting.  
  
"I wonder if he's bigger than a house," Estel asked, trying to make conversation. Thorin looked at him puzzled. "Beorn, I mean. I wonder if he- "  
  
"I wonder if he eats little children who ask silly questions," Thorin said pointedly, glaring down at Estel. Estel quickly went back to the back of the line to hide his hurt. He truly thought that Thorin liked him after the river incident. If so, why was he harsh with him? By now Gandalf whistled, causing Thorin and Dori to hurry in through the creaking gate and Estel was left alone with his thoughts for a while. Time passed and in went Nori and Ori, Balin and Dwalin and Fili and Kili. Estel stomped his foot impatiently, wondering why Gandalf was pulling the matter more than needed. Gloin glanced at Estel sympathetically.  
  
"He did not mean those words," Gloin said quietly. "Do not fret over Thorin- he is always impatient and quick to snap." A small grin graced the dwarf's face. "Though I have never in my life seen him laugh and for that I bow to you," he gave a short bow. Estel smiled but before he could thank the dwarf Gandalf's shrill whistle sounded again, and in went Oin and Gloin. Estel waited a bit more patiently and when the next whistle sounded Bifur and Bofur rushed in.  
  
"Leave me for last, does he?" Bombur said angrily, as he rushed in after the two. Estel tried to stop him since it has definitely not been five minutes, but he was gone and Estel had no choice but to run after him down a wide track towards the house. He arrived just as Bombur said: "And me!" and glanced apologetically at Gandalf before smiling politely at Beorn and introducing himself.  
  
"Well, now there are sixteen of you; and since goblins can count, I suppose that is all that there were up the trees. Now perhaps we can finish this story without any more interruptions." Estel smiled inwardly as he understood that the interruptions had really made Beorn more interested in the story, and the story had kept him from sending them off at once like suspicious beggars.  
  
By the time the wizard had finished his tale and had told of the eagles' rescue and of how they had all been brought to the Carrock, the sun had fallen behind the peaks of the Misty Mountains and the shadows were long in Beorn's garden. Estel thought back to the adventures they had and shook his head in amusement, it was a good tale. Apparently, Beorn agreed with him.  
  
"A very good tale!" Said he. "The best I have heard for a long while. If all beggars could tell such a good one, they might find me kinder. You may be making it all up, of course, but you deserve a supper for the story all the same. Let's have something to eat!"  
  
"Yes, please!" They all said together. "Thank you very much!"  
  
*  
  
END CHAPTER 8  
  
Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I wrote the last chapter, so many things happened! But now I'll make sure I'll stick by this, maybe try for a chapter a month at the very least. I had inspiration for this at 4 am, and Thorin's comeback line was different, but can you blame me for not remembering something from 4 am? I knew I had to bring Gilraen into the story a bit more (and there will be Elrond later on, so I gave her a solo) I mean what do we know of the mother of the greatest man ever? And how did she feel about losing her husband, moving into Rivendell, have a stranger raise her son as his own and as an elf nonetheless!  
  
Anyways I know where this is heading; I have an idea for Estel and Legolas' first meeting- but suggestions are always welcomed. I figure they'll be about 4-5 more chapters, a total of 12 or 13. I hope people are still reading this and not giving up hope because it took me so long to update, it took me three days to write this chapter, my Word programs suck so there may be lines at the sides now.  
  
Q: How many Hobbit/Lord of the Rings buffs out there know how Gandalf got to the White council, and how many days it took him to get there? Even like a general route would be appreciated!  
  
By the way- what's up with fanfiction.net calling me Ivy3? Maybe I should make up a new name altogether because that's lame.  
  
Reviews will make sure it won't take me 8 months to post another chapter.* hint hint* ;)  
  
Ivy(3) 


	9. hung up on dreams i'll never see

This chapter is dedicated to Grumpy- if you hadn't reviewed my last chapter, this one might not have been written for a LONG TIME!  
  
*  
  
"Just one more mornin' I had to wake up with the blues Pulled myself outta bed, yeah Put on my walkin' shoes, Went up on the mountain, To see what i could see, The whole world was fallin', Right down in front of me.  
  
[chorus] 'cause i'm hung up on dreams i'll never see, yeah baby..." Dreams, The Allman Brothers Band  
  
*  
  
Before long Beorn clapped his hands, and in trotted four beautiful white ponies and several large long-bodied grey dogs. Estel watched dazed as the animals went in and out, carrying torches and boards in their mouths or with their forefeet. Some snow-white sheep came in and started setting the hall for dinner. As they all sat at the table, Estel thought long and hard about a grave matter:  
  
Should he request an eagle for a pet, or one of these servant-pets?  
  
Although he would have preferred both, he knew there was not a chance in Middle Earth his father would agree to it, so he had to focus his efforts into one of them. Did Beorn train these animals personally, or could any animal behave in such a manner? Estel hadn't the faintest clue, since he never had the good fortunes of having a pet. But that was going to change, if he had anything to say in the matter. Maybe he could convince Elrohir and Elladan that what they need now is a pet, and the three of them could work on Elrond...  
  
As Estel ate the splendid supper, he couldn't ignore the knot in his stomach. Feasts such as these he only had at home, and only in instances where there was a mighty gathering. Of course this was the first time he was allowed at the grownup table, normally back home he was shied into the kitchen, or to his room to eat with his mother. A sudden doubt crept through his defenses: Was Elrond ashamed of him? He was not his true son; perhaps he did not want those important people to know that he brought a mortal into his home, a lowlife. A wetness threatened his eyes and he quickly wiped it away before anyone could notice.  
  
"Is everything all right?" Bilbo, who sat next to him whispered, concerned- was that a tear he tried to wipe away?  
  
"Yes," Estel said quickly, forcing a grin. "It- it was merely something in my eye." He had to be more careful. A good elf was in control of his emotions, like Elrond. But he was not an elf, now was he? Estel glanced at Beorn, who was telling tales in his deep rolling voice of the wild lands on this side of the mountain and the terrible forest of Mirkwood. Estel frowned.  
  
"But Ada told me elves live in those forests," he said confused, to no one in particular. "Why is it so perilous?"  
  
"Elves, you say?" Bilbo asked excited. "I do hope so! I miss Rivendell- they certainly know how to feed a Hobbit! And the elves there- magical!"  
  
"Not all elves are magical," Estel muttered under his breath, trying not to pout. Only small children pout, and he was not one, not after all that has happened.  
  
"Their songs," Bilbo continued, not hearing a word he said, a faraway look in his eyes. "They have the clearest voices I have ever heard- like bells being swayed by a breeze..." He suddenly remembered that Estel was sitting right next to him. "Oh I'm awfully sorry, truly I am," he said embarrassed. "Here I am, going on and on about the wonders of your home- you must be dreadfully homesick!" Estel opened his mouth to reply, but quickly closed it. He had no answer to that other than- "Yes."  
  
"Must have been wonderful, though," Bilbo continued, as the voices of the dwarves speaking of gold and silver and jewels. "Growing up in such a fine place, that is."  
  
"It is the only home I have," Estel sighed quietly. 'Maybe now that I know Ada isn't my real father, he will send me and mother away? Where would we go? Surely she comes from somewhere else, would we live among men? What would it be like?' There were so many questions that only kept adding up. Estel wanted nothing more than to steal Gandalf aside, lock him in a room with him and make him answer his questions. Gandalf was wise and old and a wizard- he knew almost everything! He could answer his questions with ease, he knew he could!  
  
Estel stabbed at his food and dared a glance at Gandalf, who was sitting closer to Beorn than he was. Estel concentrated hard and willed Gandalf to look his way. Wizards could perform all sorts of wonders, why not read thoughts? It seemed, however, that even if Gandalf felt Estel's burning glaze he chose not to respond to it. Estel sighed and looked around the table for some distraction from his troubling thoughts. Bilbo was nodding off besides him as the night came on outside. He missed another sunset. He searched and found Gloin, looking rather content with himself a few dwarves away in front of him. He caught his eye and leaned forward.  
  
"We are to travel into Mirkwood?" He asked Gloin casually, trying to make conversation.  
  
Gloin shuddered. "Yes, I'm afraid so."  
  
"Don't wood-elves live in Mirkwood?" Estel asked confused. Surely they did not fear elves, not after being houseguests at Imladris! He tried to remember what his father told him once during a lesson. "Father says that they dwell most often by the edges of the wood and aren't too keen on strangers. They love the stars, mostly, but they also love the moon-"  
  
"That all may be so, master elf," Gloin said briskly, "But there are also others in Mirkwood, creatures not as pleasant as your fair elves." He took a great gulp of drink from his mug and that was that. The great door creaked and slammed. Estel glanced around and noticed that Beorn was gone. He had a strange sensation at the pit of his stomach, it was almost as if he had stones there, weighing him down. He did not know why he felt this way, but what he did know was that he needed a distraction. Unfortunately it was at that time that the dwarves, now sitting cross-legged on the floor round the fire, began to sing.  
  
Estel sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. Why was he feeling so miserable? He went on this journey to fight dragons and have fun- not to sit around feeling sorry for himself. Why did Gloin have to call him 'master elf'... Was he jesting at his expense? It is clear as daylight that he is not and never was an elf, only a fool would think that...  
  
"It is time for us to sleep," Gandalf interrupted his thoughts. "-For us, but not I think for Beorn. In this hall we can rest sound and safe, but I warn you all not to forget what Beorn said before he left us: You must not stray outside until the sun is up, on your peril." Everyone moved to the side of the hall where beds were laid for them on a raised platform between the pillars and the outer wall. Estel snuggled into his woolen blankets, remaining close to Gandalf. He did not sleep very well during the night, with so many questions buzzing through his head. Several times he almost nudged Gandalf, but changed his mind. He was afraid of annoying the wizard, who promised to answer his questions when they were alone.  
  
He yawned tiredly and tried to steer his mind clear of burning questions. He jumped when he heard a growling sound outside and a noise as of some great animal scuffling at the door. He kept telling himself it was probably Beorn in his enchanted shape and nothing dangerous. After all, Gandalf trusts him, why shouldn't Estel? He pictured in his mind's eye Beorn turning into a great black bear with huge claws and sharp teeth. He saw him fighting goblins and wargs, growing in size and rage. The Eagles flew from above, shrieking as they swooped down on their foes. He could clearly see Elves, Men and Dwarves fighting side by side-  
  
Was that Gandalf?  
  
Estel squinted harder until he could see clearly the wizard's form. He was fighting ferociously, slaying any that came near. A warg jumped on him from behind, sinking his teeth into his arm. He heard Gandalf cry out in pain, before thrusting the sword behind him, killing the beast. He shoved the dead weight off him, his face pale and in pain. He glanced down wearily at his bloodied arm, before swaying precariously and then-  
  
"NO!"  
  
Estel tried taking huge gulps of air as he sat up panting. It took him a moment to realize it was his own anguished scream that woke him up. He glanced around quickly, not spotting Gandalf. He seemed to have woken up several dwarves that were still sleeping. Bilbo was the only one still sleeping.  
  
"Gandalf!" Estel shrieked. He scrambled to his feet and started looking around panicking. "Gandalf! Where is he?" He asked, a sickening feeling creeping up on him. Gandalf was all right... Gandalf had to be all right...  
  
"I am right here," Gandalf said slightly impatiently. "I was actually having a pleasant breakfast out on the veranda, when you started screaming like a madman! Honestly child, do you ever-" He was cut short when Estel rushed over to him and attached himself to the wizard's waist.  
  
Gandalf looked down at Estel, who suddenly appeared so young and frightened. Estel was actually sobbing quietly, something very unusual for this young one. Gandalf gently lifted the boy into his arms and quickly stepped outside, not even sparing a glance at the surprised dwarves, staring at the sight. Once they were outside and alone he sat down on a bench and placed the boy on his knees gently. Estel regained his composure and wiped at his red-rimed eyes. The redness only intensified his expressive grey eyes, now moving back and forth from horror to sadness.  
  
"Child," Gandalf asked worried, though he tried to sound soothing. "What has frightened you so?"  
  
Estel swallowed several times, trying to utter the words. He finally looked down shamefully, hiccupped and stated: "A dream, a very bad dream."  
  
Gandalf nearly chuckled with relief, until he saw the anguished look in Estel's face. He simply nodded and asked: "What did you dream of?" Estel shifted uncomfortably on Gandalf's lap, but didn't seem to want to get down. He glanced at Gandalf briefly, before looking away, shaking the image of the wounded Gandalf from his mind.  
  
"I dreamt that you were killed."  
  
Gandalf straightened at that and peered intently at Estel. He was careful to keep his voice neutral, so as not to scare Estel further. "Indeed? How was I killed?" Estel visibly shook at the memory, but tried to give as many details as possible.  
  
"There was *hiccup* some war- you and Beorn were fighting *hiccup* goblins and wargs. There were also eagles, Dwarves, Men and elves fighting the goblins. *Hiccup* you were fighting so many evil creatures at once and a warg jumped *hick* on you and bit into your arm or your shoulder, I don't remember. You killed it, but there was so much blood, your arm was torn and bleeding and then I think you collapsed, or were about to," Estel finally looked up at Gandalf, fresh tears welling in his eyes. "It was so terrible!"  
  
Gandalf looked out into the distance thoughtfully. He did not realize until now that the child had his mother's foresight. A war will soon be upon the companions and -apparently- five armies. He almost began pondering the details of the dream when he noticed the big grey eyes peering at him intently, waiting to see what words of wisdom and comfort could he offer. He shook his head and decided to peruse the matter later; right now there was a distraught child that needed him.  
  
"It could simply be a bad dream," Gandalf said casually, "I dare say you've had plenty horrible things to dream of." Estel nodded, but did not seem convinced. He seemed to believe this dream signified what was yet to come. He wondered how many dreams such as these, did Estel have. He clearly remembered the boy waking up frightened and pale from some dream or other during the night, what other horrors, was this poor soul forced to witness? He further wondered if Estel's sudden revelation regarding the identity of his father was a part of his maturing, or courtesy of another dream.  
  
"Perhaps it is not." Gandalf concluded, before asking softly: "Estel- what makes you think I died in your dream?" Estel gaped at him, not believing his ears. After being forced to relive that nightmare he was now forced to state the obvious to an esteem wizard?  
  
"You were wounded badly," Estel said slowly, trying to make Gandalf understand. "And you fell."  
  
"I see," Gandalf said, a touch of humor in his eyes. "And do all who are wounded, die? I seem to recall a stubborn little child of the age of four, climbing the tallest tree in the forest in order to prove he was a good elf. Do you remember what happened to that child?"  
  
Estel sighed; he was hoping everyone forgot about that embarrassing moment. "I fell- from the top of the tree."  
  
"Yes," Gandalf said gravely. "You were severely wounded- a concussion, broken arm and sprained ribs- you were lucky to have survived at all. You gave Lord Elrond quite the fright. He did not move from your bedside for five whole days-neither sleeping nor eating- until your regained consciousness and he was convinced you were alright."  
  
"He did?" Estel asked surprised. All he remembered from that incident was the embarrassment of having to explain to his father what he was doing in the tree in the first place, being punished by his father and mocked by the other elves. He could not imagine his stern father sitting by his bedside worried sick.  
  
"Your father, though he may not always show it or tell you, loves you deeply." Gandalf was slightly taken aback that Estel was shocked his father would care so much. He could still see doubt in his eyes, but decided to have a word with Elrond later regarding showering Estel with the love and comfort he needs.  
  
"Well, as I was saying- you cannot be certain I was killed in your dream, I may have only been injured. It will take more than a silly warg to kill Gandalf the Grey!" Gandalf said puffing his chest, causing Estel to giggle at the sight. It was good to hear him laugh.  
  
Estel slid off of Gandalf and stood facing him. "Thank you Gandalf," he said sincerely, before his smile slightly wavered. "I am sorry I was such a fool." He scowled at himself, not believing he actually cried- and about a silly dream he read wrong, nonetheless! What would the elves at Rivendell think of him...  
  
"You have nothing to apologize for," Gandalf laid a reassuring hand on Estel's shoulder. "Even adults have frightening dreams occasionally and you were anything but foolish. In fact, I believe you have matured greatly during this voyage." At the skeptical look on Estel's face, he continued. "Indeed! I think you have matured enough to come tracking with me."  
  
"Tracking? Really?" Estel asked excited, jumping slightly in the air. Elladan and Elrohir would surely be impressed with him, tracking-  
  
"What exactly ARE we tracking, Gandalf?" Estel asked, as he followed Gandalf, trying to keep up with his long strides. Gandalf did not answer; instead he hushed Estel and motioned for him to keep quiet. Estel bit his lip and nodded his head gravely. Gandalf stopped right outside the gate and hunched low on the ground, clearly looking for something. Estel did the same and tried to find what it was Gandalf was looking for. He would have asked, but Gandalf told him to be quiet, and he feared that if he asked the wrong question Gandalf would regret allowing him this privilege. And the last thing Estel wanted was to be deemed unworthy of tracking- whatever they were tracking.  
  
"Look," Gandalf whispered after a long pause, pointing at the ground. "What do you see here?" Estel tried to scoot over, but Gandalf grabbed him. "Don't walk ON the tracks you silly boy, we want them to stay in tact!" Estel blushed at the admonishing, cursing himself silently for being so rash and stupid. He bent his head low and walked over to Gandalf, careful not to step on the markings he now noticed. Gandalf looked at him intently and Estel realized he didn't answer his questions.  
  
"I see..." Estel saw slowly, afraid of making a mistake. "I see creature tracks." He looked up quickly at Gandalf, but he merely nodded at him to continue. Estel stammered, not quite sure what Gandalf wanted him to see.  
  
"Tracking is like solving a puzzle, you must ask yourself several questions, in order to see the entire picture: How many tracks are they? What made the track? Is it one race or several? What size is it? Where did it come from? In which direction did it head? And the hardest question- how long ago was the creature here?" Gandalf explained without a hint of a lecture. Estel absorbed it all, determined to prove himself.  
  
"Now," Gandalf turned to Estel. "Describe to me the tracks."  
  
Estel scrunched his face in concentration, his entire focus the puzzle before him. He decided to answer the easier questions first. "There are many different tracks."  
  
"How can you be certain the same being is not making them all?" Gandalf asked him, as he slowly rose and stretched his back. Estel remained focused on the ground.  
  
"Well, look over there-", Estel pointed. "Those are very small tracks, and these over here and slightly larger and there are some HUGE tracks over there." He was so intent on the ground he did not notice the encouraging smile on Gandalf's face.  
  
"How many races were here?" Gandalf asked him, leaning back against the fence.  
  
Estel was about to answer before he closed his mouth and decided to glance again to be certain. "One race, I think." He said not quite sure of himself. He turned back to glance at Gandalf, who was wearing a cryptic mask over his features. "Am I wrong?" Estel asked when Gandalf did not answer.  
  
"Why do you think there was only one race present?" Gandalf asked, not answering Estel's question.  
  
"I thought," Estel muttered dejectedly, feeling like he failed one of Elrond's quizzes. "The tracks, though they vary in size, all look alike."  
  
Gandalf nodded thoughtfully, accepting his logic. "What creature would you say made these tracks?" Estel sighed, knowing he wasn't doing well at all.  
  
"I don't know," he finally said, completely deflated. He glanced again at the tracks, willing them to tell him. He tried to think of what race made such round tracks with short, sharp edges. He suddenly noticed something he could not believe he didn't notice until now.  
  
"It walks on four!" He exclaimed a bit too loud, immediately being hushed by Gandalf. "See- there are four identical prints at all times. It does not cover its feet. It's not a hobbit- Bilbo's feet are different, they don't have sharp edges and aren't that round..." His thoughts reverted to his dream from the other night. He could see Beorn standing gigantically on two and plummeting his massive paw into an enemy-  
  
"Bear!" Estel said, jumping from his crouch and rounding on Gandalf. "It's bear tracks! I had a good look at Beorn's paws in my dream- they're round with sharp, short claws, just like in the tracks!" He smiled proudly up at Gandalf, who couldn't help but smile back and shake his head.  
  
"You will make an excellent tracker, my dear boy," Gandalf said impressed. "It was a very hard task for a first time tracker, but you've exceeded expectations." Estel had to duck his head, so that Gandalf could not see the slight blush at such a compliment.  
  
"There must have been a regular bears' meeting outside here," Gandalf mused. He followed the tracks with his eyes, turning several times in his spot, careful not to disturb the tracks. "They came from almost every direction..." Estel heard the "almost" and immediately followed the tracks as well, intent on finding the "almost" direction. He grinned satisfied.  
  
"Except from the west," Estel glanced at Gandalf. "Over the river, from the mountains. There is only one set of prints in that direction." He saw that Gandalf was about to ask his a question and he hurriedly added: "The foot prints are going away from here in that direction, there are none coming back." Gandalf humphed, causing Estel to grin smugly. He was rewarded by a tug on the ear.  
  
"It is quite rude to interrupt a wizard, or anyone else for that matter."  
  
"How can it be interrupting if you didn't manage to say anything?" Estel asked innocently and received a slap upside down his head. "Owww!"  
  
"Be thankful I do not wish to dent my staff on that hollow head of yours!" Gandalf warned, but couldn't help the smile on his face. He shook his head and bent low over the tracks, inspecting them closely. He pressed the side of his head to the tracks and seemed contemplating something. Estel waited eagerly for him to finish, wanting to know what he was doing.  
  
"It is as I thought," Gandalf said, finally rising and looking out into the west. "The meeting took place from dark to nearly dawn."  
  
"How can you tell?" Estel asked impressed, bending low over the tracks, trying to see what Gandalf saw.  
  
"The tracks are fairly cold, which means the bears were here hours ago at least. Furthermore, the prints are clear, the ground was obviously moist when the bears held their meeting. It rained late last night, until right before dawn." Estel looked at Gandalf shocked.  
  
"Besides," Gandalf said, winking at Estel. "I heard them all last night until nearly dawn."  
  
Estel laughed, shaking his head at the strange and funny wizard.  
  
"Shall we?" Gandalf asked, following the biggest tracks that were leading west.  
  
"Those are Beorn's tracks, aren't they?" Estel asked, glancing at Gandalf a bit worried. Gandalf nodded, waiting for him to follow him. "We're tracking BEORN???" Estel asked astonished. "Why are we tracking our host down? Isn't it... Rude?" Gandalf chuckled and kept following the tracks. Estel had to run in order to catch up. "Won't he get mad if he finds out?"  
  
"Which is precisely why we need to make sure he DOESN'T find out," Gandalf said seriously, finally turning to Estel. "Won't we?"  
  
Estel sighed and nodded and the two set off to track Beorn down.  
  
*END CHAPTER 9*  
  
Author's Note: Man! When I first started writing this, I was afraid it would be too short! Then it came out 6,282 words, so I decided to divide it into two chapters. Unlike "Kill Bill" or "The Matrix", I plan on putting the next part up in...say a week? Tops two? I have it here. Like I said, there are about 2-3 more chapters (I haven't written them yet) until the end of this story and if anyone is wondering there will be Legolas in the last chapter or the one before- something to look forward to!  
  
When I started writing this it was supposed to be a sweet growing up story. Now look what I'm doing to poor, poor Estel!  
  
Grumpy- I'm glad you love my Gandalf, the Dwarves and Estel, it means the world to me! When I started writing this chapter (now it's two chapters) you were my only reviewer, so this chapter is dedicated to you, because if you hadn't reviewed it and told me you loved my characters and want more, I might have quit already! So thank you so very much!  
  
G.P.- I wrote more! Heehee. 


	10. Do You Believe In Dreams?

High, low, here we go Hear the word That floats upon the air above Reach up, touch the night Catch a light That's falling on the only ones The only ones  
  
And the way you see your life  
  
A case of "do or die" Returns us to the way It used to be before And the future lies In the years of sacrifice You'll open up your eyes And wake to see it Standing at your door  
  
Right time turn it on Touch a heart That's waiting for the only one Night time, can't go wrong Open up and sing the song For everyone  
  
And the way you see your life A case of "do or die" To preserve your sanity When others lose control  
  
And the years we spent Heaven blessed or heaven sent Sang where kings and presidents Could change the world Just standing at the wall!  
  
Why, tell me why, don't you know Do you believe in dreams? Tell me where did they go? Why did they leave us?  
  
If you ask me i don't know. Where did the music go? After all is said and done Same chance for everyone  
  
If you ask us we can't say When did the music go away After all is said and done Same chance for everyone  
  
Why, tell me why, don't you know? Do you believe in dreams? Tell me where did they go? Why did they leave us?  
  
- The Barclay James Harvest, Do You Believe In Dreams (same Chance For Everyone)  
  
*  
  
Gandalf and Estel walked into the halls, where the dwarves and Bilbo were having supper, just before sun set. Estel's stomach grumbled and he quickly attacked the food, feeling as if he hadn't eaten in weeks.  
  
"Where is our host, and where have YOU been all day yourself?" They all asked Gandalf, completely ignoring Estel, which he didn't really mind. As long as he didn't have to answer any questions he could stuff his mouth with food.  
  
"One question at a time- and none till after supper! I haven't had a bite since breakfast."  
  
Gandalf waited until after supper and AFTER he blew smoke rings before answering their questions. After stuffing his stomach full, Estel sat back, feeling tired and sore. He must have made some sort of noise because Thorin swiftly turned and scrutinized Estel's disheveled appearance. "And where did you go off to?" He asked Estel accusingly. Estel opened his mouth to answer, when Gandalf answered for the both of them:  
  
"WE have been picking out bear-tracks." Estel had to bite his tongue in order to not retort something about it being rude to interrupt someone. He listened as Gandalf told them of their conclusions regarding the meeting of bears, the number of them and the time of the meeting. Estel smiled proudly, thinking he discovered most of the details himself.  
  
"They came from almost every direction, except from the west over the river, from the mountains." Gandalf continued. "In that direction only one set of foot prints led- none coming, only ones going away from here. We followed these as far as the Carrock. There they disappeared into the river, but the water was too deep and strong beyond the rock for us to cross." He gave Estel a look, causing him to downcast his eyes. He was stupid enough to immediately try to cross the river, nearly drowning and being swept away by the current. He was lucky Gandalf was there, stretching out his staff for Estel to grab onto.  
  
"... We had to walk miles before we found a place where the river was wide and shallow enough for us to wade and swim, and then miles back again to pick up the tracks again. By that time it was too late for us to follow them far-." Estel nearly toppled over his own feet, otherwise he was sure Gandalf might have followed the tracks farther...  
  
"-They went straight off in the direction of the pine-woods on the east side of the Misty Mountains, where we had our pleasant little party with the Wargs the night before last. And now I think I have answered your first question, too," ended Gandalf, and he sat a long while silent.  
  
"What shall we do," Bilbo suddenly cried, jumping a sleepy Estel, "if he leads all the Wargs and the goblins down here? We shall all be caught and killed! I thought you said he was not a friend of theirs."  
  
"So I did." Gandalf answered harshly, apparently not doing much better than Estel. "And don't be silly! You had better go to bed, your wits are sleepy."  
  
Estel decided to take that as his cue to go to sleep as well, his muscles aching from the long trek. But he did not regret it for a moment, it was fun most of the time and he learned so much about tracking! Estel settled down, reliving an important conversation he and Gandalf shared earlier.  
  
~ "What is it?" Gandalf asked Estel, noticing the troubled look on the youth's face.  
  
"Nothing," Estel said too quickly, picking up his pace. How long have they been walking? The sun was already past her peek. At this rate they'll only be back in a few days, at best. He bumped into something, falling back. He got up tiredly and looked up at the offending obstacle-  
  
Gandalf stood rooted to his spot, his arms crossed over his chest, waiting.  
  
Estel sighed and rubbed his aching limbs, knowing they'll be ugly bruises by morning. "Fine," he said agitated, seeing that Gandalf will not take no for an answer. "I am scared, alright?" He admitted shamefully, looking angrily anywhere but at Gandalf.  
  
"I have told you before, there is no shame in fear," Gandalf responded evenly. "What has scared you?"  
  
Estel looked up at Gandalf, but all he could see was the Gandalf now imprinted on his mind, with his arm bloody, his visage pale and he was swaying dangerously on the battlefield.  
  
"Is it the dream?" Gandalf guessed, prodding gently. Estel merely nodded, not trusting his own voice.  
  
"I have already told you, it may mean nothing. And if not, then it only means I might be injured, not-"  
  
"I don't want to lose you!" Estel yelled quickly, not wanting to hear the word implied at the end of Gandalf's sentence. He felt fresh tears in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away, not wanting to cry again like a child.  
  
"Child," Gandalf said, struck by the raw emotions in Estel's voice. "What makes you think-"  
  
"I know," Estel said quietly. "I know you are stronger than a stupid Warg and that it will take more than that to bring a powerful wizard down. I know all that, it's just... I love you."  
  
Gandalf's eyes grew slightly at the confession, not quite understanding where all this was coming from. "I love you too, Estel."  
  
"People have a tendency to leave me," Estel admitted quietly, looking with anguished eyes at the wizard. "I couldn't bare to lose you too."  
  
"Who has left you?" Gandalf asked confused. Estel lived in Rivendell, where death was a foreign concept. The last time he checked Gilraen the Fair was well, who else-  
  
"My father," Estel said, before correcting himself. "Not Elrond- my OTHER father. The one that died." Gandalf waited patiently for Estel to continue, slightly unnerved that Estel had an idea how Arathorn died. He could only hope all he had was a vague idea from whispered words in Lord Elrond's house. If the boy actually had a vision of his father's death...  
  
"But there are others," Estel said quickly, afraid of seeming foolish. "I don't remember their faces, but I saw them. I saw them die." Estel turned away and played in the dirt with his foot. "I know all things end and that people die," except for elves, he thought ruefully. "But I was there- I was there, standing helplessly by as the light left their eyes. And then I witnessed you falling as well... It was simply more than I could bare." Gandalf grabbed the boy in a tight embrace, for a moment forgetting what they came here to do.  
  
"My dear dear child," Gandalf said, his voice raw with emotion. "I would never dream to call you helpless." He glanced at the small head near his waist and wondered why life seems to be cruel to this one in particular. "I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I do not. It is the way of nature for people to die. I believe that you have been granted a wonderful and horrible gift of sight." Estel glanced up at Gandalf, his grey eyes huge and young.  
  
"Many in this world pass without leaving any note in History," Gandalf continued. "Yet here you are, remembering them, carrying their torch of life with you, wherever you go."  
  
Estel seemed slightly comforted by those words and he left Gandalf's embrace. "I don't remember them," he said quietly, a new determination and resolve shone from his eyes. "But if someone must bare silent testimony to their life, I will do it." He shook his head, a headache forming from all the crying he did today. "I believe we have a Bear to track." He smiled slightly at Gandalf in silence thanks.  
  
"I believe you are correct." Gandalf ruffled his hair and they continued onwards.  
  
~  
  
*  
  
"So here you all are still!"  
  
Estel opened his eyes and saw Beorn, standing tall above them, seemingly in a good mood. He glanced outside and saw that it was already morning. Beorn picked up Bilbo and laughed: "Not eaten up by Wargs or goblins or wicked bears yet I see," he poked Bilbo's waistcoat. "Little bunny is getting nice and fat again on bread and honey. Come and have some more!"  
  
Estel smiled to himself, thinking that he was the first to think of the hobbit as a rabbit. He went to breakfast with the rest, not really listening to Beorn's tale, as he told them that how he caught a Warg and a goblin wandering in the woods. From them he heard that the company's story was true.  
  
"It was a good story, that of yours," Beorn said, "but I like it still better now that I am sure it is true. You must forgive my not taking your word. If you lived near the edge of Mirkwood, you would take the word of no one that you did not know as well as your brother or better. As it is, I can only say that I have hurried home as fast as I could to see that you were safe, and to offer you any help that I can. I shall think more kindly of dwarves after this. Killed the Great Goblin, killed the Great Goblin!" He chuckled fiercely to himself.  
  
"What did you do with the goblin and the Warg?" Bilbo asked suddenly. Estel wasn't sure he wanted to know.  
  
"Come and see!" Beorn said, and led them round the house. A goblin's head was stuck outside the gate and a warg-skin was nailed to a tree just beyond. Estel shuddered, and as Gandalf told Beorn their whole story and the reason of their journey, he couldn't help but glance at Beorn, wondering what he would have done to Gandalf and he, if he would have found them tracking him. He glanced back at the goblin head and felt as though he might lose his breakfast.  
  
Beorn provided them with a pony each, giving Gandalf (and Estel) a horse. He gave them food to last them weeks with care and some last minute advice. They left Beorn's house at around midday, after eating with him one last time. They rode in silence until nightfall, when they set up camp and slept uneasily.  
  
The next few days of riding went by uneventful. All the while they saw nothing save grass and flowers and birds and scattered trees, and occasionally small herds of red deer browsing or sitting at noon in the shade. On the third evening they pressed on after dusk and into the night, for Beorn said that they should reach the forest-gate early on the fourth day.  
  
The next day they started out before dawn. The silence began to draw upon them; the birds began to sing less. There were no more deer; not even rabbits were to be seen (not counting the fat one riding besides Estel and Gandalf, looking frighteningly around all the time). By the afternoon they had reached the eaves of Mirkwood, and were resting almost beneath the great overhanging boughs of its outer trees.  
  
"Well, here is Mirkwood!" Said Gandalf. "The greatest of the forests of the northern world. I hope you liked the look of it. Now you must send back these excellent ponies you have borrowed."  
  
"What about the horse, then?" Thorin asked. "You don't mention sending that back."  
  
"I don't, because I am not sending it." Estel glanced up at Gandalf, already guessing where this was going.  
  
"What about YOUR promise then?" Thorin pressed on.  
  
"I will look after that. I am not sending the horse back, I am riding it!" The rest of the company now realized that Gandalf was going to leave them at the very edge of Mirkwood. Gandalf tried to cheer them up. "Now we had this all out before, when we landed on the Carrock. It is no use arguing. I have, as I told you, some pressing business away south; and I am already late through bothering with you people." Estel wondered what 'pressing business' Gandalf had in the south. Gandalf said he would make sure Estel reached his father safely, was he meeting him there? Was Elrond also going south to this "pressing business"?  
  
"So cheer up Bilbo and don't look so glum," Gandalf finished. "Cheer up Thorin and Company! This is your expedition after all. Think of the treasures at the end, and forget the forest and the dragon, at any rate until tomorrow morning!"  
  
The next morning they started distributing their packages and unpacking the ponies. After saying goodbye to their ponies, and sending them home, they were forced to part with Gandalf. Bilbo sat on the ground looking extremely unhappy and as if he wished he were beside the wizard on his tall horse. Estel wished he could trade places with Bilbo. Gandalf said goodbye and tried giving the Company some last minute advice. Estel jumped down from the horse and fidgeted nervously. He walked over to each in turn and embraced their arms, like a good elf would. He walked over to Gloin and embraced his arms. The dwarf smiled fondly at him and tussled his hair, a sign of liking grownups tend to do too often. Estel smiled sheepishly at him. "You should come to Rivendell again some day, to visit."  
  
"I would like that very much," Gloin said sincerely. "I think I'll bring my son along, something tells me the two of you would get along." Estel nodded and turned to Bilbo.  
  
"Goodbye Rabbit-Feet," he grinned at the Hobbit. "The next time you are in Rivendell, I expect you to teach me new shire-songs."  
  
"If you keep calling me "Rabbit-Feet" I shall be forced to write a song about you, a not very complimentary one at that!" They embraced quickly, before Estel turned to Thorin.  
  
"I was an honor to meet you, sir," Estel said. He threw his arms in a full embrace around the surprised dwarf. "Keep safe, and when you come and visit I expect some share of the treasure." Thorin smiled and patted Estel on the head.  
  
"Keep safe, young one," he said to Estel, as they parted. "I shall remember you for our next great expedition!" Estel walked away and Gandalf helped him onto the horse.  
  
"Good-bye then, and really good-bye!" Gandalf said, and he turned his horse and rode down into the West. Before he had passed quite out of hearing he turned around and put his hands to his mouth and called to them: "Good-bye! Be good, take care of yourselves- and DON'T LEAVE THE PATH!" Then he galloped away and they were soon lost to sight. Estel sadly wondered if he would see any of the Company ever again. He turned in his seat, looking up at the Wizard. There was no delaying the matter further- now he will finally get some answers.  
  
*END CHAPTER 10*  
  
Author's Note: Only a few more chapters to go now! Lots more Estel angst ahead, and he finally gets to be with his family! So some nice warm moments, as well as the angst! This is a quick update, the next one will be in a while, I don't know my "Silmarillion" well enough, and I need to know how long it took Gandalf to get to the war (since the time they parted and until he joined them in the war).  
  
Grumpy- Wow, you love EVERYTHING about the story, that is so great! Especially considering what I'm putting poor Estel through! Heehee, I hope he can convince Elrond to get him SOME pet, though I doubt he'd allow an Eagle... I agree, that is such a little boy's way of thinking, because as mature as you think Estel is, he is still 10 and still a little boy! And I love him for it!  
  
HobbitsRFun- Yes, Estel has always been insecure, growing up as the only human among elves would do that to you! I'm glad you like the tracking scene, since I have no experience in the matter, I was worried it wouldn't come out right. Yes he is so sweet, he just needs a boost of confidence every now and again! 


	11. What's In a Name?

Huge thanks to Galahan, without whom I would have never been able to come up with estimated travel time and route. Thanks so much! You're the best!  
  
* "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet."  
  
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II scene II.  
  
"...I will not forsake The colors that you bring The nights you filled with fireworks They left you with nothing  
  
I am still enchanted By the light you brought to me I listen through your ears Through your eyes I can see...  
  
I was unconscious, half asleep The water is warm 'til you discover how deep  
  
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall It's a long way down to nothing at all"  
  
And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if our way should falter Along the stony pass  
  
And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if your way should falter Along this stony pass  
  
It's just a moment This time will pass"  
  
-U2, "Stuck In A Moment".  
  
*  
  
"Gandalf?" Estel asked nervously, trying to glance at the Wizard behind him. But no matter how he twisted his neck, all he got was pain and a bushy beard in his face.  
  
"Yes, child?" Gandalf asked patiently, though he dreaded this conversation. Estel shifted uncomfortably on their horse.  
  
"You said that when we were traveling alone, I could ask you... Questions," Estel said apprehensively, his throat suddenly felt dry.  
  
"Yes, I did and I am a Wizard true to his word," Gandalf huffed indignantly. "But perhaps you could postpone such questions to when we've reached the Celduin, in a few days time. Right now we must set good pace."  
  
"Where are we going?" Estel asked curiously, trying to bottle his disappointment. He needed to talk now...  
  
"To Lorien," Gandalf said hesitantly. "Where Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn dwell."  
  
"Are they not Elladan and Elrohir's grandparents?" Estel asked confused. "I heard it is beautiful there, but do you not having pressing business to attend to?"  
  
"My pressing business is IN Lorien," Gandalf explained. He frowned for a moment. "Have you never been there?"  
  
"No," Estel said somewhat sadly. "But Elladan and Elrohir go often to visit, and they tell me stories of its beauty." He shrugged his shoulders slightly and his tone got bitter. "II have no business in Lorien, the Elves there are not MY kin and the Lady and Lord of Lorien are not MY grandparents."  
  
Gandalf shook his head angrily, adding another topic to the already long list to confront Elrond with. "Well, you will see it soon, when we get there."  
  
"Won't they be mad?" Estel asked, a bit frightened. "I am coming uninvited."  
  
"If everyone were to come only when invited, no one would go anywhere," Gandalf smiled. "Beside, I doubt anyone can stay mad at you for long."  
  
"Father can," Estel said immediately. "And so can mother- but I can still pretend to be 'cute' with her and she'll eventually forgive me."  
  
"And Elrond cannot?"  
  
"He sighs and looks at me funny and says I make him grow old." Estel looked at Gandalf suspiciously. "Have I made YOU grow old? You look like you are, was it my doing?"  
  
"No," Gandalf laughed. "My appearance is not your doing and if anything it is the contrary: You have kept me young."  
  
"But you are not young to begin with, how could I KEEP you young?" Estel asked puzzled.  
  
Gandalf sighed. "It is an expression, as is 'grow old', they are both referring to the state of mind. I meant you make me FEEL young."  
  
"Oh," Estel said embarrassed. "Why then did you not simply say so?" Gandalf was stumped and so he did the only thing he could do and whacked the child across the head. Estel chuckled, knowing he caused Gandalf to be rendered speechless.  
  
*  
  
"We have reached the Celduin," Gandalf announced, several days later. He glanced up at the dark sky. "We should stop now, refill our water supply, eat and rest. AND-" he added, seeing the question forming on Estel's lips. "-I will answer what questions I can."  
  
Estel jumped down from the horse and, though he was tired, rushed to fill the skins with water. When he returned, he helped Gandalf remove their light load from Celduin (as Estel decided the horse's name should be, since in his eyes he was as fast as a running river) and unpack their foods.  
  
"Alright, Estel," Gandalf said, as he settled in. "I have delayed this far enough. You may ask me your questions and I shall try to answer them."  
  
"Why 'try'?" Estel asked, wondering angrily if he waited this long for nothing.  
  
"Because, child, some of these question I may have no answers to give." Gandalf said, biting into one of the honey cakes. "Some I may have an answer, but it is the wrong time, and some should be addressed to other people entirely."  
  
"Addressed to whom?" Estel asked. "And why not give me an answer if you have one?"  
  
"Some questions should best be addressed to lord Elrond and your mother." Gandalf said wearily. "And some should wait till you are older."  
  
"Why wait till I am older?" Estel said agitated. "I'm not a silly child- I am ten years old!" It was all he could do to not stomp his feet. He knew if he did that he would only prove Gandalf's point.  
  
"There are ramifications to everything," Gandalf said mysteriously. "And once certain doors are opened, a single path awaits and you cannot stay in the doorway."  
  
"What?" Estel asked, feeling slightly dizzy. He hated it when Gandalf spoke like that.  
  
"Never mind," Gandalf huffed. "You have questions to ask, after that we rest and continue traveling."  
  
Estel opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. It were as though there were so many questions to ask, he could not form them into speech. He knew he had a better chance at answers with Gandalf and so he would have to ask all he wanted to know, right now.  
  
"Who was my other father?" He asked the most burning question of all.  
  
"Do you ask for his name, his occupation or his personality?" Gandalf asked pointedly.  
  
"All of them." Estel said stubbornly.  
  
"He was a Ranger of the North," Gandalf said slowly, picking his words carefully. "A noble man, according to what I heard. But I have never met the man and so cannot offer more about him. You should ask your mother what he was like, after all, she was married to him."  
  
"You didn't tell me his name."  
  
"How very perceptive of you," Gandalf grinned grimly. "His name was Arathorn son of Arador."  
  
"Is Arador still alive?"  
  
"No, he died a year before you were born."  
  
"Oh," Estel said quietly. He never had grandparents, according to stories they were really fun and they spoil you rotten. He sometimes wished he had one or two. Not that he did not love his parents, but it was different somehow. "Why was I raised in Imladris?" Estel asked. "Why not in some man village? Or where my parents were from?"  
  
"That you will have to ask your mother and father," Gandalf said as he took out his pipe and lit some weed.  
  
"IS Elrond still my father?" Estel asked worriedly, a sudden cold wind causing him to shudder.  
  
"Why should he not be?" Gandalf asked surprised.  
  
"Well," Estel said, glancing away. "I know the truth now, he does not have to pretend he is my REAL father any longer."  
  
"Do you think that is what he was doing? PRETENDING to be your father?"  
  
"I don't know," Estel said miserably. "Maybe?"  
  
"Come here," Gandalf beckoned, and Estel scooted over and lay his head against Gandalf. Gandalf wrapped his coat around the shivering child. "Listen carefully to what I have to say, Estel." Estel listened intently, waiting for whatever important thing the Wizard has to say. "Do you love Elrond?"  
  
"Of course I love him," Estel said indignantly. "He is-"  
  
"-Your father," Gandalf finished for him, blowing a ring of smoke. "Perhaps not by blood, but he is your father by love."  
  
"I know I love him and WISH for him to continue being my father," Estel said slowly. "But what if he does not want me anymore? What if by running away I've angered him so much, he wishes to be rid of me?" He finished quietly, his eyes stinging. He drew closer to the warm wizard.  
  
"If Lord Elrond could put up with your brothers' antics for over two millennia, he can handle one annoying little child," Gandalf winked at him. He suddenly became very serious. "Elrond loves you, never doubt that. He could have simply allowed you to live in Imladris, but he loved you so much, he decided to foster father you. You ARE his son, no matter what you do, no matter how angry you make him, you will ALWAYS be his son."  
  
Estel was quiet, absorbing it all, trying to convince himself that Gandalf was right. "I don't remember him."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Gandalf asked confused.  
  
"Arathorn- I don't remember him at all," his voice sounded slightly anguished. "Am I wronging his memory? How would he feel about me having another father and not remembering him at all?"  
  
"You were only two, when Arathorn died-"  
  
"Was killed," Estel corrected. "He was shot by orcs in the-" He suddenly felt the need to vomit at the image stirred up from a distant dream. He swallowed the bile.  
  
"I can not presume to speak for Arathorn," Gandalf said thoughtfully. "But I believe he would want you and your mother to be happy. I think he would be glad, that if he could not raise you, at least you would have another father to love you."  
  
"I don't think she's happy," Estel countered. Gandalf furrowed his brow and Estel explained. "My mother, I don't think she's happy."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"She cries a lot," Estel shrugged, glancing up at the sky. "Late at night, when she think no one can hear. She almost never travels outside the halls and she just seems sad."  
  
"I suppose that is to be expected," Gandalf reasoned. "She loved Arathorn very much."  
  
"I know," Estel sighed. "But I don't want her to be sad. I try to be 'cute' for her, she seems to like it. But I do not know what to do to make her happy."  
  
"You need not act like a child younger than your years in order to please your mother," Gandalf admonished gently. "And you cannot force happiness upon someone. Spend more time with her, perhaps- I know you make her happy."  
  
"Not lately," Estel admitted embarrassed. "I think I make her sadder."  
  
"Child," Gandalf sighed. "You seem to be under the impression that you evoke sadness and anger wherever you go, when it is quite the opposite." Gandalf chuckled lightly. "I have never seen Thorin more jovial nor so full of Mirth, than I have in the short time you two spent together. You have a gift- you lighten heavy spirits and help dig up lost hope."  
  
Estel blushed at the compliment, though he did not think it was true. He frowned momentarily, the word 'hope' stirring another important question.  
  
"Gandalf," he asked wonderingly. "'Estel' is an Elven word, and you said I was two when brought to Imladris. Did I... Did my parents name me another name?"  
  
"Every man gathers many names during his life."  
  
"You have not answered my question," Estel narrowed his eyes. Gandalf kept doing that, was he hiding something? Or was he so old he forgot the question?  
  
"You are becoming too observant for your own good," Gandalf said. He thought for a long moment, before answering. "Yes, your parents named you a different name when you were born."  
  
Estel waited impatiently. After several moments when it was clear Gandalf had no intentions of answering him, Estel asked: "Are you going to tell me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What?" Estel asked bemused.  
  
"I told you some of your questions will not be answered until you are older."  
  
"But WHY?" Estel whined. "And don't start talking about opened doors!"  
  
"Some information can be very... Delicate. You only have the tools to handle it when you come of age."  
  
"But it is only a name- not an attack plan!" Estel argued vehemently.  
  
"If it is 'only a name', why do you care so much?"  
  
"Because," Estel said stubbornly. "Because it is MY name. The name my OTHER father gave me. I have a right to know what it is!"  
  
"You are right," Gandalf nodded. "And in due time you will know what it is, but for now you will simply have to wait. And try acting more mature, the faster Elrond thinks you are grown enough to know it, the faster you will have it."  
  
"No!" Estel said, rising to his feet. "I refuse!" He racked his brains. "If you will not tell me now, I will... I will- I will hold my breath until I turn blue and die!" He threatened.  
  
"By all means," Gandalf said amiably. "I could use some entertainment."  
  
Estel drew a large gulp of breath and held it, taking his daring stand against Gandalf. Gandalf raised a brow, before settling himself for sleep. "Goodnight." Estel held the breath in, refusing to lose, but eventually his lungs screamed for air and he had to comply. He sagged next to Gandalf sulking.  
  
"I know your name is important to you," Gandalf said quietly. "But for now you have the chance to be no one other than Estel- you should treasure this time." Estel did not answer and settled himself silently for sleep.  
  
"Do you recall my other name?" Gandalf asked, trying to draw the child from the morose cocoon he slipped into. "The one everyone in Imladris other than you call me by?"  
  
"Mithrandir," Estel said, and a tiny smile tugged at his lips.  
  
"Do you remember WHY you started calling me 'Gandalf'?"  
  
~  
  
"GILRAEN!"  
  
Gilraen winced, as she hurried to the great hall. If Elrond bellowed her name that way, it could only mean one thing.  
  
Aragorn.  
  
She was truly terrified her adoring little boy would do something to jeopardize their status here in Rivendell. Elrond was a hospitable host, that goes without saying, but how long could he stand the very energetic little three year old? They were not here for even a year, and it seemed Aragorn (she could never get used to thinking of him as 'Estel') had a knack for causing trouble. She reached the great hall that was in final preparations for some esteem Wizard's stay. As she reached the entrance, she quickly straightened her dress and made sure she was presentable, before bravely stepping inside-  
  
And gasping in horror.  
  
"Oh Tithen Min [little one]," she sighed. "What have you done now?" Estel looked up at her and grinned widely.  
  
"I made hall pretty for guest," he said proudly. "Isn't it pretty?" Gilraen winced as he dared to glance at the fuming Elrond. The walls of the great hall were decorated with bright colors and drawings. She was about to argue Estel's case to Elrond, when a resonating voice sounded from behind them.  
  
"What have we here?"  
  
Both Elrond and Gilraen turned to see Mithrandir or Gandalf the Grey, standing in the hall, gazing appreciatively at the walls.  
  
"I see we have an artist in this house," Gandalf smiled pleasantly.  
  
"I did it!" Estel said jumping up and down. "I did it for wizard!"  
  
"Indeed?" Gandalf said, walking over to the bundle of joy. "You must have spent a long time working on it."  
  
"Aha," Estel said nodding, before pointing a finger at the wall. "I spent ALL night making the surprise."  
  
"Mithrandir," Elrond started, trying to think of a way to explain.  
  
"I think it is a treasured present." Gandalf smiled, as he bent low next to Estel. "If I could, I would take it with me, but I think Elrond would miss his wall too much."  
  
"You wizard?" Estel asked, his sparkling grey eyes growing huge. "You can make fireworks and magic?"  
  
"Yes, I am and yes, I can," Gandalf chuckled. "What is your name?"  
  
"Estel," he said, shaking Gandalf's hand. "Mae Govannen [well met], mister wizard."  
  
"You may call me Mithrandir," Gandalf smiled pleasantly, shaking the child's hand.  
  
"Mithidir?" Estel puzzled.  
  
"No, Mithrandir."  
  
"Mithandir?"  
  
"No... MITHRANDIR."  
  
"Mithundor?" Estel asked, even more confused.  
  
"No- never mind," Gandalf sighed. "I am known by another name, perhaps it would prove easier to pronounce: Gandalf the Grey."  
  
"Gadaf?"  
  
"GANDALF!"  
  
"Gadnalf?"  
  
"G-A-N-D-A-L-F!!!"  
  
~  
  
"I remember," Estel chuckled lightly. "You were so funny, you looked like you were about to shout at me, you were so red in the face!"  
  
"As long as you are amused," Gandalf said as though offended, but in truth he was grateful the child was still capable of chuckling. "We should get some sleep, we still have quite a way ahead of us. Goodnight Estel."  
  
Estel smirked. "Goodnight GADAF."  
  
*  
  
"Where are you going?" Gilraen asked Elrond, as she saw him getting ready for travel in his study.  
  
"I am going to an important Council," Elrond said briskly. "Gandalf the Grey sent word, he and Estel are already journeying to the meeting place." He grabbed his sword and shuffled around for his bow and arrows.  
  
"You require weapons for this meeting?" Gilraen asked concerned.  
  
"I promise you no harm shall come to your son and he will not be involved in anything dangerous," Elrond said, as he packed some herbs.  
  
"My worry does not lie only with my son." Gilraen said quietly, slightly hurt. Elrond turned a questioning look toward her. "You are his father- of course I worry for your well being as well! He has already lost one father, though he does not remember him, he need not lose another that he loves so much!" Tears sprang into her red eyes, but she quickly brushed them away.  
  
"I apologize," Elrond said gently. "I did not mean to imply that you do not care for my well being." He walked over to her and grabbed her shoulder. "I will be fine, and Estel will be home soon enough, you have my word." Gilraen nodded and Elrond drew away, returning to collecting several herbs.  
  
"What are those for?" Gilraen asked curiously. "They look like medicine herbs."  
  
"They are," Elrond said darkly. "It is best to carry them with, for any trouble that may arise."  
  
"You believe he is hurt?" Gilraen asked a slight panic to her voice.  
  
"I hope not," Elrond said heavily. "But I have a bad feeling and I prefer to have them with me." Elrond turned to leave his study, when Gilraen called after him:  
  
"Keep safe, and make sure our Estel is safe." Elrond nodded and left, walking quickly through the halls.  
  
"You're going to the White Council, aren't you?" Elrohir asked him, as he and his brother caught up with Elrond.  
  
"You are going prepared for battle." Elladan remarked, seeing the weapons.  
  
"A decision has to be made, that should have been made long ago," Elrond said darkly, as the three exited the house and headed to the stables.  
  
"The enemy grows stronger," Elladan commented. "He resides in Dol Guldur and has gathered the rings."  
  
"He must be pushed back," Elrohir said sternly.  
  
"Yes, that is what must be decided," Elrond said bitterly, as he chose the fastest horse to ride.  
  
"Then we will come with you," Elladan said, glancing at his twin. "We will help fight the enemy."  
  
"Elladan-" Elrond started.  
  
"He is right," Elrohir said. "We are not children, Adar, and we can hold our own."  
  
"Beside," Elladan grinned. "We are the sons of one the wisest elves."  
  
"Very well," Elrond said, giving up. "You may not participate in the Council, but you can help attack Dol Guldur."  
  
Both brothers drew their hidden weapons and prepared their horses for departure. "The decision has not been made yet," Elrohir said. "What makes you so sure they will chose an attack?"  
  
"Because," Elrond said, as he rode his horse out. "I plan to leave them no choice."  
  
*  
  
"Ouch!" Estel cried, as he got tangled in a thorny bush. They were treading by foot on the Old Forest Road for four days, due to the low roof of trees and the tricky path. He managed to pull himself loose, but not before severely tearing his garment and receiving several nasty scratches. Oh well, it was not as if his clothes were doing so well until now.  
  
"Try to keep up!" Gandalf urged him, as he pulled him forward.  
  
"How much further?" Estel tried not to whine. He rubbed his arms absent mindedly.  
  
"In a day or two we should reach the Anduin, and from there it is an easy journey to Lorien."  
  
"That's what you said yesterday and the day before!" Estel complained, feeling agitated and thirsty. He took a huge gulp of water from the skin, but still felt dry and hot.  
  
"No, I did not. I said we would PROBABLY reach the Anduin in APPROXIMITELY two to three days, but you never keep pace!" Gandalf said annoyed. "I am already late and we must hurry up!"  
  
Estel wiped the sweat off his forehead and swallowed whatever remark he was about to make.  
  
The next day the woke up before dawn, eating a quick breakfast before starting off again. Estel found it difficult to wake up from the warm embrace of sleep, and most of the time was walking in a hazed state. All he wanted was a nice warm bed to sleep in for hours on hours...  
  
By the end of the second day they finally left the Old Forest road and reached Anduin, the Great River, where they could travel on their horse Celduin. Estel was thirsty and hungry and itchy, but most of all he felt tired. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes opened and eventually let them close, falling fast asleep.  
  
Gandalf did not notice until it was too late. Before he had a chance to react, Estel wnt limp and slid sideways, falling off the horse. "Estel!" He cried surprised and worried, as he jumped off to see what was wrong. Estel did not wake up from the fall and Gandalf tried calling his name several more times, to no avail. He slightly slapped the boy, but he only stirred in his sleep. Gandalf pressed the back of his hand to Estel's forehead.  
  
"You are running a fever," Gandalf said, worried. "We must hurry you to Lorien!" He gently held the sleeping child and got back on the horse, riding with urgent haste toward Lorien.  
  
*END PART 11*  
  
Author's Note: This took me a long time to post also because I had to use 3- 4 books for maps and for any scrap of information regarding the White Council, and also because I had a field trip. As Galahan suggested, the White Council in this story took place in Lorien, since it is a pretty nuetral zone. But in my mind it wandered and so at other times it was elsewhere. This has been real difficult to write, but I managed to! Boy writing LOTR is hard and takes a lot of research, so Yay for me! I just realized I spent over a year on this story! I'll miss Estel. :(  
  
Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed-  
  
Hallagurthiel- I am so glad you're enjoying my cute little story! I hope you enjoy the rest of it, as it is drawing to an end.  
  
leggylover03- Hey! You thought it was sweet? Whew, I thought it became a bit too dark and gloomy for my poor Estel! When I started this it was sweet and fun, look what happened!  
  
grumpy- I think I look forward to your reviews the most! What an ego boost! My Estel is a cute little boy, I write Gandalf well, you love their interaction? Can I hire you as my personal pick me upper? LOL.  
  
HobbitsRFun- Wow, I guess the interaction really worked, I'm so glad! I'm never sure how they come off! Estel can't wait to be reunited with his family as well, and don't worry there will be some family moments before the end!  
  
Ivy 


	12. Bring Me Back to You

So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my place  
  
When I'm gone, you'll need love  
  
To light the shadows on your face  
  
If the great wave shall fall  
  
It'd fall upon us all  
  
And between the sand and stone  
  
Could you make it on your own  
  
[chorus:]  
  
If I could, then I would  
  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  
Way up high or down low  
  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  
And maybe, I'll find out  
  
The way to make it back someday  
  
To watch you, to guide you  
  
Through the darkest of your days If the great wave shall fall  
  
It'd fall upon us all  
  
Well I hope there's someone out there  
  
Who can bring me back to you  
  
[chorus]  
  
Runaway with my heart  
  
Runaway with my hope  
  
Runaway with my love  
  
I know now, just quite how  
  
My life and love might still go on  
  
In your heart and your mind  
  
I'll stay with you for all of time  
  
[chorus]  
  
If I could turn back time  
  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  
If I could make you mine  
  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  
-Wherever You Will Go, The Calling  
  
*  
  
Gandalf lowered the shivering body from the horse, when it was too dark to travel. The moment it would be light enough to travel, he planned on riding again, thus being in Lothlorien no later than tomorrow night. If Estel could last that long.  
  
He wrapped the boy in his blanket as well as Estel's, doing all he could to keep the child warm. He went to refill their water flasks from the Anduin and set a small fire. He placed the back of his hand on Estel's forehead, who in return groaned and turned over. Gandalf frowned in concern. It has been a week since the boy fell from the horse, sick and all his attempts at bringing his fever down had failed. The only thing he could do at the time was tend to the injuries obtained from the fall, and try and keep the child warm. Estel came in and out of consciousness, and Gandalf was lucky if he managed to pour some water down his throat in the few times he seemed slightly aware. Food was out of the question, and Gandalf was worried Estel would not last long. They MUST reach Lorien as soon as possible.  
  
"G-Gandalf?" Came the slurred shivering voice. Gandalf stirred out of his dark thoughts and smiled at the child.  
  
"I am here, child."  
  
"I'm cold." Estel moaned, his eyes hazy and his head pounding.  
  
"I know," Gandalf sighed, as he lifted the boy and drew him closer to himself in order to share his body heat. He moved as close to the fire as he could safely, and picked up some fruit. "Try to eat this." He said gently, as he placed the food in Estel's dry mouth. Estel chewed the fruit for a long moment, before swallowing.  
  
"Good," Gandalf said smiling genuinely, a bit prematurely. Estel immediately turned to the side and vomited. "It's all right tithen nin," Gandalf assured him. [Little one]  
  
Estel grimaced. "Ada used to call me that when I was little." Gandalf's heart convulsed, thinking that Estel was STILL little, much too young to die. "Now he doesn't call me that anymore- only when I'm sick." Estel closed his eyes as the world spun around him. "Am I sick, Gandalf?"  
  
"Yes, you are," Gandalf answered truthfully.  
  
"I feel icky," Estel complained, not finding the strength to move.  
  
"We'll arrive in Lothlorien tomorrow, where there are healers who will make you better," Gandalf assured him, while he rubbed the small arms, trying to keep Estel warm. He prayed to the Valar that the healers will know what ails the child.  
  
"Lady Galadriel lives in Lorien," Estel whispered, as he leaned his head on Gandalf's chest.  
  
"Yes, she does." Gandalf tried to keep his tone light and warm, for the child's sake.  
  
"Tell me of her," Estel pleaded quietly, his voice raw and dry. Gandalf managed to get a few sips of water down his throat and he put the flask down for later.  
  
"What would you like to know?" Gandalf asked, petting the child's hair affectionately.  
  
"Everything," Estel said stubbornly. "Is she nice? Elladan and Elrohir tell me of her seldom, but she is their kin, I want to know what is she really like. Is she pretty? All elves are pretty, even though some are ugly inside... Is she pretty inside?"  
  
"What makes you say that there are ugly elves- inside?" Gandalf wondered curiously.  
  
"Don't tell Adar," Estel begged. Gandalf gazed down at him long and hard, before nodding his head.  
  
"I won't, you have my word."  
  
"Some of the elves are mean to me," Estel said in hushed tones, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"Mean to you? How so?" Gandalf asked evenly, though deep down he felt his blood boil.  
  
Estel fidgeted in Gandalf's lap. "They call me names and make fun of me, because I'm Edain."  
  
"Does this occur often?" Gandalf asked. "And why would you not want Lord Elrond to know?"  
  
"Because he'd get angry," Estel said sadly. "He doesn't like it when I get into fights with other elves. I think he gets mad that I cause him so much trouble- if he knew that other elves hated me, he might..." Estel went silent as a few tears passed his weak barriers and slid down his face. He wiped at them weakly and tried to reach for the flask of water. Gandalf saw and brought the flask to his lips.  
  
'Did the child think Elrond would cast him out, because he was an inconvenience?' Gandalf mused silently. 'Because narrow-minded elves hated him for no reason other than him being a mortal? Did he think he was at fault for their hatred?'  
  
"Those elves are at fault for their misguided anger, not you," Gandalf said softly. "If anyone could hate you, once they got to know you, simply because you are a mortal man, then they are not worth getting upset about."  
  
Estel said nothing, not quite knowing how to digest what was said through the fog in his mind. It was like swimming in soup, only not as tasteful. "Is she pretty on the inside?" He merely asked again, suddenly afraid of going there and intruding into his family's OTHER FAMILY, the one he did not belong with.  
  
"Yes, she is." Gandalf said. "Radiant, even. Her light shines so brightly, few can meet her gaze and all are drawn to it." He seemed to be remembering something and he softly sang:  
  
"In Dwimordene, in Lorien Seldom have walked the feet of Men, Few mortal eyes have seen the light That lies there ever, long and bright. Galadriel! Galadriel! Clear is the water of you well; White is the star in your white hand; Unmarred, unstained is leaf and land In Dwimordene, in Lorien More fair than thoughts of Mortal Men."  
  
Estel listen as the song washed over him and soothed his aching mind. "She sounds beautiful." He said, with a slight bitter edge to his tone. "Too beautiful for the eyes and thought of Mortal Men."  
  
"I fear you will never be simply a "Mortal Man", nor will you be an elf," Gandalf whispered silently, stroking the boy's face. "'Few mortal eyes have seen the light' and you shall be one of those- you are very special indeed."  
  
"What if she does not want me to see her light?" Estel asked worried, as words became less clear and he felt himself drawn to sleep.  
  
"You are her son in law's son," Gandalf said grinning. "You are family."  
  
Estel did not nor could he argue, at the state he was in. "I know songs too," he said sleepily.  
  
"I am sure you know many songs," Gandalf smiled, knowing Elrond probably taught him many songs during his lessons.  
  
"Do you want to hear it?" Estel asked eagerly, through shut eyelids, with a smile playing on his lips.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Sing hey! for the bath at close of day That washes the weary mud away! A loon is he that will not sing: O! Water Hot is a noble thing!  
  
O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain, and the brook that leaps from hill to plain..." [Estel tried to think of the rest. How did it go...] but better than rain or rippling streams is Water Hot that smokes and streams."  
  
Estel racked his brains for the rest, but couldn't remember another line. "I forgot the rest, there were two more verses..."  
  
"Did your mother teach you that song?" Gandalf asked surprised. It simply was not possible Elrond would have taught THAT particular song to him.  
  
"No- Rabbit Feet did!" Estel exclaimed, smiling tiredly. "Perhaps if my mother were to teach me that song when I was younger, I wouldn't have had a problem taking a bath." A sudden thought made him chuckle. "Do you think Ada will sing me the bath song?"  
  
Gandalf tried not to picture the esteem Lord Elrond singing a silly bath song, with his stern expression. However, he failed miserably and ended up laughing so hard it hurt. Gandalf cradled him close to his chest until the worst of it was over and all that was left was the occasional dry coughs.  
  
"Am I going to die?" Estel asked suddenly, his voice croaking and dry.  
  
"What a silly question," Gandalf bristled. "We ALL die eventually."  
  
"You know exactly what I mean," Estel remarked knowingly. He did not seem upset or angered at such a notion, but somewhat resigned.  
  
"And you are too clever for your own good," Gandalf sighed, feeling suddenly ages older. He finally understood what Elrond meant when he said the child caused him to age with concern. Elrond... What would he tell the father? He promised him he would look after Estel and keep him safe....  
  
"Gandalf?" Estel asked worriedly, when the Wizard did not answer.  
  
No, Estel," Gandalf said sternly, squeezing his shoulders tightly. "You are NOT going to die from this illness."  
  
"If I... Who will look after my mother?" Estel asked. "I'm not sure if she has anyone other than me, will she still live in Imladris?"  
  
"She will not need anyone to look after her, because you are NOT dying," Gandalf said, slightly irritated, his voice rising with conviction. "I promised Lord Elrond I would not let any harm come to you- and that is a promise I intend to keep." Estel seemed content with that answer as he made himself more comfortable on Gandalf's lap. "What are the last two verses," he asked, thinking hard. "It had something to do with the water... Cold water... Hot water.... Beer... Leaping water.... Splashing Hot Water with my feet..."  
  
"There is no need to get yourself worked up about it," Gandalf said with a faint smile. He glanced up at the sky. "You should get some sleep, we will be leaving soon."  
  
"But I want to be able to sing it to Rabbit Feet when he comes to visit," Estel complained.  
  
"You shouldn't call him that," Gandalf admonished, though he was smiling. "He HAS a name and that is Bilbo Baggins."  
  
"Every man gathers many names during his life", Estel grinned tiredly. "At least that is what I'm told."  
  
"You are a PAIN," Gandalf laughed silently.  
  
"And beside, EVERYONE else calls him "Bilbo Baggins", so it's not unique to call him that. However, I am the ONLY ONE who calls him Rabbit Feet." Estel smiled, as his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep. "He'll remember me that way...." Soon his breathing became even and shallow and Gandalf stared at the sky.  
  
"You're not that easy to forget," he whispered to the sleeping bundle. "And you have managed to burrow a place into an old Wizard's heart."  
  
*  
  
Gandalf sighed a sigh of relief as he finally reached Lothlorien, and not a minute too soon. He slowed the horse's pace and cringed inside, when he saw whom his welcoming comity was. Oh Valar, this was not going to be easy...  
  
"Well don't look TOO happy to see us!" Elladan chuckled.  
  
"What are you two doing here?" Gandalf asked, his hold on the bundle that was Estel, tightening.  
  
"We're here to help drive Sauron back," Elrohir said proudly.  
  
"Once it is decided, I assume?" Gandalf couldn't help a grin.  
  
"Of course," both twins grinned identical grins.  
  
"We'll take the horse off your hands now," Elrohir suggested, when Gandalf seemed glued to his spot. "We'll take it to the stables, the Council is waiting just for you, they're over there," he pointed in the direction.  
  
"And don't worry about Estel, we've spoken with Grandmother and she says she'd be delighted to have him..." Elladan frowned. "Where IS Estel?"  
  
Gandalf slowly got off his horse and placed the bundle in Elladan's surprised arms. "He is very ill and MUST see a healer at once." He urged. Elladan nodded, before disappearing quickly, gently carrying the bundle in his arms.  
  
"What is wrong with him?" Elrohir asked frightened.  
  
"I wish I knew," Gandalf admitted. "One minute he was fine, the next..." He shrugged.  
  
"You have to go now, Mithrandir," Elrohir said quietly. He whispered a few words in the horse's ear, and started to steer it in the direction of the stables. Gandalf stood there for a moment, watching Elrohir's retreating back, before he quickly walked to where the Council was.  
  
*  
  
"What is wrong with our brother?" Elladan asked the healer impatiently, as he checked Estel.  
  
"He has a fever, that much is obvious," the healer muttered, as he continued his examination. "He must have fallen from a small height, according to these bruises... Perhaps a low branch, he probably fell through branches and shrubbery... Do you see these scratches?"  
  
"We see them," Elrohir said slowly, trying to calm himself down. "But that does not explain why he is so ill."  
  
"The scratches seem to be around a week old," the healer went on. "But they are red and swollen, I think it got infected- and that would explain why he is so ill."  
  
"Can you treat it?" Elladan asked, relieved they found the cause of the illness.  
  
"I don't think it will be a problem," the healer nodded. "But we should first deal with his fever and stabilize his condition."  
  
"Just tell us what needs to be done," Elladan said quickly, eager to do something. "We have experience as healers, even though we are not as experienced as you are."  
  
"Alright, this is what I need you to get..."  
  
*  
  
Estel woke up groggily, his throat feeling like it had shards stuck in it. He slowly looked around and frowned, wondering where he was. Wherever he was, it sure was beautiful. After several attempts he managed to weakly stand up and take a better glance around. The last thing he remembered was a fire... He was talking to Gandalf... Gandalf assured him they were nearly there.... Hot Water? He shook his head and immediately regretted it, as his entire world spun. He leaned heavily on a tree trunk, until the worst of it was over.  
  
He must be in Lorien. Either that or he was dead.  
  
He saw something glint in the distance and he started to make his way across, moving slowly and dizzily. He smiled at his luck when he saw a basin and a phial of water near it. He poured the water into the basin and was about to drink from it, when he jumped back and fell on the ground. He slowly got up- he could not have seen what he saw, he must be hallucinating...  
  
He peered inside again and his eyes widened. He saw an Elf King, dungeons, barrels rolling on the river, a dragon, a jewel...  
  
"The shadow in Mirkwood ever grows deeper," a beautiful voice said. Estel felt drawn to this White Lady, for it seemed she was made purely from radiant light. "And to Dol Guldur evil things repair out of the dark places of the world; and they are united again under one will, and their malice is directed against the Elves and the survivors of the Numenor."  
  
"We have long debated the lore of the Rings," Elrond said gravely. "We have waited and watched long enough, we must drive Sauron from Dol Guldur, before it is too late."  
  
"It is not needed that the Ring should be found, for while it abides on earth and is not unmade, still the power that it holds will live, and Sauron will grow and have hope." Gandalf said, talking as if directly to someone Estel could not see.  
  
The image before him blurred and he shut his eyes, trying to clear the cobwebs. He opened them again.  
  
Gandalf continued. "The might of the Elves and the Elf-friends is less now than of old. Soon he will be too strong for you, even without the Great Ring; for he rules the Nine, and of the Seven he has recovered three. We must strike."  
  
'What is Gandalf talking about?' Estel wondered, feeling suddenly flustered. He wiped sweat from his forehead and leaned in more, not caring anymore that this was simply a hallucination. 'Or perhaps it is one of my dreams?'  
  
All members of this council turned their heads in the direction Gandalf kept looking at. Estel gasped, as he saw an old looking man with a long white beard and a crooked nose. What made him gasp, however, was the dark eyes, now focused straight at him. Estel felt as if those eyes were tearing through him and he struggled against the hold of those eyes.  
  
"I consent," the man said nodding. "We must attack Dol Guldur at once."  
  
Estel broke free of the gaze and fell back, lying sprawled on the ground.  
  
*  
  
"And not a moment too soon," Elrond muttered in Gandalf's ear, as the Council dispersed in order to prepare for departure.  
  
"Elrond," Gandalf said hesitantly. "About Estel-"  
  
"I've spoken with Galadriel," Elrond said, walking hurriedly. "Estel is welcomed to stay as long as he wants."  
  
"That is not-"  
  
"You probably think I should not punish him for this little 'adventure' of his," Elrond sighed. "Honestly Mithrandir, I am at my wits' end with the child. You know I loathe to apply physical punishment, but he simply-"  
  
"Estel is sick!" Gandalf said suddenly, startling a few elves.  
  
"What?" Elrond asked concerned. "What happened? Where is he?"  
  
"I do not know what happened," Gandalf said in a bitter tone. "As for his whereabouts, you will have to ask your sons..." They both heard soft running footsteps.  
  
"Adar!"  
  
Elrond turned with raised eyebrows to address his panting son. "What is it, Elrohir?"  
  
"It's Estel- he fell ill. Again."  
  
"Lead me to him," Elrond said, as the three made their way in the forest.  
  
"Thank the Valar you are here!" Elladan said, when he saw them coming. "I went for just a moment to get some herbs and when I returned I found him lying next to Grandmother's Mirror, worse than he was before."  
  
"I don't understand it," the healer bristled. "He was on the mend..."  
  
"Let me have a look at him," Elrond said, kneeling next to his son.  
  
"Of course, Lord Elrond," the healer said, taking a step back.  
  
"Elrond," Galadriel walked over. "We must leave at once."  
  
"I know," Elrond said aguishly. "But this is my son!"  
  
"I will say you had some final preparations to attend to," Galadriel said, eyeing the child sadly. "Mithrandir?" Gandalf nodded and followed Galadriel. Before she was out of earshot, she turned around and said with difficulty. "Elrond...You cannot linger too long."  
  
Elrond continued to study Estel's injuries. He sat there for quite some time, running through known symptoms of illnesses, but he came up blank. Everything seemed to point to an infection, but with the treatment the healer gave him, Estel should have started to improve. Instead he seemed to worsen.  
  
"Elrond, it is time." Gandalf said quietly. "We have delayed our departure too long."  
  
"I promised his mother no harm will come to him. How can I leave him like this?" Elrond asked numbly. "How can I leave my youngest sick and alone- what if he..." He swallowed and turned to Gandalf, the look in his eyes reflecting the torment inside. "How can I leave him alone to die?"  
  
Gandalf had no answer and so he remained silent. The twins stood nearby, watching quietly over their younger brother.  
  
"We have to leave," Elrohir said at last. "If we do not drive Sauron back..."  
  
"Why did this have to happen to you?" Elrond asked Estel gently, smiling morosely at the still form. "You seem to always be accident-prone and unable to stay out of trees..."  
  
"Trees?" Gandalf asked, perplexed.  
  
"He fell out of a tree, did he not?" Elrond asked. "That is what the healer told me."  
  
"Nay, he fell off the horse," Gandalf said, stepping forward.  
  
"Then where did he receive these scratches?" Elrond asked, indicating the angry scratches on Estel's arms and abdominal.  
  
"A few days before," Gandalf said, trying to remember. "On the Old Forest Road- I think he managed to get himself tangled in some bushes."  
  
"When did you first notice he was ill?" Elrond asked, suddenly aroused. The twins frowned but remained quiet.  
  
"He only fell from the horse once we reached the Anduin," Gandalf said, thinking. "But he has been tired and thirsty for several days prior. I simply assumed the journey was proving too taxing."  
  
"The Old Forest Road..." Elrond muttered, going through his medicine.  
  
"What is it?" Elladan asked, when he could not stand it any longer.  
  
"There are several poisonous bushes and plants there," Elrond said, as he quickly set out to work. "The poison must have been in small quantity, otherwise he would be dead by now. But we must draw it out quickly." He gave instructions to the twins and called for the healer.  
  
"I know what ails him." He said hurriedly, as he explained his theory. "The medicine you gave him for the inflammation may have hastened the poison."  
  
The healer started, before replying. "I did not... How could I have been so wrong?"  
  
"It is a common mistake," Elrond reassured him. "I would have come to the same conclusion as you, had Gandalf not told me the scratches were not from the fall."  
  
As the four of them set out to work, Gandalf sent word to bring their horses here, and that they would leave momentarily. He returned to the four healers and helped as he could.  
  
"I am glad I brought my medicines with me." Elrond said tiredly. "I doubt they would keep this specific root here in Lorien, it is very rare and barely used." They finished their initial treatment and Elrond instructed the healer PRECISELY what needs to be done.  
  
"Now we really must leave," Gandalf said quietly. "Though my heart now leaves lighter."  
  
"The medicine works, that is to be sure," Elrond said gravely, as they all mounted their horses. "But he received the medicine with quite a delay..." He glanced at the twins before setting out. "I just hope it isn't too late."  
  
*END PART 12*  
  
Author's note: Hey! Took me a while, but I'm back with some Estel angst! Throw in some Elrond angst and there's plenty more angst to go around! But worry not, the end is near and some cuddling family moments, Gandalf confronting Elrond regarding Estel's doubts, and Estel meeting Legolas for the first time! I think I might write it in two shortish chapters.  
  
Gandalf's song is from "The Two Towers" and Bilbo's Bath song is from "The Fellowship of the Ring". Some of the things said in the White Council were from "The Silmarillion" and unfortunately they don't delve much into the White Council.  
  
Does anyone know why fanfiction.net does not let me show Itallic or Bold?  
  
leggylover03- Poor Estel, he really has so many doubts about people loving him... Yup, lots of angst, but it'll get warmer soon! Update sooner? What exactly does THAT mean? LOL, sooner than what? Don't worry, I plan to wrap this all up soon, and I have a bit of vacation coming up in a week...  
  
Mysterious Jedi- I'm going and not stopping till I finish this.  
  
grumpy- You are absolutely my favorite reviewer. *grins* Poor Elrond, having to deal with a three year old Estel... I'm glad the questions and answers worked, that was one of my biggest fears in the chapter. Oh and thank Galahan for the location, always nice to have someone who can help you with maps AND you can blame later if it doesn't work! ;)  
  
HobbitsRFun- I really feel for Estel and his insecurities, and don't worry, I plan to deal with the issue of him and Elrond! Not much of a big reunion, considering Estel was unconscious, but don't worry, it will come next chapter!  
  
Galahan- Yes, I think you're rubbing off on me, if I'm lucky! I need to work on my sense of humor! I'm so glad you approve of Gandalf, I tried to make him amusing and as you said- right. Writing characters of others is always difficult, especially one like Gandalf! Stern, quirky, funny and in a way intimidating! Estel holding his breath until he turned blue.... What WAS he thinking? LOL.  
  
Ivy 


	13. Father and Son

"Father oh father You give me just a little hope I feel something out there reaching for me Well here i am Won't you take me with you Out of this maze And away from this place  
  
Because it gets so cold and lonely here I'll do anything To sit on a little rock with you Talk about the scheme of things On a small rock with you  
  
Show me show me show me the way Before they grind me down And bleach me grey Send me power not to be afraid And when i close my eyes Let me see you once in the light  
  
Father oh father Heal me if you can Is it true what they say That life is a dream"- Father, Cat Stevens  
  
This song just sounded like such a future song about Elrond and Estel, I had to post it:  
  
"it's not time to make a change just relax, take it easy you're still young, that's your fault there's so much you have to know find a girl, settle down if you want you can marry look at me, i am old but i'm happy  
  
i was once like you are now and i know that it's not easy to be calm when you've found something going on but take your time, think a lot think of everything you've got for you will still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not  
  
how can i try to explain when i do he turns away again and it's always been the same, same old story from the moment i could talk i was ordered to listen  
  
now there's a way and i know that i have to go away i know i have to go  
  
it's not time to make a change just sit down and take it slowly you're still young that's your fault there's so much you have to go through find a girl, settle down if you want you can marry look at me, i am old but i'm happy  
  
all the times that i've cried keeping all the things i know inside and it's hard, but it's harder to ignore it if they were right i'd agree but it's them they know not me now there's a way and i know that i have to go away i know i have to go"- Father And Son, Boyzone  
  
**********  
  
Elrond stopped his horse before they entered the borders of Lothlorien. Galadriel slowed down and turned around, facing him.  
  
"Elrond?"  
  
"I dare not enter," he whispered, his eyes set ahead.  
  
"It has only been four days," Elladan replied gently, squeezing his father's hand. "You found what ailed him-"  
  
"What if I was too late?" Elrond asked quietly, his voice betraying his distress. "What if his condition changed, and the healers had not the knowledge to heal him? I should have stayed-"  
  
"You couldn't stay," Elrohir reminded him, bringing his horse near to his father and brother's. "You did all you could in the time you had."  
  
"Stop talking about him as if he is dead," Elladan said harshly. "He is NOT dead, if he.... We would have known!" Elladan almost yelled desperately. "He is alright- he is probably getting himself in trouble as we speak and laughing at how worried we are."  
  
Elrond tried to smile, but it was useless. "He has to be well, if anything happened to him, I'd-I'd...." Elrohir and Elladan both embraced their father fiercely, clinging to each other for support.  
  
"My Lords!" Haldir came to greet them, once he was told they were not entering Lorien. "Mae Govannen." [Welcome]  
  
"It is good to return, Haldir," Celeborn replied in kind. "Is all well?"  
  
"Please, Haldir," Elrond spoke finally. "Tell me- how is my son?"  
  
"He..." Haldir paused for the shortest of moments, trying best to phrase it and immediately everyone assumed the worse. A single tear sled down Elrond cheek and he buried his face in his hands. Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other speechless, a chilling numbness taking over them. Celeborn and Galadriel remained quiet, allowing the child's family some time for themselves. Glorfindell shook his head stubbornly.  
  
"No," Glorfindel said angrily. "It cannot be!"  
  
"What cannot be?"  
  
All heads turned and stared at the curious young boy who came bouncing by and frowning at them.  
  
"Estel!" Elrond said, relief washing over his grief, as he jumped down from his horse.  
  
Estel grinned. "Ada!" He said joyously and ran into his father's open arms. "I missed you so much!" They both remained that way for a while, both content to simply hug each other, before Elladan cleared his throat.  
  
"Adar, if you embrace him any harder you will choke him to death!"  
  
Elrond laughed and released his youngest, breathing in his features like a fresh spring breeze. "Oh Hen nin- I was so worried!" He said and hugged his son once again, before finally allowing his son to reunite with his brothers. [My Child]  
  
"Elladan, Elrohir!" Estel cried and threw his arms around their necks. "I have so much to tell you! You wouldn't believe what happened to me: I was caught in a fire up on a tree, and I flew on the back of the King of the Eagles (we simply MUST convince father to let us have one as a pet!), there were goblins and Wargs, I met Beorn- who is a really large bear-man and I killed goblins and tracked and-"  
  
Elrohir placed the back of his palm across his brother's forehead. "He does not seem to have a fever."  
  
"It is true!" Estel insisted. "Ask Gandalf!" He looked around for a moment. "Where IS he?"  
  
The elves looked from one to the other. "Gandalf..." Elrond said hesitantly. "Gandalf had pressing business to attend to."  
  
Estel nearly groaned, wondering why the adults seem to say that a lot lately. A sudden shudder ran through his body. "He went to fight in the battle, didn't he?" He didn't wait for an answer, simply sighed heavily. "At least I warned him, he knows to be careful..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Elrond asked confused.  
  
"I'm afraid I am not at liberty to say," Estel replied cheekily, smiling toothily at his father. Let's see how they like a taste of their own medicine.  
  
Elrond cuffed him on the head. "You are growing too impertinent for your own good."  
  
"Ouch!" Estel cried in mock pain. "Have you no mercy for your youngest -and very sick- child?"  
  
"You seem well enough," Elrond commented, though he did look Estel over with a critical eye. "But you are right, you shouldn't be running around so much, at least for a few more days."  
  
"Thank the Valar!" Haldir said under his breath, drawing the tight family's attention to the fact they were not alone.  
  
"Forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my manners," Elrond said embarrassed. "Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel, this is my youngest son, Estel."  
  
"It is a pleasure to meet you," Galadriel smiled kindly. "We have heard so much about you."  
  
Estel was very impolitely gaping at Galadriel. "It is an honor to meet you... I saw you in my dream- Gandalf was right, you do shine."  
  
"Thank you," Galadriel said stunned. "You saw me in a dream of yours?"  
  
Estel nodded. "I was thirsty and I went to drink from this water basin in my dream, at least I think it was a dream. And I saw people in the water! You were there, and I recognized Lord Celeborn, Ada, Gandalf, Glorfindel. There were other elves as well and a really mean old man... You were discussing an attack and a ring..." Estel failed to notice the look that passed between the elves.  
  
"You saw all this..." Galadriel said slowly. "In a water basin?"  
  
Estel yawned tiredly and nodded his head. Elrond noticed this and said: "I believe we should all go and rest." He looked up at the sky and smirked. "And perhaps it would be best to enter Lorien BEFORE nightfall."  
  
The others chuckled and entered the woods, their spirits lighter than they have been for quite some time. Elrond turned to Haldir. "Why did you pause, earlier, when I asked you how my son fares?"  
  
Haldir glanced at Estel, before answering. "Your son, Lord Elrond, is... Quite a handful. I was merely trying to express it in words- he is... Very unique," Haldir grimaced slightly.  
  
"I hope he hasn't been too much trouble," Elrond glanced down meaningfully at his son. Estel smiled his most innocent smile.  
  
"No, not at all," Haldir smiled cynically. "And I am sure Rumil's hair will grow back... Eventually."  
  
* Elrond tucked Estel in to bed and checked him over once more. Estel was, thankfully, on the way to a full recovery. However, due to the fact that his illness was so severe and prolonged, he would need several days to return to his full strength. Elrond brushed several strands of hair from his son's face and smirked to himself: Estel's hair was very difficult to tame...  
  
"I thought I would find you here," Galadriel said amiably, as she joined Elrond. Elrond immediately drew back a bit, as though ashamed he was caught off guard.  
  
"Galadriel," he nodded his head. There was a moment of awkward silence between them, as they simply watched over the sleeping child. Galadriel studied him carefully, since he was one of the few Edain she ever met. His face was so young, peaceful and innocent that it hurt her heart to look at him. His little fingers were curled and grasped the blanket tighter. His nails were dirty, as was his hair- that tangled mane that demanded a comb. And those eyes! Such deep and emotional grey eyes that seemed to both search your soul as well as reveal his own.  
  
"What a beautiful child," Galadriel mused to herself. "If Celebrian were here, she would love him as her own."  
  
"He already has a mother," Elrond countered, finally tearing his gaze from his son. "He cannot have two mothers." The mere mention of his wife's name sent him into a torrid of emotions that he did not want to address. Was taking Estel into his heart and home dishonoring his wife's memory? It was a ridiculous thought, and yet he could not seem to look at Estel at the moment.  
  
""There is no reason or logic in love. Love is not a matter of the mind, but of the heart," Galadriel replied. "You cannot control who you love, any more than you can control the seasons' changes." She studied Elrond with that piercing gaze of hers.  
  
He always felt like such a youngling when she searched his eyes, but over time he managed to hold her gaze and not let his discomfort show. He knew she somehow blamed him for her daughter's departure, though she would never admit to it. It was only fitting that his own daughter decided to live in Lorien now, in a way taking her mother's place. After this short vigil he needs to go and visit with Arwen, at least for a short time, he hadn't seen her for some time now...  
  
"For example," Galadriel cut into his musings. "I have only known this child for a few hours, and yet already I am drawn to him and feel I must protect him." She stroke Estel's hair gently and smiled warmly down at him. "And I love him as well, as my own kin, I dare say as a grandson." She smiled benignly at Elrond's surprised visage, before her smile thinned. "Besides, a child can never have TOO much love in his life, and I foresee this child will have a long and hard one, he should at least have boundless love."  
  
"Why do I have the feeling you are trying to imply something?" Elrond sighed, knowing when Galadriel was about to lecture him.  
  
"Why did you draw back from the child, when I arrived?" She asked pointedly, gliding away from the bed and towards Elrond. However, she did not give him long to reply. "Are you ashamed of him, Lord Elrond?"  
  
"Of course not," Elrond said quickly. He risked a gaze at his sleeping son, before returning his attention to Galadriel. "I will never feel anything but pride towards Estel, never." He said emphatically.  
  
"Then are you ashamed of your love for him?"  
  
Elrond mouth went dry as he hesitated, before replying: "No." He downcast his eyes and went about going through his herbs and medicines and checking which ones he would need for Estel.  
  
"SHE would have wanted you to open your heart again," Galadriel said knowingly, not needing to say her name. "You feel you must be punished by depriving yourself of his love and loving him, but you do not realize you are harming him as well." She was standing right in front of him, her eyes leveled with his, silently begging him to see that which is obvious to her.  
  
"I DO love him," Elrond argued, not quite feeling comfortable being analyzed by his wife's mother. "I have loved him since the moment he was brought to Imladris."  
  
"But you stop yourself from loving him completely," Galadriel countered gravely. "Why is that, Elrond?"  
  
Elrond could not answer her, nor was he inclined to do so, and so he simply dropped his gaze and finished with his medicines. "I think I shall go see Arwen now," he excused himself quietly, before a half smirk appeared on his weatherworn face. "Before she and the twins terrorize Lorien."  
  
Galadriel watched his receding back worriedly. She knew Elrond would not admit it to himself, nor to others, but he was distancing himself from Estel. If she could tell that much from seeing him tend to his son for a few minutes, she did not want to guess what it must really be like for Estel, as well as for Elrond. She walked over to the sleeping child in question, so unaware of any pain or sadness and her heart went out for him. She made up her mind that while he was in her borders she would try and make up for Elrond's lack of love, by loving and caring and spoiling this child rotten. He deserved that much and more.  
  
*  
  
"Estel! Elladan! Elrohir!" Elrond yelled out for his juvenile sons. Last he heard of them, they were off playing pranks on Haldir and his brothers. He was not sure he heard correctly, but recent rumor suggested something involving toads and other reptiles shoved into one's bed. Elrond shook his head, wondering if the twins would never grow up, and it seemed they were an equally bad influence on Estel as well.  
  
He thanked the Valar Arwen (for the most part) did not come out as rebellious, and seemed quite obedient and respectful. When she was away from her brothers' influence, of course. Perhaps living in Lorien was indeed for her own good, since it was not for his. His heart tore inside every time they parted, and he couldn't help but feel she left because she could not stand his presence. Had he managed to heal Celebrian's both body and soul...  
  
"Yes, Adar- you bellowed?" Elladan asked smiling amiably, as he materialized in front of his father. Elrohir was soon to follow and Estel was close behind panting slightly.  
  
"Where have you been, I've been searching for you for well over an hour." Elrond admonished and was more than a little concerned over his Estel's sudden quickness of breath. "Are you alright, Ion Nin?"  
  
"Yes, Ada." Estel managed, while he worked on slowing his heart race. "We were simply racing."  
  
"Oh?" Elrond asked confused. Elladan and Elrohir don't tend to race with Estel, since elves are much faster and lighter on their feet than men. "WHY exactly WERE you racing?" He asked suspiciously. All three bowed their heads and Elrond's suspicion was confirmed. "WHAT did you do THIS time?"  
  
"We didn't do anything!" Elladan said, a little too indignantly.  
  
Elrond nodded and stared at Elrohir with one of his famous glares, that could make great and noble elves quiver.  
  
"We may have pushed Orophin into the River," Elrohir gulped at last. Elladan shot him a glare. "You try standing down one of those looks!" Elrohir defended himself.  
  
"Estel? Do you have anything to add?" Elrond crossed his arms, trying to look as authorities as possible. Estel shuffled his feet.  
  
"We may have also stolen his clothes, when he was about to wash in the River," Estel admitted, studying the ground with great interest. Any lecture he was about to make was cut short, when Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel arrived, shooting amused looks at the brothers.  
  
"I hear Orophin's clothes have suddenly vanished." Celeborn said in mock seriousness. "I suppose you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?"  
  
"No," all three said in unison, looking as innocent as possible.  
  
"That is what I thought," Celeborn chuckled.  
  
"It is not a matter for levity," Elrond warned sternly. "And you are merely encouraging them to continue with such folly."  
  
"I dare say they will continue with this folly whether I encourage it or not," Celeborn smiled.  
  
"Be that as it may, they will be out of your way soon." Elrond said and turned to his sons. "Go and pack your things, we will leave within the hour."  
  
"I think Haldir will sleep more peacefully tonight." Galadriel laughed. Elladan and Elrohir couldn't help the small smile that tugged at their lips.  
  
"Must we go?" Estel whined. He was only there for a total of five days, not a long enough time to spend in such a place. He was having so much fun with Elladan and Elrohir and he loved Lady Galadriel and Celeborn- they were so kind to him... The other Elves in Rivendell weren't as kind and he was in no hurry to return to them and their scorn.  
  
"I'm afraid we must," Elrond nodded, wondering why Estel looked so crestfallen. Elladan and Elrohir quickly said goodbye to their grandparents and promised to visit soon, before hurrying off to pack. Estel looked nervously as Galadriel and Celeborn, not knowing what to say or do. Galadriel, noting his discomfort, walked towards him and crouched down in front of his until their eyes were eye level.  
  
"I shall miss you dearly, Little One," Galadriel smiled at him brilliantly.  
  
"I'll miss you too, my Lady," Estel replied politely, trying to keep his voice from quivering.  
  
"If it is alright with you, I would prefer it if you called me 'grandmother'," Galadriel offered boldly.  
  
Estel's eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"  
  
"Really," Galadriel laughed and Estel threw his arms around her neck affectionately. Elrond watched with quiet fascination the scene that unfolded in front of his very eyes, not understanding what reason Galadriel had to make such a statement. 'There is no reason in love', isn't that what Galadriel told him several nights ago?  
  
"I love you... Grandmother," Estel smiled at the foreign term, deeming it appropriate. He glanced at Celeborn, who nodded his consent. "And you too, Grandfather."  
  
"We love you as well, Estel," Galadriel stated firmly, though her eyes now were set on Elrond. "With all my heart."  
  
Elrond cringed inside at that criticism, but remained cold and impassive on the outside. He said goodbye to his in-laws, and went with Estel to pack for their long ride home.  
  
*END PART 13*  
  
Author's note:  
  
Sorry this came out so short, the next two will probably be short as well. I think there are about two more chapters to go. What's in store: Estel telling Elrond he knows the truth, Gandalf confronting Elrond, Bilbo's visit (prepare for a little angst ahead) and Legolas' visit.  
  
leggylover03- one of my favorite three reviewers (who all three reviewed this chapter! LOL). You don't know what it means to me to hear that someone loves the story and specific chapters! We had a taste of Elrond angst, prepare for some more Elrond/Estel father/son angst coming up!  
  
HobbitsRFun- *Grins* I feel so much love for this story and Estel that it is heartwarming! Elrond unfortunately HAD to leave, there was great evil that needed to be driven away and compared to one human's life, the decision seems obvious. But it wasn't easy for him and he probably cursed himself every second and thought about Estel all the time! Oh yeah, lots of angst, guilt and tearful reunions!  
  
grumpy- This story is one of your favorites? I'm humbled. I should be so lucky to have snow, here we get snow once every two years or so, and it's never that deep! But we do miss school when it happens, so yay! How can one hate snow? I'd have to say Estel's insecurities are probably from both being adopted and being the only humans among elves, that is why he is such an interesting character to explore.(REALLY wish the movies would have had the twins, or at least some father/son moment between Elrond and Aragorn- and why weren't Aragorn and Arwen there to say goodbye? It IS her father!) Oh yes, Estel is a cute boy, otherwise he'd be annoying, and the image of Elrond singing the bath song is now firmly imprinted in my mind! LOL. 


	14. gathering strength

"Good night, then; sleep to gather strength for the morning, for the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, the kindly, on all who suffer for the cause, and gloriously upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn." - Winston Churchill  
  
***~~~~****  
  
Gilraen stood on the bridge in Rivendell, staring at her reflection. She could barely recognized the warn and tired looking woman staring back at her. She was still young, especially considering her bloodline, but she seemed so old...  
  
Glorfindel returned several days ago and told her Estel was fine and well and healing from a small and inconsequential illness. She knew he was lying through his teeth to spare her feelings. Estel must have been seriously ill, which was why they were staying in Lorien and not returning. Elrond promised her no harm would come to her son, and she believed him, but they were forces beyond even his control. Something deep down told her that her Estel will never be truly safe in his life, being the Heir of Isildur and all. It was no secret that Sauron searched for any surviving heirs, and she shuddered to think of what would happen if he found him...  
  
"Mommy!"  
  
The voice brought her out of her reverie and her head snapped up, tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed a sob and gazed lovingly at her only child, memorizing every part and expression of his. Right now he was running towards her, stopped several feet from her and shuffling his feet adorably, and lowering his head. She was confused momentarily, her heart still racing and not believing he was really here, really home, with her. She realized he thought he had upset her or warranted her anger and she quickly pulled him to her chest in a tight embrace.  
  
"Oh, my child." Gilraen cried freely, her fingers curling around his hair, clutching on for dear life. He seemed in one piece and cleaner than normal- Elrond's doing no doubt. "Let me have a good look at you," she smiled, as she held him at arm's length. She inspected him carefully, searching for any sign of injury or malice, but found none.  
  
"I washed behind my ears," Estel said half proudly-half moaning, his eyes venturing to where Elrond stood at a safe distance. This little statement was enough to send her into another fit of tears, holding him close to her and vowing to never let him leave her sight again.  
  
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Estel asked petrified and stiff as a rock, as his mother kept sobbing and nearly choking him. He glanced worriedly at his father, seeking answers. Elrond could not speak, all he could do is watch this strong and proud woman whom he had come to admire and respect, breaking down in front of his eyes. And yet, somehow, he wished he could be that courageous.  
  
"Nothing, nothing is wrong." She reassured him, laughing with relief. "I just missed you so very much."  
  
Estel nodded gravely, understanding. "I missed you too." He wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I love you."  
  
"I love you more than life itself," Gilraen said with a smile on her face, but her eyes betrayed her. Elrond was the only one who seemed to notice that look of desperation and melancholy and utter loneliness. He wondered how long Lady Gilraen was harboring these emotions, but it was not his place to ask. He turned to leave and make sure the twins did not get into too much trouble, when Gilraen's shaky voice stopped him.  
  
"Lord Elrond?"  
  
Elrond turned to the distraught mother. He did not want to be here, to interfere and get in the way of Estel and his true parent. He felt like he was intruding in a private moment and it made him feel uncomfortable. Her eyes were beseeching and nervous, and she swallowed several times before straightening up, holding one of Estel's hands and said:  
  
"Walk with us?"  
  
Elrond's heart contracted at that simple request, that seemed to fill him with endless joy. It was silly, but to have Gilraen accept him as an equal in the parenting of Estel, stilled his doubts. He nodded his head and smiled down at his son, taking his other hand. "It would give me great joy."  
  
Estel looked up at his mother, then at his father and grinned widely. He was home, he was with his family and he seemed to get away without punishment!  
  
"We will discuss your proper punishment after dinner is served." Elrond added dryly, bursting any hopes Estel might have had. "It seems grounding you is not enough anymore, we might have to get... Creative with our punishments." Elrond glanced down at him with an ironic smile. Estel gulped, and looked to his mother for salvation, but found only a mirrored expression of a sardonic smile.  
  
He was doomed.  
  
*  
  
MAY 1  
  
Estel wiped the sweat from his forehead and continued scrubbing the floor of the hall. Yesterday the twins purposely managed to drop their glasses of wine and meals on the floor, so that Estel would be forced to clean it up. Even though it was only retribution for the itching powder he smeared on their shirts, he was still angry with them. He was forced to help cook, clean and anything else needed around the great house- now he REALLY wished he had pet servants...  
  
He saw several elves running around and singing and his curiosity got the better of him. He abandoned his task and hurried outside to see what the fuss was all about. What he saw made him forget about his revenge on the twins and any ill feelings he may have had in general.  
  
There, amongst the singing elves, were Bilbo and Gandalf.  
  
"Gandalf! Rabbit Feet!" Estel cried, running to them. He jumped up and hugged Gandalf, latching onto his neck and not caring about the fact that he was covered in filth from cleaning. Gandalf didn't seem to mind as well, for he hugged him back tightly and sighed.  
  
"Dear, dear child- it weighed heavily on my heart to leave you like that, but I had-"  
  
"Your arm!" Estel exclaimed, noticing for the first time the sling around Gandalf's arm. "You're hurt!"  
  
"Yes, but not dead," Gandalf said smiling. "You were right, you know- about the Warg. I was lucky I had my own little protector warning me of the danger." His eyes twinkled at him and Estel blushed at the compliment.  
  
"You missed my birthday," Estel said matter of factly. He was saddened when Gandalf didn't show up that day, with his fireworks and magic in tow. Elrond couldn't tell him when Gandalf would return and so he simply gave up on the wish. Now, after two months or so, Gandalf showed up out of the blue, it was indeed a pleasant surprise and a marvelous belated birthday gift!  
  
"Indeed, I have." Gandalf said gravely. "I think I will break out my finest fireworks tonight, in honor of that happy occasion and ask sincerely for your forgiveness."  
  
Estel thought about it for a moment. "Only if you tell me everything that happened to you!"  
  
"It's a deal." Gandalf put the boy down. Estel turned to Bilbo and smiled amiably at him.  
  
"You look fatter." Estel proclaimed innocently, pretending to scrutinize the Hobbit carefully.  
  
"And you look denser in the head." Bilbo said seriously, before breaking out in a smile. "Oh come here already!" Estel grinned and hugged the hobbit. "You-you annoying child!"  
  
"I remember the bath song you taught me, sort of." Estel said, puffing his chest. "And Father taught me this song about the fall of Gil-galad, would you like to hear it?"  
  
"Nothing would give me more pleasure," Bilbo smiled down at him and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Yet, now I'm weary and would prefer to rest and wash before supper time."  
  
"I'll take you!" Estel said quickly. "I know all the good rooms here, when I was little I'd explore them all, and hide from my brothers." He turned suddenly to Gandalf and said excitedly. "I have grandparents now!"  
  
"You do?" Gandalf asked slightly surprised.  
  
"Yes! Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn adopted me as their grandchild!" Estel said smiling brightly. "And I'm welcomed to Lorien any time, only I have to be careful about Haldir, because he doesn't like me very much..."  
  
"I wonder what could cause that." Gandalf said cynically, eyeing Estel intently.  
  
"We may have played a few pranks on him and his brothers." Estel admitted. "But they are so serious all the time! They asked for it, honestly, they did!" He added defensively, as the three walked through the halls. "And most of it was the twins' doing anyway and they played a prank on us as retaliation, but it didn't work and instead father couldn't get the lice out of his hair for a whole WEEK...!"  
  
* "Estel?" "Estel!" "ESTEL?!"  
  
Estel didn't move, he just kept sitting up in the tree, hoping they couldn't find him. Maybe if he sat still and quiet enough they would simply leave him alone. That's all he wanted right now- his mind was a jumble and his heart ached and he didn't know what to think or feel.  
  
But he did know he wanted to be left alone.  
  
He heard a rustling sound directly underneath him and knew they must have spotted him. Even if his brothers didn't know where to search for him, they had keen senses and were bound to see him or hear his silent sobs.  
  
"Go away," he whispered loud enough for them to hear. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged nervous glances, before they continued to climb to where he was. Elladan crawled on the thin branch and sat beside Estel. Elrohir crept up behind, a bit more hesitant and sat on Estel's other side. Estel lowered his head and tried to turn away.  
  
"Estel," Elladan said, and seemed at a loss for words. "Do you... Are you alright?"  
  
Estel laughed a hollow laugh and stared at his brother with cold red- rimmed eyes. He felt tears stinging his eyes, and he quickly brushed them away. "I'll be fine."  
  
"But you are not fine now," Elrohir observed. "Brother, speak with us."  
  
Estel swallowed audibly. He felt his heart stuck in his throat and wondered how long it could last so far from where it should be. "It hurts." Elladan and Elrohir both wrapped their arms around their younger brother, holding him tightly.  
  
They sat there silently, holding his tear-racked body, not quite knowing what to say. They were Elves, and they almost never dealt with death- the last time someone they cared about died was when Arathorn was killed, but they have dealt with loss...  
  
"I know it hurts," Elladan said. "I remember when our mother went away. I felt so much pain and confusion..." His heart contracted at the memory, but he knew he had to relive it, for Estel's sake.  
  
"I remember being mad." Elrohir admitted quietly. Both set of eyes were upon him and he ducked his head. "I was angry at her for leaving me- for leaving us. I would watch the effect it had on our family- especially our father- and there were times when I felt I hated her."  
  
"But she's your mother!" Estel said shocked.  
  
"I know," Elrohir said in self reproach. "But I suppose I needed someone to blame, someone to take my anger and pain out on- and she was conveniently not there."  
  
"But Thorin was not a relative of mine," Estel argued. "I didn't know him- not REALLY... I shouldn't be... Should I?" He looked up at them, the questions etched on his forehead.  
  
"You cared for him, you should not be ashamed of that," Elladan argued, squeezing his shoulder. "You should rejoice in those moments you shared together."  
  
"They weren't joyous moments," Estel muttered darkly. "I made him miserable, he was always mad at me for something."  
  
"Gandalf told us Thorin was the happiest he has ever seen him- when he was with you." Elrohir stated with a smile. "Something about a big water fight." Estel couldn't help but smile to his brothers' delight.  
  
"I bet that's what did it," Elrohir continued playfully. Estel glanced at him curiously. "Your smile- when you were younger it could quiet our father's wrath- not an easy feat at all. "Your smile warms our hearts- I would hate to see it disappear forever."  
  
Estel did not say anything for a while, content to simply sit there with them. "You would have liked them."  
  
"Who?" Elladan asked puzzled.  
  
"Fili and Kili- they were brothers," Estel smiled as he remembered. "They were quite the talk of the town, always getting into trouble-"  
  
"The very opposite of us," Elladan said in mock indignation.  
  
Estel grinned, but soon sobered. "I should have spent more time with them. At first no one would spend any time with me, but they did. They knew what it was like to be the youngest and to be ignored. Then Gloin started teaching me about how to make a fire and Gandalf taught me about tracking- I don't think we've really spoken to each other since those first few nights..." Estel shook his head, as he felt a new rush of emotions engulfing him. "I should have spent more time with them!"  
  
Elladan pulled the child to his chest and rocked him gently, whispering nonsense in his ear, trying to sooth him. Elrohir watched his brothers, when a sudden dread gnawed at his heart:  
  
What will they do when Estel dies?  
  
He knew Estel still had years in front of him, but in the eyes of an elf it is nothing. They would stay young as their younger brother aged and withered and eventually died- if battle doesn't kill him first. How would they go on without him? Surely they would die of a broken heart? Would they sail to the Valar first, so that they would not have to witness his death? Could he really leave Estel all by himself here, without protection and family?  
  
Elrohir's mind was racing with questions, but at the moment he had to be strong, for Estel's sake. He put on a brave smile and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, running his other hand through his hair as they tried to calm him down. He knew it would be a while before Estel was back to his old self again, death does take its toll on the living.  
  
The three brothers stayed up on the branch until the sun set. They did not speak for long hours at a time, for what could one say? When the sun set and Estel calmed down a bit, his breath hitching in sudden hiccups, they climbed down the tree to attend supper. It would do Estel good to be surrounded by family and friends, if only to make him smile once again.  
  
*  
  
"Lord Elrond, a word if you may?" Gandalf asked Elrond quietly, when he and Bilbo made to leave a week later. Elrond nodded his head and lead Gandalf down the hall, to his study. Gandalf hesitated and said: "Let us talk outside in the garden, it is a beautiful day."  
  
Elrond was slightly taken aback by this, but he hid it well, and seeing no reason why they shouldn't, followed Gandalf outside. Once they were outside in the garden Gandalf sat down heavily on a bench and admired his surroundings. Sometimes he would forget how beautiful the Last Homely House truly was. It were as if nature itself was at peace here: The water, the trees, the flowers, the animals, all were- for lack of a better word- perfect.  
  
"You wished to speak with me?" Elrond asked, slightly impatient. He was not having the best of days- the kitchen managed to burn the lunch, Estel was still reclusive and during their lesson he seemed to be somewhere else. Also it seemed Gilraen, Elladan, Elrohir and Bilbo all expected something from him- giving him meaningful looks, but he did not know what they meant.  
  
"Yes," Gandalf said decisively, as he gathered his thoughts. "How is Estel?"  
  
Elrond frowned, before answering. "He is spending most of his time alone, but that is understandable- you said he knew the three dwarves that died."  
  
"Indeed," Gandalf said thoughtfully. "I take it you haven't spoken to him about that, YET."  
  
"He does not seem to want to talk," Elrond said dryly. Though he hasn't question Estel, he knew that he wanted to be left alone, even if lately it did not seem to be the case... "And if he does wish to speak with someone, it is not with me. He has his mother and his brothers- and I have seen Bilbo speaking with him a few times, and teaching him songs."  
  
Gandalf tried not to sigh and ended up snorting. There were times when he had to stop himself from banging Elrond on the head with his staff. "How would you know that, if you don't talk to him?"  
  
Elrond did not answer, instead he asked: "Is that what we came out here to discuss? My lack of communication with my child?"  
  
"No," Gandalf said, shaking his head sadly. "We came out here to DISCUSS your child. And," he added with a mischievous smile. "To smoke some weed." He took out his pipe and a bag of weed and poured it into the pipe. He then lit it up and blew a perfect circle.  
  
Elrond stood in silence for a few moments, waiting patiently for Gandalf to continue. Just when he was about to say something, Gandalf announced:  
  
"He knows."  
  
Elrond did not know at first WHAT he knows, but then he looked into Gandalf's eyes and simply knew. "You told him?" He asked, his anger boiling. There was a soft noise in the bushes nearby, presumably from the breeze, but neither paid it much heed.  
  
"He knew by himself," Gandalf said, his eyes fixed on some spot in the distance. "I merely answered a few questions of his." Elrond began to pace furiously.  
  
"You should have consulted with me." Elrond said, his voice tight and controlled, but his eyes dark and angry. "I am his father, I should have a say in-"  
  
"Are you?" Gandalf questioned. surprise.  
  
"Of course I am," Elrond said, his anger now mixed with bemusement. "I adopted him, he is my son."  
  
"You see, he is not so sure of that, he thinks you took him out of pity and will be rid of him the moment he finds out the truth. I assume he hasn't told you he knows?"  
  
Elrond clenched his jaws tightly. "No, he has not."  
  
"Such a silly thing to fear," Gandalf went on sarcastically. "I wonder what could have given him that idea?" His eyes were staring at Elrond now, as he blew more smoke rings.  
  
"I never once said anything to that effect," Elrond countered. He could not believe Gandalf was accusing him of- of what exactly?  
  
"You did not need to," Gandalf said seriously, his voice hard. "All you had to do was not give him your heart fully, and he understood. Children are very perceptive- did you know that he feared you do not love him? That you do not want him? Too long have I noticed your lack of commitment to the child, too long have I watch both of you suffer, and stood by quietly. It is about time I knocked some sense into your stubborn mind."  
  
"It is not your place to lecture ME on how to raise MY child," Elrond nearly raised his voice, but he knew Gandalf spoke the truth. Galadriel said something to the same effect while they were in Lorien, why was he holding back?  
  
"If you wish to suffer yourself, I cannot interfere," Gandalf rose and stood up impressively, giving off a dangerous air. "But I will not have you ruin that child's soul! He is such a sweet and giving child, such a wonder- how could the one person who's opinion matters most hurt him so much?"  
  
Elrond's heart contracted painfully and he downcast his gaze. "I do not know. Believe me Mithrandir when I say I love that child. I love him so much it scares me."  
  
"How could love scare?" Gandalf asked smiling gently. "It is such a beautiful emotion, not an ugly one."  
  
"I know that," Elrond said, sinking slowly onto the bench, suddenly feeling very old and weary. "I do not know what I fear."  
  
"You fear being happy." Gandalf mused, sitting next to his old friend. "You have vowed for so long to remain miserable while you and your wife are parted. And now this child threatens that vow and you fear to have your heart broken again."  
  
Elrond nodded his head. "I have been a selfish fool."  
  
"Yes, you have," Gandalf said smiling. "I dare say you need him just as much as he needs you." He rose and yawned tiredly. "You deserve love Elrond half elven, she would want that." He smiled over to the nearby bush and said a bit louder. "You can come out now, Estel."  
  
Estel came out sheepishly from the bush he was hiding in and blushed fiercely. "I didn't mean to listen in, honest, but you told me to meet you in the gardens, and then-"  
  
"I meant for you to listen." Gandalf interrupted him with a raised hand. "I wanted to make sure you knew." He glanced at Elrond and winked. "Just in case it is a subject hard to breech. I will leave you two alone now, Bilbo and I must be going as it is." He bent over to Estel and hugged him. "I will see you soon."  
  
"Goodbye Gandalf," Estel said into his cloak, burying his face in his shoulder. Gandalf put him down, said goodbye to Elrond and left Rivendell. Estel tried not to look his father in the eye, not quite sure what to do or say in the awkward silence. It was Elrond who broke the silence first.  
  
"I have not been fair to you," he surprised Estel. Elrond beckoned his to the bench and Estel jumped on it, leaning his head into Elrond's side. "You have given me your love without question or reason, and I haven't done the same."  
  
"It's alright," Estel said, not really sure what he should say. Elrond raised the boy's head, so he was looking him straight in the eye.  
  
"No, Estel." Elrond said seriously. "It is not alright, it was wrong of me. I ask you for your forgiveness, though I do not deserve it." Estel was shocked beyond words and so he simply continued to stare at his father. "But it will all change, I will love you with all my heart- because you deserve no less."  
  
Estel wrapped his arms around his father and smiled happily. "I love you, Ada."  
  
"Elrond sighed, feeling a burden lifting from his shoulders. Such devotion in this child, such love and forgiveness, he was truly not worthy of this precious gift. "I love you too, Ion nin, do not ever forget that."  
  
Estel broke the embrace and looked into Elrond's eyes. "You miss her."  
  
"Yes," Elrond said sincerely. "I miss her very much."  
  
"What was she like?" He asked curiously, biting his bottom lip. Was it impolite of him to question about Celebrian?  
  
"She was... " Elrond smiled in remembrance. "Radiant, in a way words cannot describe. I remember the day we first met..."  
  
*END PART 14*  
  
Author's note:  
  
I hope you like the last part, the whole Elrond-Estel bit, I'm not sure if it came out quite the way I planned, but I hope it works. Next chapter will also be the last chapter and probably also very short- a small scene with Legolas and an epilogue. I would like to thank everyone who ever read this story or reviewed it, it was quite a long journey, for me as well as Estel. I think after I'm done I'll take a break from LOTR fan fiction and just concentrate on my other fan fiction that I'm working on in POTC. I did have an idea for a short humor fic, in the same AU world as this one, involving embarrassing Aragorn stories, but I'll have to play it by ear.  
  
leggylover03- I hope you'll like this chapter as well, it's about time Elrond give his heart truly to Estel! LOL, I think Estel is done falling for a while, he might get seriously hurt if he continues to do that!  
  
grumpy- Can you send me your snow by air mail? I liked the fact that Estel got grandparents and now he and Elrond are on the right path! Anything involving Estel and the twins driving Haldir crazy is always fun and entertainment! 


	15. The End of the Beginning

Author's Note: Thank you so much for everyone who ever read this story, it was a pleasure! This chapter is dedicated to (everyone) and magsluvsestel who wrote a review that just made me want to hug her!  
  
grumpy- I always smiled after reading your reviews, you seemed to like every little bit I wrote! You are definitely my #1 reviewer and I thank you!  
  
magsluvsestel- It got updated! LOL. I loved your review and I'm humbled I had such a strong effect on your with this story and with my Estel. I haven't read that book, but I'll be looking out for it now! I love Aragorn and was quite disappointed that the film didn't explore so many aspects of him that could have been! Like I said, I'm flattered you thought it was so good, but as the title suggested, this was achieved through hard labor and work, and considering I have the army in less than a year and my finals in a bit over a month, I'm not sure how much writing and research I'll be able to do. But I will try!  
  
leggylover03- Here's the last chapter! Another dedicated reviewer that means the world to me, thanks a bunch!  
  
aknightofni- Technically it wasn't finished yet. NOW it's finished, lol. How many greats were in that sentence? LOL. Got the message loud and clear and glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate the compliments!  
  
Ivy  
  
** "Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."  
  
- Woodrow Wilson  
  
** "Ada, may I ask you a question?" Estel asked his father curiously one day, as they sat together in Elrond's study. It was a beautiful day outside, but Estel could not enjoy it, since he had his daily lessons. He didn't mind his lessons with his father, on the contrary, most of the times he enjoyed them immensely, but he had an itching for the outdoors today.  
  
He kept moving restlessly in his chair, trying to focus on his father's words, but finding himself losing interest rapidly. It wasn't even something interesting like battles and heroes, but discussing herbs and medicines. Yuck. Most of them smelt bad and tasted horrible and it wasn't like he wanted to be a healer like his father- he wanted to be a hunter like his brother and to go on adventures and to fight dragons and goblins and orcs!  
  
"Of course," Elrond said, his eyebrows raised slightly. This timid approach was not characteristic of Estel, especially not lately. They were beginning to spend more time with one another, to take walks and enjoy nature and share stories together. He cherished the sound of Estel's laughter when he told an amusing story and like always, wondered what he ever did to deserve this child.  
  
Despite the great joy he received from loving his son truly and fully, he could not help but notice how Gilraen seemed to be more reclusive. She preferred her room and would rarely grace the halls with her presence. She would try and pretend and wear a large smile whenever Estel was around, but it did not reach her eyes. She seemed hollow and her skin was wrapped so tightly her bones were protruding.  
  
Elrond could not begin to guess what was wrong and in a way he was afraid of the answer. He knew how she felt, the loneliness and grief and the burden of raising children on her own. Only his children knew their mother, and although you could not guess it from their behavior, they were all actually adults. It was different with Estel, and he knew it was slowly killing her. But there was nothing he could do about it and so they both tried to hide it from Estel.  
  
"Where do babies come from?" Estel asked curiously, not noticing the heavy mood his father suddenly dived into.  
  
"What?" Elrond asked. Shock could not even begin to describe how he felt at the moment, completely at a loss for words. "What- how did this come about?"  
  
"Well, Elladan was kissing this elf maiden out behind the trees, and I asked Elrohir what they were doing-"  
  
"And he told you they were making babies?" Elrond asked, not believing his own ears. Elrohir knew better than to say something of the sorts.  
  
"No!" Estel rolled his eyes impatiently. "He said they were kissing and I asked why, and he said it was because they liked each other. Then I overheard two elves saying that even though they are just playing around, if they're not careful-"  
  
""I think I understand," Elrond interrupted, feeling a headache coming. He caressed his temple between his fingers and wondered: why me?  
  
"Are you well?" Estel asked, not entirely concerned. He noticed that whenever grownups were asked about this subject they had headaches and seemed petrified- if it was so painful and scary, why did Elladan laugh so much and seem to be having fun? It was all so confusing. "You know," Estel tried to keep a straight face. "If you are not feeling well, perhaps you should take a tab of that flower over there."  
  
"The poisonous one used to heal infections?" Elrond asked with an equally serious face. Estel obviously did not listen today, not that he could blame him of course. It was a beautiful day...  
  
"Yes, that one," Estel replied bashfully, as he glanced out the window and back at his father. "Well? Where do babies come from? They can't come from kissing; otherwise I'd be an uncle of a whole herd of babies. And don't tell me that they come from the Valar, because I don't believe that anymore, I'm not a child."  
  
Elrond smiled at that proud statement and thought how much of a child Estel was in those moments of youth and innocence.  
  
"Well..." Elrond cleared his voice and peered at the door, wishing strongly that Gilraen were here answering these questions instead of him. He was startled when he heard a light tap on the door and wondered if his wish came true. "Yes?"  
  
"Lord Elrond," Glorfindel said, as he entered the room. "King Thranduil of Mirkwood is here to see you." He glanced at the situation before him and tried his best not to smirk- it was obvious young Estel put his father in a tight spot, and Elrond seemed relieved for the interruption.  
  
"Ah, yes I was expecting him. You may bring him to here" Elrond smiled, jumping quickly to his feet. After seeing firsthand the evil that crept onto Mirkwood, Elrond and Thranduil both reached the conclusion that it must be stopped once and for all, and that an agreement must be made between both Rivendell and Mirkwood in order to keep evil at bay. "Estel- I am terribly sorry, but I have a pressing engagement... We will have to postpone this discussion."  
  
Estel sighed and got up from his seat. THEY always did that! Every time he asked grownups a question they didn't like, they would sweat and suddenly have more important things to do, other than speak with him. He left the room and sat outside in the hall, pouting. Glorfindel came around the corner accompanied by two elves Estel had never seen before. He looked at them half curiously, but still very much in his sour mood.  
  
"Lord Elrond will see you now," Glorfindel said politely, as he indicated the study and then he left. The older elf nodded curtly and entered the room, but not before ordering his companion: "Wait for me outside."  
  
The other elf did not seem to take it well, but he bit his lip and said nothing, as the door closed and he was left in the hallway. Estel's heart went out to the elf that was kept out of important meetings like he was. His curiosity suddenly awoke and he decided it would be rude to continue to sit outside and sulk quietly, when he had guests. He took a deep breath, put on a brave, cheerful smile and said:  
  
"Hi."  
  
The elf didn't even turn his head; he merely allowed his eyes to travel to the strange little man-child in front of him, threatening to become a nuisance. He did not even notice him until now; he was too deeply engrossed in his anger towards his father for treating him like a child and disregarding him entirely. Thanduil wouldn't even allow him to fight in the Battle of the Five Armies, he had to sneak out and cover his face. He was one of the best archers in all of Mirkwood, and yet his father wouldn't have any of it.  
  
Now his father made a point of reminding him where his place was, and this little creature in front of him that seemed so out of place, with those shining gray eyes was looking at him as if expecting some sort of answer. Legolas huffed and turned his head away, deciding that was all this Thing deserved. Sure, they may appear sweet and harmless at a younger age, but the years pass by quickly and suddenly they are vicious and greedy and completely evil. This one's fate would be no different; it was the curse of his species.  
  
Estel bit his bottom lip in anger and tried to remain respectful. The last thing he wanted was to dishonor his father's name by hitting a guest, but this particular one certainly merited such actions. He had seen that look the elf gave him often enough to know what it meant: Contempt. No, that was too strong a word, it was more like disregard and it made Estel feel lower than dirt. He hated that feeling. But still, he swallowed his pride and decided to put on a fake smile and try again.  
  
"My father never lets me hear anything- was that your father? My father always sends me out into the hall or to my room..." Estel shrugged casually and dug his toe into the floor, looking curiously at the guest.  
  
"And who is your father?" The elf asked disinterest, but something seemed odd. Elrond was known for his hospitality, to all races, but to have them actually LIVE in Rivendell? Absurd!  
  
"Elrond of course," Estel rolled his eyes as though it were obvious. He was used to the elves of Rivendell knowing about his family and since he never really interacted much with guests, save Gandalf and Bilbo, it came as a shock to him that people did not know. Or rather that his father forgot to mention it, or wanted to hide it. 'No!' Estel chastised himself sternly. 'No more doubting Ada's love. He is not ashamed of you, he told you so, perhaps he does not feel it necessary to announce the fact, but that doesn't mean.... Does it?'  
  
The elf actually barked a short laugh at those three small words that were simply impossible. "No he's not." He laughed at the silly little creature in front of him that decided to spun lies. It was glaringly obvious that those two were not related, for how can an Edain be related to one of the Eldar?  
  
"Is too!" Estel lost his temper and stomped his foot. This elf was being rude and hurtful and calling him a liar! He wished his brothers were here, he doubted he could take on this elf all by himself. The elf shook his head and Estel jumped at him, ready to strangle him-  
  
""LEGOLAS!" "ESTEL!"  
  
Both looked innocently at their fathers, though the downcast of their eyes spoke volumes of their guilt.  
  
"What is going on here?" Thranduil asked his son angrily. When Legolas did not answer he walked over and towered over him menacingly. "Well?"  
  
"I apologize, father." Legolas merely said, not glancing at the young Edain. He was not sure if trying to explain the situation would enrage his father further, so he chose to remain silent.  
  
"Estel?" Elrond asked his son gently, but with a strong undertone. "What went on just now?"  
  
"I don't know," Estel sighed, knowing he was in for some more punishment. "I was trying to be friendly, because you always say to be kind to guests, but he looked at me with... And then he said you weren't my Ada." Estel sniffed and swallowed a sob. He was not a crying baby; he stopped crying from mean elves years ago.  
  
"Is that true?" Thranduil asked his son, his anger increasing. "You are a guest in this house and yet you insulted Lord Elrond's son???"  
  
Estel wasn't sure if he wanted to smirk or feel sorry for Legolas, but it appeared he was not out of the woods yet. Elrond looked at him seriously and said slowly: "It does not matter what he said to provoke you, you should know better than to try and strike anyone. You are not a child entitled to fits of rage, we cannot have you getting into fights every time someone says something to you that you find offensive."  
  
"Yes, Ada." Estel hung his head.  
  
"I'm deeply disappointed in you, Estel." Elrond turned to Thranduil. "My deepest apologies for my son's actions."  
  
"And my sincerest apologies for my son's. It appears that he started this whole mess, and I assure you he will be dealt with when we return home." He sent a meaningful glance towards Legolas who tried to hide a shudder. "I hope this will not effect our business."  
  
"Not at all," Elrond said. "I believe we have worked out most of our issues, if you will step back inside the study...?" Thranduil nodded and said to Legolas:  
  
"You will stay put until we are finished and if I hear you have misbehaved one more time..." He left the warning in the air as he entered. Elrond walked in and said to Estel before closing the door:  
  
"Behave yourself, Estel."  
  
Both sons were left dispirited and ashamed in the halfway, sending glances at each other's direction. It took several moments before Estel worked up to courage to say: "I'm sorry for nearly hitting you."  
  
Legolas nodded his acceptance and said quietly: "I am sorry for provoking you. I had no right to make assumption and insult one of my hosts. It's just-"  
  
"He treats you like a child," Estel said, a smile tugging at his lip. "And he does not see that you have grownup a lot."  
  
Legolas looked sharply at this youth, no older than a dozen years and yet with such insight. "Yes."  
  
"Ada does the same with me," Estel smiled a small bitter smile. "I have already killed and hunted and gone on adventures- but he refuses to allow me-"  
  
"-To breathe, to do the things I love." Legolas said, suddenly realizing how much alike they were. A thin silence stretched between them, before Legolas broke it. "Elladan and Elrohir failed to mention they had a younger brother."  
  
"Perhaps you haven't spoken for a while." Estel shrugged, though it stung to hear even his brothers 'forgot' to mention him to people. "Are you friends with them?"  
  
Legolas smiled a radiant smile and chuckled. "Friends, or bitter enemies. It seems that every time we meet we get into some sort of trouble and spend the entire time playing pranks on one another."  
  
Estel perked up at the mention of 'pranks'. "You know, they put a dead spider in my food last night and I still haven't had a chance to return the favor." He looked at Legolas expectantly, eager to extract his revenge.  
  
"Then what are we waiting for?" Legolas laughed as the two left the hallway. "By the way, we haven't been properly introduced yet, I'm Legolas Green-Leaf."  
  
"Estel." Estel smiled as they clasped hands, sealing a life long bond of friendship and mischief.  
  
*  
  
"Estel?" Elrond peered his head into his son's room, fully expecting to see it vacant, as was his custom at nights. However, he saw his son's tiny frame breathing evenly, sound asleep. He frowned and wondered if he was sick and made up his mind to check on him in the morning. He quietly left the room and closed the door.  
  
Several hours later, Estel awoke. He yawned tiredly and rubbed his eyes, before jumping out of bed with a bounce. Somehow he managed to set some internal clock to wake him up at around the same time, day after day- a trait that would serve him well later on in his life as a ranger. But right now Estel left his window and climbed from tree to tree, until he reached the tree at the edge of the border of Rivendell, just on time. He remembered a time not too long ago when he would sneak out and watch the sun set, dreaming and wishing for adventure, the same as Her.  
  
He must have changed since then, for here he was, waiting to welcome the Sun back into his world. It was a new habit of his, watching the Sun rise. He watched the thin line of crimson and orange slowly rise and grow, as more hues and colors added to this beauty. He still longed for adventure, but this was about an entirely different matter. The Sun left for adventures every evening, but she came back to light their path and world- and THAT was what mattered. Seeing the sun rise every morning and not taking it for granted gave him hope. Every time the Sun went for some adventure and left the earth cold and dark, she still promised to return, giving them hope for tomorrow, for a better day.  
  
*THE END*  
  
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning" - Winston Churchill (November 10, 1942) 


End file.
